Susannah's Rose

High-school sweethearts' romance goes awry in a touching tale of love and loss.

Susannah’s Rose

 

“Remember me with laughter, never with tears.

Live for the future, but never the past.

Release the pain, but cherish the love.”

 

                I remember when I first met Elliot.  It was my first day of my new school, freshman year, halfway across the country from everyone and everything I knew and loved.  The hallways were crowded that day, full of upperclassmen pushing and shoving us younglings out of the way impatiently.  A boy, most likely a senior, had knocked into me, sending me to my knees and scattering my books across the floor.  The upperclassmen pointed and laughed before continuing on their way.

                All except for one.

                This boy was different from the others.  Perhaps it was the softness of his chocolate-colored eyes.  Perhaps it was the muscles that flexed as he gathered my books for me.  Perhaps it was the warm smile he gave me, or perhaps the firmness of his grip as he took my hand and helped me to my feet.

                “Are you alright?”

                My first instinct was to look up.  Where was the angel who had made such a wonderful sound?  Surely no man of Earth could set a poor teenage girl under his spell so quickly with just three words!

                I swallowed the lump in my throat before setting my eyes to the ground to save them from his piercing gaze.  “I’m alright,” I stammered, reaching out to take my books.

                However, he turned his body to evade my hands.  “How can someone as small as yourself carry such a heavy load?”  I felt my cheeks burn red as he said, “Let me carry them for you.”

                I tilted my head up to make eye contact, and was met with a warm smile.  “It’s alright,” I assured him.  “I’ll manage.”

                The boy laughed.  “Don’t worry about it.  I bet you don’t even know where you’re going.”

                My cheeks burned crimson again as I averted my gaze to the floor.  I had been lost the past five minutes.

                He laughed again, not a cruel laugh like the others, but a kind-hearted one.  “I thought so.  Where are you going?”

                I glanced down at the schedule in my hand, straining my eyes to make sense of the letters before them through the thick cologne that had begun to put me in a trance.  “History,” I read, “in room 255.”

                The boy thought for a second.  “You’re a freshman, right?”

                I nodded, darting my eyes around the hall in a nervous manner.

                “Ah, alright,” he said after a moment.  “O’Flynn’s room. Follow me.”

                With a nod of his head, he gestured down a hallway off to the right, and I trailed behind him as he began walking.  I couldn’t help but wonder why this guy was helping me.  The stares from upperclassman around us proved my notion that the classes scarcely intermixed.  So why would this boy, who was clearly a sophomore or junior, want to help a poor little freshman girl like me?

                Nearly walking into the muscular frame that had stopped suddenly in front of me snapped me back to reality.  “In here,” he said, jerking his head toward an open door off to the left, showing a room halfway filled with students, all closer to my age.  The boy turned into the classroom, setting my stack of books onto a desk near the front of the room.  How strange it was, I thought, that he had picked a desk the perfect distance away from the board for my near-sighted eyes.

                He turned to face me, giving me another one of those warm smiles that sent a chill down my spine.  “Well, there you go.”

                I returned the smile.  “Thank you very much.”

                The boy turned and took a step toward the door before pausing, as though deep in contemplation.  After a moment, he turned back to face me, extending a hand.  “By the way, I’m Elliot.”

                I smiled up at him before extending my own hand out to press my palm to his.  “I’m Susannah.”

                He gave my hand a gentle squeeze before releasing it.  “Susannah… That’s a pretty name.”

                Yet again, I felt the heat rise in my cheeks.  “Thank you.”

                Rather then being disturbed by the accursed blush, he laughed.  The sudden ring of the high school bell caused me to jump at least a foot in the air, causing him to laugh again.

                “Elliot Johnson!”  A white-haired, middle-aged woman who had been haunting the front of the classroom was now making her way over, wagging a finger disapprovingly at Elliot.  “The bell has rung! Stop disturbing my students and get to your own class.”

                Elliot rolled his eyes when the woman glanced away.  “Yes, Mrs. O’Flynn.”  He turned and began walking out the door, calling over his shoulder as I sat, “See you later, Susannah!”

                And so my friendship with Elliot had begun.

                We talked every day.  He seemed to immediately accept me, despite the disapproval of his older friends.  Every day before the first bell, we’d meet up in the lobby and talk until we were rushed to class by the vice principal.  Every day I sat with him at lunch.  Every day we talked after our classes until the buses threatened to leave us behind.

                He was a sophomore, I soon learned, only one year older than me.  But there would never be hope for anything more than friendship with him—even hoping for friendship seemed to be pressing my luck.  I knew I would never have a chance with him.

                That is, until about six months into the school year.

                The final bell had rung, and Elliot and I were completing our daily routine of talking as we slowly proceeded to our buses.  Coming to mine, I began to say goodbye, taking a step onto the bus.

