-I looked around and did want to join the conversation but I fail every time. Is it my fault that you guys do not include me? Though I do know that I find it hard to communicate or involve with you all but that's my nature. Honestly I feel like an outcast whenever I'm around you people. Try to view it from a third persons perspective just once, you will realise that I do try to talk but get ignored everytime. I have turned into a fun person around people I feel comfortable with and I believed that you guys are family so I obviously am supposed to be more at ease with you guys but then again tadaaa. It's more awkward around you all, everyone would enjoy talking with her but if I even try to say something that I had thought so much before letting it slip from my mouth I feel unwanted & not validated. I don't know whether it's me overthinking or that's exactly how it goes around everyone. I feel as if I'm wrong to get such selfish or vain and sort of jealous thoughts in my head.I start feeling sorry for getting any thoughts which are supposed to come if a person has emotions && a head. But then again why stop my feelings and need for importance and involvement just because of that one hinderance as what would people think about that?
It should be I, Me and Myself sometimes {most of the times} for me to grow and love my very own self.
You should be the one important in your life for yourself.
I just do not want to be commented on ( Why does she not talk? Why don't you stay in contact with your family?Why do you always sit in the corner alone?) and all.
Everybody has her, everyone would trust her & need her. I've never got to experience that feeling of being needed and cared for , I don't remember so happening.....
And then again after all these fears living She is the one I wish to be & would not be....
23:07 28/03/2024
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