Thedieing goddess with an army of tears

I look in the mirror
And I don't know who I see
This bruised, swollen girl
Filled with scars and doubt
I just want to scream
I want everything to just stop
I never thought I'd be with a man
And sometimes I feel scared
I wonder how things shifted
And why I don't care anymore
Even though sometimes fear still fills me
I used to be in control
I used to be dominate
Now I feel weak
I feel like a beaten animal
But I couldn't tell you why
I'm in love with you
But is it enough
I'm afraid
To ask you to just calm down
Embracing the animal in you
Does not give you a free pass
To scar me and abuse me
Because I'm trying to hide my pain
By smiling and laughing
To hide a face of tears
I can't hit you like you hit me
I can't stand up against you at all
And you can't truely tame me
My emotions are like the ocean
Sometimes they drown me
Sometimes they aren't there at all
You call me out when I stare
But do you realize
I'd never be with another guy
Even when I look at them
But sometimes I think of going back
To a wolrd of lady fingers and kisses
And I hold it all in
Because of my fear of you
Telling me to just leave
That's not what I need
I don't want to hear
How you'd just give up
And tell me to f**k off
I love you
And that fact terrifies me
Because you are stronger
You are violent
And you don't even want to work on it
You want to stay that way
And I can't see myself
With someone so dominating
Forever
I want you to grow with me
I want my inner peace
To be mirrored in you
But I don't see it
I know we have a past
And that it's as long as time
But how far can you see us
Do you truely see us forever
Or will you just kill me
When you realize you can't tame me
Because I am hiding inside
And I am building more than a bomb
I'm building a f*****g army
Of emotional grenades and mustard gas
And you won't realize I'm finished
Before it's too late
Just like my mother
Just like everyone else
I am a ticking time bomb
And I'm trying so hard
To defuse this private bomb
Without causing you harm
Or exploding into a million pieces
But I feel like I'm shattering
Falling apart like an antique wedding dress
Into a billion stars
Falling from the heavens
Like the noiseless sound
Of angels crying
As their god slowly dies
Choking on her own suicide