                A tingling sensation on my upper arm notified me that Elliot had gently placed his hand there.  The shock of his warm palm on my skin seemed to stop time.  His whispered word traveled slowly to my ear, as though fighting the air, straining to reach me.  “Wait…”

                I turned to look at him.  There was a look in his brown eyes that I had never seen before, that I couldn’t quite recognize.  I could see the gears turning in his mind; sense his tongue searching for words, all the while gazing intently into my eyes.

                After a moment, he spoke.  “Do you have any plans tonight?”

                I swallowed, forcing my heart to keep a consistent rhythm.  After all, there was no point in hoping for the impossible.  I shook my head.

                He cleared his throat, the normal look returning to his eyes.  “I wanted to show you the creek down at the park, Promessa Creek.  It’s so beautiful in the moonlight, and there’s a full moon tonight.  Would you like to go?”

                Seeing his eyes return to normal, I smiled and nodded.  “Sounds great.”

                Elliot grinned.  “Great!  Meet me at the park at eight.”

                I nodded.  “All right.  See you then.”  When he released my arm, I continued to climb onto the bus, taking a vacant seat toward the middle and smiling to myself.  Even if we were just friends, at least he wanted to hang out with me outside of school.  I sighed to myself, leaning my head back against the seat.  If only…

                If only it wasn’t so cold!  I wrapped my jacket tighter around my body, cursing myself for not taking a warmer one.  I thanked whatever Gods may have existed that the park was only a block away from my house.  Slowly my feet fell into place, one in front of the other, walking the path without word from my brain as though they’d done so for years.  The streets were empty this late; not a car seemed to pass.  Looking up, I saw the moon sitting contently in the sky, full and bright, casting a light to guide my path.

                I could see Elliot before I even entered the park.  He stood out like a sore thumb, his large, bulky figure hopelessly trying to blend with the children’s swing upon which he sat.  Apparently seeing me approaching, he extended an arm into the air in a friendly wave, which I returned.

                I quickened my pace now, advancing at a jog, excitement replacing the sting of the bitter cold nipping at my skin.  The pitter-patter of my feet echoed my racing heart, the sounds of the two competing in speed.  Within a minute, I found myself by Elliot’s side.

                I fell into the swing next to him, my semi-slim waist cooperating with the narrow chains better than his.  I smiled when he looked up at me.  “Hi.”

                He turned to face me.  “Hey,” he replied, his voice sliding smoothly over the word.  I noticed that while one of his hands rested upon the chain, the other seemed hidden from my view.  I could tell he was holding something.

                I tilted my head to the side in attempt to gain a better view of the object, which Elliot shifted accordingly.  I raised an eyebrow at him with a question look.  “What’s that?”

                Elliot broke out in a grin, testing my patience for a few moments longer before revealing his hand.  He held out to me a single, freshly-cut, beautifully-bloomed red rose, the moon making its moistened petals sparkle in the night, as stunningly beautiful as the stars overhead.  I took in a shaky breath, enclosing my fingers gently around the stem as Elliot once more pressed it forward.

                I ran my fingers up and down the stem, brushing them lightly against the soft petals.  I smiled, looking up at Elliot.  “What’s this for?”

                Elliot shrugged.  “I remember you said roses were your favorite.”

                I grinned, and then laughed.  “Thank you.”

                Elliot rose from his swing, gesturing for me to do the same.  He started walking off in the direction of a thicket of trees.  “Come on. The creek’s this way.”

                Obediently, my feet followed his until we came to the edge of the woods.  Looking in, I saw that the treetops overhead had completely engulfed the ground in darkness.  I took a step back, shivering slightly.  I hated the dark.

                Seeing me stop, Elliot turned to face me, eyebrow raised in question.  “What’s wrong, Susannah?”

                I thanked the darkness for hiding a blush.  “Nothing at all.” I forced myself to take a step toward Elliot.

                He laughed lightly, as though he knew exactly what was wrong.  “Come on.  Trust me.  I’ll keep you safe, I promise.”  He reached forward and gently took hold of my hand, giving it a firm squeeze before pulling into the trees.

                My feet fell one in front of the other, the thudding slow compared to my speeding heart.  Elliot’s reassuring grip on my hand forced all fear of the darkness out of my mind, which was trying to turn its gears through a vat of molasses.  Why was Elliot holding my hand?  If only he knew how I really felt…

                The sound of running water pushed the half-processed thoughts and daydreams out of my mind.  We walked a few steps further before the cool droplets of water skimmed my face, brought through the air by the wind.

                There it was: the creek.  Oh, and it was brilliant, everything Elliot had promised it would be and so much more!  The current rushed by, ripples of water bounding off of rocks and into the cold night air to dance through the light of the moon.  The whisper of the wind sent the sparkling water spraying across the smooth stones.

                I gasped and felt Elliot’s hand squeeze mine.  “Elliot…  This is beautiful.”  He released my hand, but only to place his arm around my shoulders.  I wrapped my arms around his waist, his warm embrace a welcome shelter from the crisp night air, still biting harshly at my skin.

