Wanting to be numb

This was the turning point in my abuse I chose to live

She sat on the bed
Not knowing what to do
The pain and hurt overwhelming her
That is why she was so blue

Instead of feeling pain
She felt nothing at all
Tired of all the emotions
She just wanted to fall

He ruled her life
For so long now he controlled
The beatings and the pain
To break down her soul

She closed herself off
So he wouldn't get in
Relentless and cruel
He seemed to always win

Now here she was
Tired of this world of pain
Tired of all emotions
Now she sits in disdain

She reaches beside her
In a foggy haze
Picks up a gun
And looks at it with a loving gaze

A sense of peace fills her soul
She knows what's coming ahead
Finding the peace she's been searching for
If only she could be dead

She puts the gun to her head
And hears a loud pop
Not sure what it is
It makes her stop

She feels a little woozy
And puts her hand to her head
It comes back wet
All covered in red

She hears a scream
Is it from her lips
Crawls out the door
And then she trips

Down the stairs she falls
Consciousness coming and going in and out
A towel is wrapped around her head
Till she finally shouts

Get away just let me be
You never cared
You just wanted
To hurt me

Shoved into a car
She remembers it all
How embarrassed she is
How he let her fall

When she wakes up
In a hospital bed
She looks around
Feeling funny about her head

He takes her away
From places that would help her out
Back to the way it was before
Back to the abuse no doubt

Something is different this time
She has changed on the inside somehow
You can do or say all you want
Nothing can hurt her now

Reviews

[diaryofalostcause]

I like this. The details of it made me feel like I was there I could smell the gun powder and feel the vibration on the gun as it popped.

[Grimesy]

Wow! This is so deep. It is so much easier sometimes to be cold and numb, rather than letting actually feeling our emotions. It is always a hard choice. Good read and thanks for penning.