Torn Veil

Sometimes the word 'Good'bye is so very inappropriate in the situation

 

Illusions and quintessential dreams,

Fairytales, always thought invading it seems

 

Intangible fingers formed by sheer will power,

Bearing gifts,

Embarked upon their journey from a mature mind to a naive heart.

Breaking down walls that, like the ones from Jericho, stood invincible until the gifts of the mind; common sense and rationality, were blasted from ancient horns.

See what is really there.

 

Lift the veil.

Move pass the words engineered for flattery.

Hear the actual emptiness.

 

Take a single step forward,

Letting the cloak of pretense,

Threaded with denial,

Beaded with those illusions, dreams and fairytale ideas,

Hit the floor.

More bare than the waste land that is your word.

- disillusoned.

 

Standing before me- once upon a time,

Covered in the dust,

Of journeys travelled in your life.

Sparring the pusillanimity of my nature,

Brushing the dust, off your face.

Secretly parched from my own roads that I have taken.

 

I was spinning my own illusions,

From the temporary golden thread that spewed from your lips,

UNTIL-

The well ran dry.

Now I'm watching those beautiful words evaporate,

Knowing that you will soon evaporate in the sun.

 

 

Had you removed your hands from my eyes,

The sight of approaching darkness may have caused me to flee

Only time would have told

But at this hour I have heard all that I need.

So I humbly reclaim my dismantled heart,

I'll coat my spine with steel,

Setting you free...

 

Silhouette riding off in the distance

I will not fight this need to cry,

Mouth full of razors,

I whisper to you...

 

"Goodbye".

 

Author's Note

I did a few changes based on the advice i was given :)

Reviews

[Akshat♥]

Ending is superb :)
I completely agree with you..sometimes "goodbyes" are not suitable
in some situations...
keep writing!!

[Marie Harrison]

I love the ending
It's so hard to say goodbye
Especially to one you truly loved
It is like a mouthful of razors

[Vinod Kumar U K]

Sentimental curtain racer of the farewell stage, you created a cheerup mood over the buried agony and pain depth....nice

[ericdeben]

This was pretty good, suns.
The only thing is the interruptions - the parenthesis. You might want to explain 'in between the lines'/subtly, rather than have to explain in a parenthetical. Also you might want to work on a better title. Something shorter. And maybe add in a description to catch people's attention with a good quote from the poem.
I like your imagery and the ending was very appropriate.
The first two lines were a great hook and italicized appropriately.

[WindSong]

Now is the time to pave a new road and move on with life and living. Be all you can be now above and beyond your misery. You have learned well from it and will be stronger because of it. Great writing!
WindSong

[Truth_About_Rain]

Wow, this is Amazing. Simply amazing ^^

[Daytonight]

Wow! What an awesome writing. The emotions touched me to my core. Keep on penning.

[Legacy]

Dreamer,

Wow; whew; okay; so, if you do nothing else in your life - write this way always.

Emotions run deep like a razor blade slice into a pure heart. The raw enjoyable mellow beat to this reveals much... more than a review can express. The only way to describe what I feel from this is nothing short of fighting the war of depression.

Absolutely radiant, it glows with independence and shines with brilliance; very poignant.

You have created a masterpiece of words and raw emotion... I ask you again, please, PLEASE keep writing this way.

Gorgeous, and publish worthy.

Thank you for sharing,

Legacy

This one belongs in the Love contest if you have not entered anything yet, Poetic Infusion Society… BRAVO, Dreamer.

[Sweets]

This is so touching and heartfelt. I loved those lines: "Embarked upon their journey from a mature mind to a naive heart." You have a great vocabulary. Wonderful work! :)

[KAREN]

Great imagery, pain flowed through out. Love the ending!