                I couldn’t tell you how long we stayed there for.  Time seemed to freeze while I was in his arms, not that I’m complaining.  But after a while, we left the beautiful sight and began walking back out of the park toward the road.

                Elliot walked me home that night, his arm around me the entire way.  He helped me climb into my bedroom window, considering it was nearly midnight and my parents had gone to bed and locked the door.  Four hours we had spent together!  Looking back, the time seemed to fly by so fast.

                After Elliot left, I placed my rose in a vase of water, stroking the smooth petals lightly.  Maybe there was hope yet.

                Elliot and I were inseparable from that day forward.  We were always seen in the halls together, talking and laughing and flirting.

                One week after we met at Promessa creek, Elliot took me back there to ask me to be his girlfriend, the occasion accompanied by another beautiful rose.  His friends didn’t approve of him dating someone a whole year younger, but Elliot didn’t care.

                The course of time seemed to change from thereon out.  The time I spent with him seemed rushed by some unseen force, the moments without him ticking by slowly, transforming into weeks, months, and eventually years.

                Before I knew it, my high school graduation had come.  It was a sunny day, nice and warm.  Elliot was there in the audience with my parents, all three beaming up proudly at me.

                Once the ceremony was over, I retreated to the warm embrace of the man I loved.  Tears still fell from the eyes of my parents as they received their fair share of hugs as well.

                With one last warm embrace and a kiss, Elliot said softly, “Listen, I have to go to work…”

                I forced a smile.  “Alright, then.” I took his hands in mine and leaned in once more to kiss him.

                He pushed my hair behind my ear with a gentle sweep of his hand.  “I wanted to take you out later on, to celebrate.”

                “Alright,” I said as I nodded.  “What do you have in mind?  Dinner?  Movie?”

                Elliot laughed.  “Actually, I had something a bit different in mind.”  With no further explanation, he gave me one more kiss and an “I love you,” before he left me standing there, a bit dumbfounded and with a wandering mind.

                The rest of the day dragged on.  For quite a few consecutive hours, I sat on the living room couch, watching out the window for Elliot.  The mysterious knot in my stomach wouldn’t seem to go away until bright headlights shined through the window.

                Not a minute later came the knock on the door.  I jumped to my feet and rushed forward before either of my parents could react from the kitchen, greeting Elliot with something much more than a friendly “hello.”

                He led me out to his car, pulling the door open for me in his old-fashioned way, which I jokingly rolled my eyes at.  Settling in the driver’s seat beside me, Elliot cast a warm smile my way.  Not much had changed about Elliot since the day I met him; even now, all these years later, a simple smile from him caused my nerves to jump and shiver within me and a blush to set upon my face.

                I cleared my throat to break the silence after we pulled out from my driveway.  “So… where are we going?”

                Elliot laughed.  “I told you already, it’s a surprise.”

                Within minutes, the sun had set, bringing forth the brilliantly gleaming moon to shine down upon the road.  The moon was full that night.

                However, I didn’t get to see the bright light for long.  Without saying a word, Elliot slowed the car to a stop.  I looked around, surveying the surrounding area.  I didn’t recognize anything.  Surely he couldn’t be stopping here.

                I turned to face Elliot.  “Is everything alright..?”

                Elliot stalled for a moment, as though weighing the situation.  “Yeah,” he replied hesitantly, shifting to reveal a hand from behind his back enclosed around a snow-white handkerchief.

                A wave of panic rose through my chest, and on instinct, I began to press my back against the door. However, a warm smile from Elliot immediately calmed my nerves.  He leaned in close to kiss me gently upon the lips.  “Susannah… I love you so much… just trust me, alright?”

                I gazed into the innocent, muddy eyes of the man I loved and trusted with all my heart.  Why had I suddenly become so afraid?  I let out a breath, forcing my muscles to relax, before giving Elliot a light smile.  “I love you, too.  And I trust you completely.”  I placed one of my hands gently on his before closing my eyes.

                He leaned in to kiss my forehead.  “That’s my girl,” he whispered as he brought his hands up behind my head to tie the cloth around my eyes.  Taking one of my hands in his, Elliot shifted the car back into drive, seeming to go in a complete circle just to confuse me.

                I couldn’t tell you how long we drove.  But after what seemed like an eternity, the car finally came to a complete halt.

                I could hear Elliot shuffling around in his seat after he released my hand.  I heard his door open and slam closed, felt the armrest of my door slip out from beneath my elbow.  Elliot took my hand gently, guiding me out of the car, closing the door behind me.

                “Keep the blindfold on,” Elliot commanded softly as I obediently took his arm with both hands.  “Follow me.”  Slowly I followed Elliot forward, treading only upon the ground he led me across.  My feet crunched at the soil beneath me, slowly proceeding forward behind Elliot.

                The air suddenly grew colder, and I held Elliot’s arm tighter.  The crunching noise beneath my feet turned to the sound of friction, as though pebbles were rubbing against one another.  A light breeze began to blow across my face.

