Ghost of Me

Life is becoming weird, a strange and warped trip.
I love being here, in the home land so close to my ocean.
So close to the tides that held me in the warm summer and taught me life.
And I'm getting farther and farther away from his lake.
His still stagnant waters.
With no tides and no waves to rock you to sleep.
Telling me to control myself.
I'm tired of walking on this tightrope.
Just for him.
This is not life.
I am a sexual being, I always have been.
I am not promiscuous.
That phase ended when I was 16.
I am the pheonix forever rising.
With my wings stolen from an angel.
And covered in soot.
I know that my heart is in his hands.
But if I sever his hands from him.
I regain my heart.
Anger is seething.
I am emotional.
I am dangerous.
I am a loaded gun.
I am brass knuckles and sharp knives.
I am Calla lilies and babies breath.
I am the begining abd the end.
I am the heart and the razorblade.
I am freed from my cage.
And you, however beautiful you are, will never be strong enough.
There is more than just you and me now.
But will I forever have to be chained to eve and your rules.
Chained in my cage.
Locked away safe and quiet.
From all of the men and women that are captivated by me.
As I dance Lillith's dance, Kali's dance.
You can almost see the snakes moving with me.
This joyus dance I deliver.
And you tell me "dance in your cage dear"
But there is no room to stand in that cage.
There is no room for dancing with snakes.
When if I stand my knees with stay bent.
So choose
Do you want the true me?
Or the diluted version you have been gladly receiving.
Because you told me to release myself from the walls I'd put up.
I didn't realize that was only behind locked doors.
I thought that meant for all times.
But then I have to be on my best behavior.
And try to watch my filth mouth from the words I spew.
And try to stay still as the music whispers
"Dance, Dance, my child of the wildfires"
I will always be me.
So now choose
Do you want the true me
Or memories of a ghost of me