You Don't Know My Mind (Twelve)

another gateway

You made me get mad and you made me get sad,
The going gets tougher than you ain’t never had,
Baby you don’t know, you don’t know my mind,
When you see me laughing, I’m laughing just to keep from cryin’
-You don’t know my mind, Hugh Laurie




“Is she gonna be okay?”

The words are slightly distorted to me, but they’re all I hear. I can’t focus on anything. I try to identify what’s around me. “I can’t make any promises.” That voice sounds a bit more normal. I hear ticking. Puffs of air. I slowly begin to feel my body again. I have a feeling like there’s extreme tension in the room, swirling around with anxiety and apprehension.

I can’t open my eyes yet. “This sucks.” I think that was Carlee.

“Can…can you tell me how she will be okay?”

“Well…we got to her within the first three minutes, which is good. Five and above would condemn death, most likely. There are a few cases where they pulled through though…” That had to be Austin.  I groaned feebly and I don’t think anyone but Adam heard it.

“Emma! Are you okay?” I could feel him standing close and leaning over me. I tried to open my eyes, but I snapped them shut the moment they opened.

Ow, ow, ow.

The light made my brain hurt. Adam repeated his question, slightly more frantic. I weakly lifted a hand to my forehead and my eyes fluttered open. This time the light wasn’t so bad. The first things I saw were Adam and Carlee. My eyes traveled over them, taking note of their changed clothes. “Guys?”

“Emma! You’re back!” Everyone chorused and Bella climbed into bed next to me. Wait, what?

I realized where I was. So we had made it to the school, after all. I wonder who carried me. Adam, probably. I looked over at him and felt my face fall a little at his distance. “We were crazy worried!” Carlee exclaimed.

Austin laughed and I saw the way he glanced at her. I raised my eyebrow slightly at him and his eyes widened slightly. That’s right buddy, I know you like her. “Reminded me of that time you and I jumped off of those rocks at the Camp.”

I grinned, albeit weakly. “Well, if you had just held my hand, I wouldn’t have fallen!”

Devon and Austin laughed, Devon added, “You were crying your eyes out!”

“I was not!” I defended, crossing my arms and sticking out my tongue.

“Alright, everybody out. I need to do some tests on Emma.” Austin finally said, deciding to end this fight before it even started. Everyone began to file out and Adam hesitated. I looked up hopefully, but he walked out. I let my face fall.

“So Emma…”

“So Austin….”I mimicked, rolling my eyes.

“I think you’re fine. The truth is, there aren’t really any test I can perform in a school nurse’s office. I really just wanted to ask you something…” he trailed off and a blush colored his cheeks.

I squealed, I’m not gonna lie.

He looked bewildered. “What?”

“Yes! Yes! Yes! I already know what you’re going to ask about and I can tell you the answer…yes!” I giggled.

“Wait…how do you know?”

“Um, I see the way you look at her.”

He blushed again, making me giggle harder. “Maybe I’m just looking at her because it would be rude not to?” Austin offered weekly, his hand scratching the back of his neck.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so she really loves chocolate. And I mean really loves chocolate. Her favorite color is green and she loves dark eyes, dark hair. Actually, I think you’re almost exactly her type. It’s almost like you two were made for each other!” I giggle.

For some reason I am insanely happy right now. Then I remember that I used to be prone to mood swings. I try to calm down a little.

Austin and I spend about fifteen minutes talking before Adam comes in. He’s wearing a slight frown and I wonder who put it there. Was it me? That causes me to frown.

Austin looks up and clears his throat, saying in a gruff voice, “Yep, you should be fine. Just…rest the rest of today and don’t over exert yourself for the next few days.” He nods at Adam on his way out, who just stares at the floor. I feel like something big is coming.

“Hi,” I said, looking at the blanket covering me. If I look up and see whatever horrible emotion in his eyes, I will cry. I’m sick of crying; I’ve done it all my life.

“Hey,” he says softly, forcing me to look up. I bite my lip against the caution in his eyes.

We are in silence for three minutes. Finally, I speak, even though my lip is wobbling. “Are you gonna get this over with?”

“What?” he sounds surprised. I blink and swallow the lump in my throat.

“You’re afraid…or regretful. Maybe both. That gives us two options; one, something happened that I don’t know about yet, or two, you’ve realized something and don’t know how to say it or something like that.” Adam opened his mouth to reply, but I held up a hand. “Don’t you dare tell me I’m wrong Adam Wrigley. I’ve been your best friend since we were six.”

Adam looked at me hesitantly, “Nothing happened. We got to the school. Kind of had to run a bit, since that thing attracted more. Now we’re here.”

I study the fold of the blanket, memorizing it’s details. “So…that leaves a realization. About me, or you probably would have told me already. It’s nothing something good, for the same reason.”

“Emma, I…” he faltered.

I waited, watching a single tear splash onto my hand, placed where the blanket began.

“I’m afraid that…that I’ll hurt you.” His voice came out in a whisper. That was quite opposite from my tone, which rang around the room with disbelief. “What if…what if I distract you or something…like yesterday? This world…it’s too dangerous. You could die…and I don’t want that to be because of me.”

“So you figure breaking up with me won’t distract me at all?” I asked, half cold, half curious.

“What? No! I…I don’t want to break up,” he said firmly.

“Then…what do you want?” I asked softly, afraid of the answer.

“I want you…and that’s what scares me,” he said, looking me straight in the eye.

Author's Note

So chapter twelve is up, reviews please?

Reviews

[Sophie]

I agree with Rhea752 :P
and I see what you did there with the chocolate...

[Amanda]

We're never going to let you live that down

[Sophie]

I know...

[Amanda]

:D

[Rhea752]

awwwwwww. i love you again. you fixed it. and i luv you and your writing. :P