                A new sound reached my ears, replacing that of the small rocks beneath my feet.  The gentle sound of water currents grew stronger as Elliot led me further forward.

                Elliot stopped, pulling me to stillness next to him.  He reached up slowly, pulling the blindfold away from my face.

                There in front of me stood the creek, preserved by the surrounding trees to look exactly as it had three years before, when Elliot first showed it to me.

                I smiled, scenes from that night beginning to flash through my mind once more, that magical night that had started everything.  I turned to face Elliot, question in my gaze.  “Why did you bring me here, Elliot?”

                He sent me a grin, pulling his hand out from behind his back.

                He extended out to me a single, freshly-cut, beautiful red rose.

                I took the rose, softly running my fingertips along the stem, moving them up to caress the petals.  I leaned in to press my lips to Elliot’s.  “I love you.”

                “I love you, too,” he spoke after a moment’s hesitation.  He fumbled with the other object in his hand.

                I distracted myself from the silence that had settled over by twirling the stem of the rose between my fingers.  It was quite a beautiful rose, the petals lusciously tender like the lips of the man who had given it to me.  But still something was not quite right.  The air was too heavy and the dark too deep to truly reveal all that was hidden in the shadows.  Besides, Elliot only gave me a rose on special occasions.

                I looked up to see him fumbling with something his pocket, quickly pulling his hand away when he sensed my eyes upon him.  I placed my hand upon his chin and tilted his head up, forcing him to make eye contact with me.  “Baby… what’s wrong?”

                Elliot let out a laugh, wrapping an arm around my waist.  “Nothing. It’s just…”  He faked a sniffle.  “My little girl is growing up.”

                “Aww…”  I leaned my head against his shoulder.  “I’m sorry, honey.  But you’re just going to have to deal with that.”

                Elliot laughed and kissed me on the head.  He forced a sigh.  “If I must…”  He cleared his throat, ran his fingers through my hair.  “So, you’re finally out of school.”

                I leaned my head back to look up at him.  “Yeah…  It feels weird, you know?  All those years you’re just waiting for High School to end, so you can get on with the rest of your life, and now, here it is.”

                He tilted his head to the side.  “The rest of your life? What have you got planned?”

                I felt a light blush set over my cheeks and averted my eyes to the ground.  I didn’t want him to know what I was thinking.  “I’m not sure yet.”

                Elliot flashed me a knowing smile.  That was the thing about Elliot: he always seemed to know everything, whether I wanted him to or not.  He lifted my chin, giving me a light peck on the lips before proceeding to ask, “You’re not sure yet?”

                I shook my head, smiling down at the ground.  “Nope.”

                He laughed, pressing his forehead to mine.  “No idea at all?”

                Shaking my head quicker, I tried to squirm out of his grip on my waist.  But Elliot knew better than to let me go.

                He pulled me tighter to him, teasing my lips with his.  “You must have something in mind.”

                I shook my head again, squirming in his grasp.

                Elliot grinned.  “I know a way to get it out of you…”

                I froze.  Uh-oh.

                Within moments I was on the ground, twisting as Elliot’s fingers danced across my stomach and sides.  I howled with laughter, the tingling sensation running through my nerves.  “Stop it!” I shrieked, grabbing at his hands with mine, trying to pull them to a stop.

                Pinning my hands to my sides, Elliot shifted slightly on top of me, pushing me back to lay flat against the side of the bank.  “So, you really don’t want to tell me?”

                I bit my lip, shifting my eyes to the trees, the stars, and the full moon above us.  I did want to talk to him.  I wanted to have my dreams come true, being with him and only him, waking up next to him day after day, and holding him closely for the rest of our lives.  But I wanted him to want the same thing, with no influence from me.

                Elliot shrugged and rolled next to me.  “That’s too bad, then,” he said as he took my hand in his.

                I blinked up at him in surprise.  What was that tone in his voice?  It wasn’t sadness, or disappointment, or anger.  It sounded happy, almost amused.  Was putting me through such torture amusing him?

                He laughed at my puzzled look, leaning over to kiss the tip of my nose.  “You’re so cute when you’re confused.”  He laughed again, reaching into his pocket to reveal a small black box.  “That’s too bad that you’re not sure what lies in your future…  Because, see, here I have this little black box…”

                Eyes falling upon the velvet-covered jewelry box, my breath caught in my throat.  I tried to say something, forcing my jaw to move, lips to flutter, but still no sound came out.

                Although his smile and gentle laugh kept him seemingly calm, Elliot’s true nervousness was exposed by how his fingers fidgeted with the box.  “Our futures are just like this box,” he began again, the magnetic force of his eyes upon me attracting mine to meet them.  “They come in all different kinds.  And we never truly know what it hides within it until we take a chance and go through the experience.  It may hold something wonderfully brilliant, or something we have to look deeper to see the beauty of.”

