Hurt (Eight)

I love Johnny Cash, his songs are so deep

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here
-Hurt, Johnny Cash (I love him!!)

I stare at the screen in front of me. My phone shows a picture of Adam and I. We’re laughing. We were at the beach. I’d been a little more happier then. It was the second day after his second date with Sierra, I think.

I blink, suddenly aware of the tears that have formed in my eyes. My jaw clenches and I look at something else. The scar on my wrist. It will fade over time, just like me.

I always thought that my life couldn’t get any worse. Turns out, it could. I flip off the ceiling and mutter a quick, “F**k you.”

“Who are you talkin’ to?” Bella asks, sitting on the couch, across from me.

“I’m talking to the sky.” I can’t find it in me to be the loving big sister, not right now.

“Why?” she asks. She is three, so I can’t be mad at her…yet. But at the same time, there is too much worry, pain, and anxiety in my chest. Adam…

I snap my head to the other wall. No. Don’t think about him.

But my stupid brain has never listened before, so why should it start now? I glance at the shovel lying on the floor. It has crusty blood on it. I don’t know what if makes me when I think that I am glad it’s my family’s blood and not my friend’s. Then again, my shovel is not the only thing with blood on it. Stop. Stop. Stop!

“I love you, Emma.”

I silently plead with my mind to stop this torture. I’ll never get a thing done. Not that I’m doing much anyway.

“I-” Oh my fluffy bunnies! Is that the time? The weather looks horrible today. Well, to most people it does, but I l-

“Love-” Nope! I hate weather. I hate carrots. I hate tacos. Now matter how hard I try, they always give me an upset stomach. Some people say yo-

“You-” I clench my fists. Stop thinking about it! Please, I plead, it doesn’t matter.

Liar, liar, pants on fire, Em-

“Emma.”

“I love you, Emma.” I close my eyes in anguish. Those four little words have been replaying in my head for an hour. Each time it hurts more than the last. Adam said he loved me. I said I loved Adam. I could have stopped him. I said it was okay to go in the basement!

It’s your fault! It’s your fault your boyfriend is-

“Emma?” I look up into Austin’s hazel eyes. He and Devon got here seconds after the incident in the basement. “He’s awake.”

A breath of air whooshes from me in relief and slight panic. Of course, you can’t forget the hysteria that’s been threatening to bubble over the whole time. I silently thank everyone I said I didn’t believe in.

Austin doesn’t know about the bite. He’s eighteen and was planning to be a paramedic. He used to help out in the nurses office when he lived here. I was afraid he wouldn’t try to help Adam if he knew.

Austin’s my uncle’s god kid. Every few months he comes to visit, but he and Adam have never met. Austin has a dark tan to match his deep brown almost black hair. He sypposedly works out a lot and he definitely has nice biceps. The last I saw him was January.

“How is he?” I asked softly. As if I can do more damage, just by talking.

“He was confused when he woke up. He doesn’t know me, so naturally he freaked out a bit. Then I said I was a friend of yours. After that he only asked about you,” Austin gave me a sidelong glance, at which point I blushed.

I love you, Emma.

“Me?” I asked, confused. I tried to clear my thoughts again.

“When I said your name, he got kind of panicky. He was looking around a lot and asked where you were.” We were almost at the top of the stairs, and I bit my lip.

So I guess he did blame me. Now, he didn’t want me there. I felt my heart race just a little bit faster, and I wondered if someone my age could have a stroke or heart attack. Austin opened the door for me and I tentatively stepped in.

Adam’s head snapped in my direction and his burning gaze caught mine. I felt tears prick my eyes. He had gauze wrapped around his head and his face was still whiter than normal.

“I’ll leave you two alone, then. And ah, Emma? I need to talk to you when you’re done in here.” Austin patted me on the shoulder, which Adam watched with narrowed eyes, might I add.

“Hey,” I said, softly. My eyes dropped to the ground. “I’m so sorry.”

I was studying the floor intently, so I didn’t see his initial reaction. “For what?” he asks, confused.

“For…” My voice shakes, “For almost killing you. I know…I know you might regret what you said…and..and it’s fine, really. I wouldn’t want to be with me, either.”

“What?” he exclaims. I look up at him, now the one whose confused.  “You didn’t almost kill me!”

He didn’t object to not being with me.

I love you, Emma.

I feel tears well again. I turn to leave, thinking there’s nothing else to say, really. “Emma! Wait! Where are you going?”

“I thought….” I falter, trying to control the urge to cry. “I thought you didn’t want me to be around anymore.”

“What?” he exclaimed, sitting up quickly. He grabbed his head and I rushed forward. “Of course, I want you around! I…I love you.” He blushes when he says it.

I stare at him. Apparently I stare for too long because he asks in a hurt voice, ”Were you lying when you said it before?”

“No! Of course not! I’ve been in love with you, since forever!” I exclaim before I can stop myself. Like I said, no verbal filter.

The beam on his face is worth it, though. “Really?”

Now it’s my turn to blush redder than a tomato. “Well, yeah. I have to go talk to Austin, okay? I’ll be right back.”

I see his scowl for a second before he hides it. I don’t care, I’m so giddy that I actually just thought the word ‘giddy’. “Hurry back.”

I turn as I walk out, “Always.”

I leave him with a grin on his face.

“Austin?” I find him in the kitchen.

“So…I know this is probably a really bad time…but who was that girl you were hanging out with last time you were here?”

The s**t-eating grin that was plastered on my face widened, “That would be Carlee. My best girl friend.”

He look sheepish. “Well…do you think she would go for a guy like me? If we ever met?”

I look him over. “Yes…I think she would.”

He grins and walks away to go see Devon. I look around lightly trace the X on my wrist, just enough to slightly hurt the tiniest bit. I grin. I’m not dreaming!

I love you, Emma.

Author's Note

yeah, yeah, yeah. it's a happy ending...for now >:)

Reviews

[Rhea752]

i don't hate you anymore. good write!!!!!!

[Sophie]

thank you for fixing it temporarily... but shouldn't he be a zombie by now? if not, DON'T CHANGE IT!
I get a boyfriend lalalalalala lalaaalalaaaaa! *dances happily in her chair*

[Amanda]

One; it's all part of the plan, Sophie...
Two; maybe you'll get two, who knows. Maybe you;ll get DAVE!!! jk i would never do that even if you are The Rapist

[Sophie]

OWSRALL to the end :P