Starving

Perfection is her goal,
To prove her self control.

She can not give in yet,
The devil made her a bet.

Her eyes, red and bruised,
Her self esteem abused.

Water, drugs, and exercize;
Excuses for starving turn into lies.

She sits on her bed,
Wishing she'd be fed.

Though this is part of the bet,
And she'll fall apart if she starts to regret.

Each day the scale takes a pound or two away,
She waiting impatiently, hating each new day.

Her stomache, it cries,
But theres demands in her mind.

Screams for help to win this game,
Anorexia, taking her life away .
 

 

*3 people out of 5 die of Anorexia daily*

 

 

Author's Note

what do you guys think?

Reviews

[Kriss]

Love it love you love your writing !
♥

♥Kriss

[Sapphire.Diamond]

fine make fun of me.
perfection is the only way to be
and plus remembers we use to play
who could lose the weight fastest ;)

[Michelle Anselm]

Mm, to me the rhyming sounds forced, not comfortable at all. The couplets feel disjointed, although they do share the common theme of the girl's struggle with anorexia. That in itself is still a powerful message, but I'm not sure this adequately conveys the pain that goes with such a disorder. I like the first couplet the most:

"Perfection is her goal,
To prove her self control."

For that is what anorexia is really all about. The concept is captured quite well, but the delivery is a little shaky. Overall - OK job. (:

[Marina]

Woah.

This is amazing.
Great job.