                He moved my hand to place my fingertips along the top, letting me feel the soft material for myself.  I played with the crack where the top and the bottom separated, gently pushing my nails into it.  Seeing my sudden eagerness, Elliot closed his hand around the top, pulling the box open for me to see.

                If the breath in my throat had escaped before, it caught again.  Inside the box sat the most beautiful diamond ring my eyes had ever beheld.

                Seeing my reaction, Elliot reached forward to take my hand again and gently rub my finger along the stone.  “We are like diamonds, Susannah.  This may not be perfect: it isn’t as large as you deserve, or as beautiful—but then again, when compared to you, even the greatest diamond would be nothing in my eyes.  All diamonds are different: different sizes, different shapes.  But it is their imperfections that set them apart from others, that make their good qualities stand out even more.  When you find someone that you truly love, they are perfect in your eyes.”  He sat up, taking my hand and pulling me with him.  “Susannah…  You are perfect in my eyes.  I love you so much.  I want to spend the rest of my life by your side.  And if you are truly unsure of your future, I will wait for you.”

                I forced the breath out of my throat, my body quivering as he reached for the ring, pulling it out of the box.  I swallowed hard, tears jumping into my eyes.  How could he know?  How did he always just know?  How did he know exactly what I wanted?  How did he know just what to say?  A few tear drops ran down my cheeks as Elliot slid the ring onto my finger, hesitating to give me time to protest.  Hearing nothing, he slid the ring all the way on and took both of my hands in his as he looked into my eyes.

                “Susannah, will you marry me?”

                A grin spread across my face as I leaned forward to kiss Elliot, hugging him tightly, weeping slightly into his shoulder; tears purely of happiness. “Yes, Elliot, I will marry you.  I love you so much.  I’m not exactly sure where my future lies, but I’m definitely sure I want you in it.”

                Tightly the man of my dreams held me until my tears stopped.  He wiped them away, taking my hand and bringing me to my feet.  “Come on,” he said softly.  “Let’s get you home.”

                I nodded, holding his hand tightly, the hand with the ring on it wrapped around the rose.  We got to his car and drove home in silence; not an awkward silence, merely satisfaction, content with all that had taken place.

                We arrived at my house and held one another tight.  “You know,” I began hesitantly, “my parents are fast asleep by now.  If you wanted to stay for a while…”  My voice trailed off.

                Elliot grinned, getting the message.  “Are you sure?”

                I nodded.  “I’m sure.”  I took his hand, and together we walked toward my window, for fear of the front door waking my parents up.  Elliot helped me climb in, and then followed.

                The moment his feet touched the floor, I was right in front of him, throwing my arms around his neck.  I kissed him softly, and heard his heart quickly pick up speed.  Elliot pulled away, taking my hand and leading me over to my bed.

                I kicked my shoes off and climbed beneath the blankets, moving over so that Elliot could come in as well.  He slid his shoes off uncertainly.  “Susannah, are you sure about this?  I don’t want to push you into anything.”

                I nodded.  “You’re not pushing me. I’m sure.”

                Elliot climbed in next to me.  I immediately moved to him, pulling him close and laying a deep kiss on his lips.  He sighed contently into the kiss, slowly working his hands from my waist to slide beneath the back of my shirt.  He pulled away once more and asked, “Are you absolutely sure?”

                Rather than replying, I leaned in to press my lips against his, sliding my hands onto his chest through his shirt.  Taking that as a ‘yes,’ Elliot slowly continued to pull my shirt over my head.

                -               -               -               -               -               -               -               -               -               -               -

                It was the most amazing feeling, falling asleep in the arms of the one I loved, pressed so close to him that I could hear his steady heartbeat with my ear against his bare chest, which rose and fell steadily beneath my head.

                I awoke the next morning to a set of lips pressed against mine.  I opened my eyes to see the man I loved leaning over me, fully dressed, the sky still dark behind him.  I sat up and pulled away, moving the blanket up to cover myself.  “Elliot..? What time is it?”

                He ran his fingers through my hair.  “Five-thirty.”

                My face fell.  “Crap!  Mom will be up in a half hour.”

                Elliot nodded.  “I know.  That’s why I have to go home now, alright?”

I nodded, leaning forward to hug him.  “How about you come over for dinner later?  Show my parents my wonderful fiancé?”

Smiling, Elliot leaned in to kiss me.  “That sounds wonderful.  But I really have to go.”

                He rose to his feet, and I followed, still covering myself with the blanket.  We walked to the window, still open from the previous night, and I held him tightly, only wishing that I could hold him for a little longer.  “Bye, Susannah,” he said softly.  “I love you.”

                I leaned up to kiss him gently.  “I love you, too.”

                He climbed out of the window and into his car.  Leaning out, the cool night breeze against my skin, I watched the headlights of the little red car pull out of the driveway, turn, and disappear down the road.

