Attic Romance

Red symbolizes love and passion so she was all dressed up in red when she came to meet him. He was in the attic playing piano, she knocked, but what could a silly knock mean to him. He was not civil anymore not even with his own self. She seemed sane from the outside but from the inside she wanted to tear off everything there was: him; his piano; her own heart, instead she stood there like a stranger, then it happened, something ruptured inside her, he heard the sound of it and turned towards her, there was something in his eyes against which the whole red in the world meant nothing.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This is very well written! I was transfixed the whole time & I was admiring the fresh originality of your writing style, the details you think to include. I love this line: "she wanted to tear everything there was: him, his piano, her own heart" -- very intense & raw & compelling. Every single word is well-chosen & the only complaint I have is that this isn't longer. But I would rather see a short piece of well-crafted writing than a longer piece when the writer really isn't ready to develop a longer piece. So continue practicing on these short vivid vignettes, but also try a few more tricks like using dialogue, which can make a story & your characters come alive (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Suhd]

I'll keep your valuable suggestion in mind.

Thanks for this amazing review.

[Coyote Poetry]

You gave the color red, life and meaning. I liked how you set-up the story too. You led the reader to the strong finish. Thank you my friend for sharing the outstanding story.
Coyote

[NotUsinganymore]

Very romantic poem! It was great! i liked it very much and it shows how passionate love is~

[Suhd]

Thanks dude, it's a story though, a vignette.

[Stacy Purvis]

So lovely, tender and moving. I enjoyed the read....much like one enjoys the window seat view on a train traveling through the countryside. Bravo.

[Suhd]

Thanks a lot, Stacy.

[Stacy Purvis]

You're welcome. I'm rarely here now...such a shame. Perhaps, I should be.

[Giulia King]

I'm happy I stumbled into this piece. Something so magical about it left me wanting more.. Well done :)

[Suhd]

Thank you, again, for the kind words :)

[Verse]

This plays in my head like a haunting piece of classical piano under some excellent film. It’s just a vignette, but it has an elegant widescreen film feel to it, not small at all. And what a story... this mating ritual in which she shows up wearing the colourful display, and he is the princess locked in the tower of his living, and the tower of his apathy.

Not sure if you’ve read or studied any French literature, but this does feel like a fresh perspective on l’Etranger by Camus.

Very elegant, and sad in all the right ways.

V

[Suhd]

I've never studied French literature. I am glad you liked this micro-fiction. Thank you so much for your kind compliments.

[Verse]

Ah, well then, l’Etranger is a man who is disembodied, who can’t feel strong emotion about anything or anyone, and who wears it as a badge of honour.

This is wrong, in my view, for two reasons. First, just because it is. And second, because he makes it seem as if feeling an emotion is a choice.

Your beautiful poem vignette feels like a possible scene for the book that shows someone else’s reaction to a man’s choice to be distant.

And you’re most welcome. :):)

[Suhd]

Thanks for introducing this work of Camus, V :)

[.]

An intriguing premise, Suhd!

This reads to me like a man engrossed in his own world, uncaring for the woman who has draped herself in the colours of love just for his attention. He doesnt respond to her knock. He doesnt respond to the way she is dressed. He only responds to the moment when something in her breaks. A clever idea. Perhaps he remains unconcerned or perhaps his ignorance is shattered with her shattering.

A fascinating write. One to muse on. Well conceived.

[Suhd]

Thanks a lot Doodley for reading it and leaving such a nice insight in review.

[Najam Us Saher]

You set the passion and love ablaze with your profound words. Your description was interesting and made me curious to know more. Throughout, the imagery of 'red' colur was very well defined.

[Suhd]

Thank you Saher for your words of encouragement :)

You Rock!

[Najam Us Saher]

Haha. You are welcome :)

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

Quite a unique way for a romance to unfold, Suhd. A rupture does bring pain and perhaps a realization. Perhaps, what she saw in his eyes was catalytic in bringing this affair to an amazing conclusion.

[Suhd]

You are absolutely right on target.

Thanks Dhara, for unfolding it beautifully. You're too kind !

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

Ah! I always delight in your words, Suhd!

[¿]

Something that means so much can be the source of nothing or null sometimes...that's from one of my silly muse...
I thank you for sharing this one...great short read!🍷cheers!! :)

[Suhd]

Your muse is right you know, it does feel so at times.

Gracias Tahsin for your kind words :)

[¿]

Bienvenue!!🙇