Broken

Broken
I'm afraid to look up I'm afraid to be with my peers, I cannot be like the rest I am riddled with regret, I am broken
I lock myself up in the darkened pit of my mind I withdraw from the world ,feelings of dejection all over me they make me suffocate, I am broken
I don't deserve to be happy, I mean how can i ?? I'm so dented, I'm so flawed I still have a lot to do, I still have to perfect, for I am broken
I don't like the sound of laughter, It scares me, it sends shivers all over my bones it's so strange to me because I'm still a wreckage, I'm still broken
I'm jealous of the smile, it's so warm it's lights you up inside ,it is so happy, it takes a little price yet its impact is so powerfully felt I wish I was like the smile, unfortunately I can't even relate, because I am broken
Look at the candle. It sacrifices itself so that others can see the light. Despite the pain it still burns so bright with zeal, with passion, I am nothing as compared to it, I am broken
Sometimes I admire the butterfly,, it is so beautiful ,even after all the breakage, the mending, it endures in the process it still remains pure. I wish I was like the butterfly, sadly, with it, I can never ever compete because I am broken
So tell me, how am I to survive in this perfect bliss? how am I to cope? when my body,mind and soul are all in distress? I am broken
Teach me ,O wise of the wise, teach me to be me , teach me to be alright, I'm losing it , all this misery and suffering I cannot obliterate, for I am broken
I know it in my skin, I know when I'm six feet under, I'll carry this with me,I know it will be written on my stone but I hope I'll be different then I'm still in an awful state, I'm still broken
So maybe when my body is cold, maybe when I'm lying motionless in my grave, maybe then will I be whole, maybe i'll finally be complete, maybe then I'll stop being broken but for now, I'm still broken