                When I came out of a long shower, the hall was already lit with natural light.  My mom was in the kitchen, and upon seeing the ring on my finger, she proceeded to cry and hug me.  She was happy for me, and knew that Elliot was truly a wonderful man.  My father wasn’t too thrilled at the thought of his only daughter marrying at such a young age, but he would just have to deal with that.

                The table was set for four that night.  The plates and the white tablecloth sparkled brilliantly under the light, and I was sure that the neighbors had grown envious of the luscious scent of the cooking turkey.  I only hoped that Elliot would like it.

                The phone rang, and I leaped to my feet, as though I somehow knew who would be on the line.  I picked up the phone. “Hello?”

                “Hey, sweetie,” said the familiar voice on the other end of the phone.  “You sound out of breath.  Everything alright?”

                I laughed into the receiver.  “Oh, yeah.  Just busy making sure dinner is perfect for my sweetie.”

                “Aww.  Well, I just got into the car—OH MY GOD!  I love this song!”  There was a pause, followed by music suddenly turning louder, and Elliot singing loudly with the words.  “So I’m gonna bring home a dozen roses, and pour us a glass of wine.  And I’m gonna put on a little music, and turn down the lights.  And I’m gonna wrap my arms around you, and rock you all through the night, and I’m gonna love you, like it’s the last day of my life!”

                I laughed.  “Aww, that’s sweet!  But I’ll let you go.  No talking while driving.”

                Elliot let out a disappointed sigh.  “Alright, Susannah.  I’ll see you soon.  I love you, forever and always!”

                “I love you, too.  Bye!”  With that, I hung up the phone, and turned my attention back to the turkey.

                The daylight faded and the darkness approached, engulfing the house, the street, and everything around it.  Almost an hour later, there was still no sign of Elliot.

                I turned off the stove and went to sit on the living room couch, chin rested upon my hands, elbows propped upon the windowsill.  My heart leaped into my throat as each car approached, only to sink back into place as they passed.

                The phone rang, and I leaped off of the couch.  Maybe it was Elliot with a perfectly good explanation of why he was late.  I sprinted to the phone, only to find that my mother had beaten me there.  She spoke into the receiver, a solemn expression on her face.  I wondered what was wrong, but shrugged it off and returned to the couch to wait for Elliot.

                Fifteen more cars passed during the ten minutes my mother was on the phone.  Not one of them slowed or turned toward the driveway.  When the last car had passed, I felt my mother’s hand upon my shoulder.

                “Hey, mom,” I said.  “Who was that?”

                For a moment, she didn’t respond.  There was a tension in the air, but I ignored it, the feeling replaced with hope as another car came into view, and disappointment as it faded.

                “…Susannah…”

                The hesitation in my mother’s voice made me turn, only to see her eyes lined with tears.  A panic rose into my chest.  “Mom? What’s wrong?  What happened?”

                She took a deep breath and placed an arm around my shoulders.  “Susannah…  Elliot’s mother just called…”

                My heart sank, my mind going blank.  I opened my mouth to say something, but closed it again when no sound came out.

                Taking another deep breath, my mother closed her eyes and swallowed hard.  “Elliot… was in a car accident…”

                I swear I felt my heart stop for a moment and start again, going twice its normal speed.  Was he alright?  What if he was hurt?  I jumped off of the couch.  “What are we sitting here for?  Is he in the hospital?  What hospital?  I’ll drive.”

                My mother extended a hand, placing it gently on my forearm to stop me, as I had already started to head for the door.  All she could manage to say was, “No, Susannah…  No…”

                I froze, looking back at her.  My mind went blank again.  “Mom..?”

                Tears spilled out of her eyes as she pulled on my arm.  “Sit down, Baby…”

                I sat down obediently, my mind going from a blank slate to a fast-forwarded movie, flashing from one scene to the next before my mind could settle on a single thought.  Why was my mother acting this way? Did she realize how badly she was scaring me?

                She wrapped both of her arms around my shoulders.  “Susannah…  It was a horrible crash…  The other driver was drunk…  Head-on collision…”

                Tears jumped into my eyes.  No, no, no.  This couldn’t be happening.  “Mom… what are you saying?”

                She sniffled, closing her eyes.  “Baby…  Elliot…  Didn’t make it.”

                My world stopped at those words.  Didn’t make it?  How could he have not made it?  He was just fine.  He had to be.  I felt my heart fall to the floor and shatter as I wiggled out of my mother’s arms, rising and backing away from the couch.  “No.  No!  You’re wrong!  You’re lying!”  My body shook as violently as my voice as the tears fell from my eyes.  “I just talked to him an hour ago.  He’s fine.  You’re lying.”

                She rose and walked toward me, tears rolling freely down her cheeks.  I turned and ran into my room, slamming and locking the door behind me.

                I ran to my bed in hysterics, pulling a pillow off and holding it tight, falling to my knees as I sobbed.  “No, no, no…”  I could barely hear my mother banging at the door and calling my name.

