Urban Scrumping (An Ode To Cider)

1.

Oh my swelling apple carts
Take a few
Then take up a pew
And enjoy the addled tarts

It all swills before my eyes
The amber nectar
That befuddled my ol’ rector
With cleavage, toilets and neckties.

It’s generally considered not a good idea
To drink the cloudy stuff
So try lighter fluff
Like getting shitfaced on beer.

2.

Oh so much worse
Is the damned curse
Of supermarket cider.

Oh my God! White Lightening!
Oh my God! Its so frightening!
Cider for fools.

Brought to the park by your brother
Or some twit, twat, t’other.
Brain rot, vomit, no more cider.

3.

You drink it.
You stink of it.
There’s no queen soundtrack
Just your violent hack
You drink, you smoke
You consider a toke
You drink, swap a CD
And give each other VD.

4.

As fools fall
Into bushes and gutters.

As they drink the lightening
And rot their minds like dope.

As they wake up
With God’s cider hangover.

I sit in my West Country pub
Slowly sipping my nectar.

Let the French worship their wine
Hang them in their twine

Just give me another cider
Without it I’d be less wider

And for that I am grateful.
 

Reviews

[Brianna Brie]

You drink it.
You stink of it.
There's no queen soundtrack
Just your violent hack
You drink, you smoke
You consider a toke
You drink, swap a CD
And give each other VD.

Sort of breaths humorous sarcasm. Original words describing a drunken night.

[Blackbirdsong]

I live where in the area of NY where Johnny Appleseed actually came through, so apple country up here and lots of fresh cider, etc. So while reading this I was smiling in several places thinking about the differences between fresh cider and the supermarket kind. And of course there is also cider hangover...funny. I really enjoyed this piece. The title drew me in so I just had to see what this was about. :)