"Did you Like the Thunderstorms?"

For my amazing father, whose mind might be fleeing from him but cherish every moment possible.

"Did you like the thunderstorm last night?"

That was the question he asked that made me realize 

Daddy isn’t getting better

Daddy isn’t going to get better.

It wasn’t the question itself 

It was how he said it

He was speaking as if he was in a trance 

And in a way

He was. 

When I was a young child 

I really Thought 

 Daddy might be cured one day

And we would 

Jump

                         And leap

And cry

In happy joy!

Happy joy.

But now

Daddy is 61

He’s been sick since he was 19

But he could fix the sick!

Just add insulin!

Plain and simple.

But that takes a toll on your body

And your mind too. 

Daddy drinks to help his body not hurt

Daddy is a happy drunk

Helps him feel warm and laugh at life 

But 

He got even sicker 2 years ago

Now he shakes even when his sugar level is fine

He forgets more  than he used too.

He can’t think coherent thoughts sometimes

And not in a happy drunk babble way.

Daddy’s mind is giving up on him.

And Parkinson’s is putting him under a trance. 

“Did you hear the thunderstorms last night?”

That question 

When I heard it 

I really thought

Now! I have to ask him to teach me all the knots

 Now! He has to teach me how to Clean all the rods

Now! He has to teach me to Get the kayaks ready

Now! I need to know how to do everything we’ve ever done together. 

I needed to ask now 

Before

He can’t do it

Anymore. 

I needed to ask now 

Before

He can’t 

 Answer

Anymore.

Daddy will always be Daddy

And even though

It hurts to see him like this

And even though 

it was something I knew would happen

I just somehow thought that maybe it wouldn’t 

Happen. 

It was a child’s dream 

I’ve been living in a sweet, innocent child’s  daydream 

And I want to sleep again. 

“I did like the thunderstorm Daddy” I answered

And turned away quickly 

Before he could ask me why I’m crying. 

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Having been raped by my bio-dad for years during my youth, I struggle to appreciate poems that appreciate dads. But your poem transports me to a place where I was completely immersed in how this must feel for anyone who was blessed by a great dad. You make this sound so real, yet so fresh & original. You paint what matters with such buoyant earnestness, for a few minutes I was right there beside you about this. There are hundreds of these kinds of parent tributes written & posted at the cafe & hardly any stir me one iota. This poem really really stirs me! Your heart is on full display (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Relic]

My father also has a mild case of Parkinson's, can't walk and now suffers from dementia. Being I'm his caregiver I go through many nights of hearing him scream in the middle of the night.

He's talked to people who aren't there and can't get his words out when trying to ask a question. Ive been to emergency rooms and rehabs for many years.

I'm sorry you have to go through so much. It's hard to understand why life is so hard but we have to do what we have to do I guess. I wish you luck.