                I curled up on the floor, holding my pillow tightly, crying into it.  “No, no, no…”

                I stayed there for an hour, sobbing openly into my pillow, before I fell asleep.

 

                Darkness had once more turned mysteriously into light, although it didn’t manage to touch my eyes, my smile, my heart, or my soul.  I blinked to clear my sight.  Why does Fate show no mercy?  Could she not allow me to mourn in peace?  Why must she torture me with a light that was not but darkness in my eyes?

                I blinked again and looked around.  Where was I?  I could hardly see through this near-blinding light.  In fact, I could see nothing at all but the pure, pure white, so bright and comforting and warm that it had begun to dry my tear-stained face.  I looked around, and all that I could see was this light.  Where was I?  Why was it so bright?

                Suddenly, in front of me, this light grew even brighter, so much so that it left an imprint on the inside of my eyelids and shined between my fingers as I held up a hand to shield my eyes.

                “…Susannah…”

                I blinked again and again, but no matter how hard I strained my eyes, they did not seem to want to see through the blinding light before me.  The light grew brighter, brighter, brighter still, beyond the point where I was sure I’d gone blind, until my eyes physically ached from trying to take in such a high luminosity and even my eyelids could no longer filter it out.

                “Susannah.”  The first time my name was called, it seemed to come from somewhere distant, reverberating off of whatever walls, ceilings, or floors may have been hidden from view in this light, finally reaching my ears as the eerie chorus of angels reaching through a dream.  But this time, it was so strong, so clear, and the vague familiarity and unseen proximity turned my heart to ice; until I felt the warmth of human flesh upon my face and it once more melted back into place as the hand washed away any ghostly remnants of tears and my vision slowly began to clear.

                The first thing I saw were his eyes, dark and sad like the eyes of a pitiful dog, but glazed over with happiness, as though he had momentarily forgotten his reasons for being sad.  These eyes pierced into mine with the same intensity of the preceding light along with an unimaginable amount of love, passion, desire, and need.  I could nearly see the reflection in his eyes of mine lighting up.

                His lips curled into a smile as he once more spoke my name.  “Susannah…”

                “Elliot…”  Was this real?  Was he really here?  But my mother had said…  He was…  But he was right here…  He couldn’t be…  The thought alone threw me back into a fit of hysterics.

                Elliot placed one arm around my waist to draw me nearer to him, and the other hand gently upon the back of my head to tilt my eyes downward into his shoulder, a gesture I gladly accepted.

                I continued to cry into his shoulder for another minute, taking long, deep breaths to calm myself down, Elliot gently caressing the back of my head and my back.  “Elliot…”  I spoke his name once more when I had re-gained control of my body.  I pulled away to look again into those dark eyes I had thought I would never see again.  “I thought I’d lost you…”  I leaned my forehead against his, ran my fingertips down his cheek, choking back another oncoming sob.  “You wouldn’t believe…  My mother…  She…  She thought…”

                My voice trailed off when his eyes dropped to the floor and he shifted his feet uncomfortably.  “Elliot?”  I brought a hand to his chin to force him to meet my eyes.  “Sweetie, what is it?  What’s wrong?  Elliot, you’re scaring me…”

                Elliot sighed and took both of my hands in his and laced our fingers.  “You know, Susannah, I never thought this would happen to me.”  I searched his eyes for a deeper meaning; finding none, I gave his hands a gentle squeeze, prompting him to continue.  “I just…  I never imagined I’d ever meet someone as great as you.  I never imagined I’d fall in love.  I never imagined anyone would ever feel the same way.  I never imagined planning a future with someone.  I never imagined…”  He looked down; took a deep breath; swallowed hard, “…That I could lose all of that in one night.”

                My breath caught in my throat; my mind went blank; my heart stopped, running my blood cold.  What was he saying?

                Elliot continued.  “I was just driving into town.  I wanted to pick up some flowers for you and your mom.  A bouquet of roses; I thought you’d like them.  It just…  All happened so fast…  I…  I didn’t feel a thing, Susannah, so don’t worry about it…”  His voice trailed off.

                My heart suddenly leaped back to life, racing faster and faster with every second.  It was all a bad dream, it had to be, Elliot and I were going to spend the rest of our lives together and have a family and be happy and it had to be a dream but how could it be, the pain of realizing that this was the last time I’d ever see him was all too real and pain doesn’t exist in dreams, dreams were happy places where Elliot and I were together and laughed and smiled and were happy, but this had to be a dream, but I could feel the tears upon my cheeks and his arms embracing me and his lips on mine—

                “Susannah…  Please…  Calm down…”

                I sobbed loudly into his shoulder.  “How can I calm down?  You just…  You just…  Told me…  That…  That…”  My voice trailed off into another set of tears and sobs.

