A dieing god and an illusion

The vision of a cross
Nailed delicately is your body
Crucified
My holy sAIN'T
My martyr
Is quickly becoming nothing
Decaying
Rotting away
Eviserated
My memories of love
Are overlaid with memories of mistrust
Betrayal
Denial
Love can not fix everything
And hope will be the death of me
I am standing here
Alone
Wishing that I could feel your hands
As the plunge into my chest
And rip out my heart
Because I feel like the mirror
That I shattered with a hammer last night
I feel like the razorblade
That I haven't used to mark myself yet
I feel like the stars
As they explode in the cosmos
I feel like the cure
That makes the disease worse
I feel like an angel
Who has lost her wings
And tried to tattoo them back on
But I can't fly
Or feel the warmth of god
Because there is not god for me
You were my god
And now you're dieing
Your own demise
Destroying all we could be
For a few sips from a bottle
As you beg the truth from me
How can I tell you that I'm angry
That you make me want to kill myself
For being stupid enuf to fall in love
I want to know who I am
Without having to think about how it will effect you
I want to crawl inside of myself and have a meeting
With all of the muses inside of my head
Because my words are so perfect
They come out so right
When I'm typing or scribbling them down
But when I speak my voice is hoarse
You can tell I've been screaming every night
At the girl that's in my bathroom mirror
Because I no longer recognise who I am
Who is this girl that's 52 pounds heavier
With short hair and butch clothes
Who is this girl that everyone assumes is gay
With downcast sad-filled kohl rimmed eyes
Please someone tell me
Who am I
Why am I a ghost story
Coming from nowhere
Speaking a language of no words
That no one seems to understand
As I get lost in the translations
Trapped in the world
That's in between the sides of the mirror
Whispering songs that no one hears
Because you are my dieing god
And I am just an illusion