Weary Soldier Still Fighting

You will see .

I dont know any other way to describe the weary soldier I have become in continuing to fight off this evil that resides with me and is relentless to stay and cling to me like saran wrap that wont unseal because the seal has been opened and now that the seal has been opened it seems to be unable to close tightly i wish i had an explanation and some clarity

 as well as an understanding on why it is me that has to continue suffering i am doing all i know to do and holding onto all I love and that matters to me that is what keeps me here is The Love for him that I am just unable to release it is what has kept me from leaving

 this world even when i didnt have a heart to live anymore

 his love has kept me i have gotten free from alot of it i will not deny but yet still some remains attached to me and I fail to make sense as to why if only I could know if only i could remember and back track my steps that would have prevented all of this torment and anguish that I continue to endure in waiting for full victory

 the only reason i havnt given up fighting is because I believe in the possibility of the impossible happening

 I have seen what he can do and how he has changed and healed many situations and circumstances in others lives I have been witness and I am able to testify miracles do happen with knowing and living for Jesus Christ

  but there is a darkness that exists for sinners that refuse to obey and accept and embrace why he has placed us here individually and for those who disobey thier calling and purpose for here there is a consequence for choosing to be selfish about your life and what you do within it im learning 

 and when you reject him for as long as i did  because i didnt want to let go of comfortable things well its no wonder I am still fighting a battle it seems im unable to win but yet still i am here still fighting giving all i have to give to him and sacraficing all i know to lay down to prove that he is what i want now more than ever that it is him who i wish to serve and not the world or devils and sins known that can never be forgiven but only ever given grace and mercy for and that im told and taught in his word endures forever but i cant help but wonder where do I stand if not alone in this 

Why am I waiting ?

what is there for me to learn ?

Is it almost over ?

its been another year and my body is become even more sore weary and tired !

this weary soldier thats been fighting for years just wants the war to be over ....

am I not deserving of freedom and escape ? SHall torment be upon me always ? 

is what ive done in my life worth so horrible of a consequence ?

these are the questions im stuck with asking myself as I continue to go through what seems to be just an endless vicious circle of endless enemy  Demonic Angel warriors !

if its not my fear holding me back its another emotion that im unable to grasp .....

how can i defeat this if all i am is beat down constantly afraid  and worn out ????

my rescue has come.... and yet im still unable to tap out...  and give up fighting devils and demons of the underworld ....... 

and even it is stuck with deciding and tiring and finding  ..... its way out ! 

leaning on my own understanding isnt accomplishing anything though...... 

but when i aim to be brave all i do is falter and become cowardly ....  

but can you blame me ?

how long can a soldier endure before REST  & RETREAT  is NECESSARY ? 

 But I refuse to Surrender To My Enemies! I will fight until The Death of Me ! 

I wonder what the lesson to learn in this is about for me ??

on why it all happened and will it ever end for me ?? Will I Make it to Heaven or Will it Be Undeserving Hell For Me ? :'/

will this be the year The War Ends with them leaving and me finally being free ???

oh how this weary soldier wonders as she keeps fighting !

I am to be baptized soon..... 

maybe a fresh new cleansing and anointing will fall on me .....

and My Jesus whos always fought for me .......

will take this thing down..... and throw it into the midst of the sea farther than i could imagine he could remove it for me .

Oh sweet Victory ! 

What A Day That Will Be 

When This War Is Over And I Am Finally Relieved Released &  Free.... 

Author's Note

this is not for the faint of heart

Reviews

[KT-B]

I can relate to your battle, I have experienced this spiritual turmoil, it's a lonely fight not one many understand. Stay strong in the lord an know you are not alone ... I will keep you in my prayers when I pray for my fight to be over too - stay strong. :)

[Farmgirl]

No I am not..
It is a spiritual warfare battle that I'm fighting against the evil supernatural realm that torments me

But I have a deep feeling that it's almost over for me .

And I don't appreciate you asking me that! '' How Rude Of You ''
you obviously did not put your whole heart into reading what I have written .

But None the less Thank you for reviewing .

God Bless You !

[jiggumzac]

Are you fighting a war against periods?