                He pressed his cheek into the top of my head, running his hands along my back.  “Susannah…  Please…  I don’t have much time…”

                I pulled away and looked to the ground, twirling the ring gently around my finger.  “But…  You…  You promised me forever…”

                He was trying not to cry, I saw for the first time.  He leaned over and wiped his thumb under my eyes, the feeling of his dry, warm skin tingling across my entire face as the cold, wet tears evaporated at his touch.

                “Susannah, please.  Don’t cry for me.  I don’t want you to be sad when you think of me.”

                I sniffled and looked up into his eyes.  “But…  Elliot…  How can I not?  I…  I need you…  How am I supposed to live without you?”

                He smiled gently.  “You’ll find a way.  I will always be with you, Susannah, in your dreams, your memories, your heart.  I gave myself to you, Susannah.  My heart is completely and only yours.  As long as you think of me with laughter, and feel my love in your heart, I will always be with you.  Just know that even when I’m not by your side, I will always be with you, I will always love you.  When you love someone as much as I love you, nothing can take away that love.”

                I opened my mouth to say something, but it was lost in the deep kiss Elliot had placed upon my lips.  He pulled away and I looked up at him silently, waiting for him to continue, my eyes lining with tears.

                Elliot rested his forehead against mine and took my hands tightly in his before continuing.  “I want you to live for me, Susannah.  I want you to do all the things I couldn’t, and do them with a smile, with laughter.  I want to see you happy.  I will always love you.  Keep that love with you always.  Find someone who will take good care of you, treat you right, who you could have a family with.  Do all that you can to make yourself happy, because when you’re happy, I’m happy.  Always remember that I love you, and that I want you to be happy.  Live your life to the fullest, if not for yourself, then for me.  Can you promise me that, Susannah?”

                I started to protest, my tears falling freely, but Elliot placed a finger to my lips.

                “Please, Susannah.  That’s all I ask of you.  Please, just promise me that.”

                I looked up into his eyes and saw that they mirrored mine in the fact that they were now lined with tears, and closed mine tightly as more tears fell from them.  I hesitantly nodded.

                Elliot embraced me one last time, tighter than he ever had before.   He pushed my hair back behind my ear and whispered softly, “Remember me with laughter, never with tears.  Live for the future, but never the past.  Release the pain, but cherish the love.  Remember that, Susannah.”

                He squeezed me tightly once more and then let go, tilting my chin up and planting a gentle kiss on my lips.  “I have to go now,” he said gently.

                “No.”  I shook my head vigorously, squeezing his hand for dear life.  “I need you…”

                He returned the squeeze but began to back away.  “I’ll wait for you, Susannah.  But don’t rush.  I’d wait an eternity to be with you.  Live long and happy for me, Susannah.   Smile as you do the things I couldn’t.   Cherish my love, and I will always be with you.”   His hand slipped from mine.  “I love you, Susannah, forever and always.”

                I wrapped my arms tightly around myself, sniffling and crying harder still.  “I love you.”

                A light shined down upon him, and he gave me a warm smile.  “Goodbye, Susannah,” he said in almost a whisper.  Elliot closed his eyes and tilted his head into the blinding light, and in a moment he was gone.

 

                It was so dark that I could hardly tell whether or not my eyes were open.  I could feel my pillow pressed tightly against my body, I could feel that my cheeks were completely soaked, and I could feel the gaping hole in my heart Elliot had left.

                Elliot…

                Tears once more began to fall from my eyes.  I would never be in his arms again, never marry him, never have a family with him, never grow old with him.

                “Cherish my love, and I will always be with you.”  The distant echo of a memory rang throughout my head, causing me to sit up.  Elliot…  When had he said that?  Had I fallen asleep?  Had I dreamed about him?  Or…  Had he…?

                I shook my head and stood up, forcing the thought away.   No, that wasn’t possible.  It had definitely been a dream; a very realistic and touching dream, but a dream nonetheless.

                I walked over to the window and pulled it open, closing my eyes at the feeling of cool air washing over my tear-stained face.  I opened my eyes again and looked up into the starry sky.  He was up there, somewhere; up in that gorgeous place, looking down at me.  The stars reminded me of his smile, so beautiful and reassuring.  The sky seemed so much more beautiful, so much brighter, with their new amazing addition.

                I closed my eyes and inhaled a long, deep breath of cool night air.  I would join him, someday.  We will be together again.  But he doesn’t want me to rush.

                I began to pull the window closed again, but stopped as I realized that there was something on the windowsill.  Had it been there before?  I didn’t remember seeing it as I went to open the window.

I could hardly make out the foreign object in the darkness, so I bent down to take a closer look.  For the second time that night, I felt my heart stop and quicken its pace at the same time; felt my blood pulse and run cold; felt the familiar warmth and a chill up my spine that had nothing to do with the breeze.

There, on the windowsill, sat a single red rose.

 

Author's Note

I would like all the criticism I can get. Please alert me of any typos I may have made, though I think I caught them all.

Reviews

[Bree]

Brilliant! I absolutly LOVE the last line though. It was very beautiful