My Darker Side

This portrays the other more personal side of me :)

It's getting harder with every breath

Feels like Im being invited to my grave by death

It's getting harder to move, it's getting harder to cry

Maybe it's time for the final goodbye

 

Love does not come my way

And let it not, to God I pray

I'd rather life be left like this

So when Im gone, no one I shall miss

 

An insult there from my kin

A blade here across my skin

This, however, does not seem to suffice

The amount I myself despise

 

Their words have hit me, like a knife

I know it's the truth, it drains out my life

There's nothing I can do since I've lost myself

Im not in darkness, Im part of itself

 

The monsters are inside my head

They seem to have jumped out from under my bed

Words, however, do not seem to emphasize

The amount I myself stigmatize

 

There's color all around me

Except within, it's a black and white sea

Beauty, beauty everywhere

Why is my heart undernourished and bare?

 

Stop pointing out my flaws, Im already aware

Of every single one; trust me, I've been there

This still does not seem to suffice

The amount I myself despise

 

The tunnel seems so gloomy and so dark

There seems to be no light or no spark

Even if there were, it isn't my call

I was born to rot, I was born to fall

 

Alone in a crowded room

Surrounded by my circle of doom

Words still do not seem to emphasize

The amount I myself stigmatize

 

Im ugly, Im fat, Im a liar, Im a witch

Im just another unwanted piece, just another glitch

The world would be happier if I fly away

You would jump for joy, cant you just say?

 

I know you hate me and I dont blame you

How can anyone like someone so blue?

Still, why cant this seem to suffice

The amount I myself despise?

 

One look at the mirror, that's all it takes

To break me down into a million flakes

All this lack of love, all this self hate

There seems no end, let's blame it on fate

 

Words are my only friends, my only cries for help

Cuz my tears I cant let out, I can only gulp

Still, why cant these words seem to emphasize

The amount I myself stigmatize?

 

The world's on fire, there's a lot of flame

Why do I think Im the one to blame?

Cuz I set everything wrong, I am the flaw

And if I am gone, the world would glow

 

Take me into eternal dormancy

Atleast it's something that I would fancy

Because all this is unable to suffice

The amount I myself despise

 

You say you know me, honey, not too fast

If I opened up, things just wouldnt last

Im too horrible, you just dont realize

Dont believe the good stuff, they're all just lies

 

This disorder flays the life out of me

It lives in my head so I cannot flee

Because all these words are unable to emphasize

The amount I myself stigmatize

 

I keep reminding myself, I cant do this alone

But my long lost friends have already gone

I am helpless with nothing to look forward to

Do take the life out of me, please do

 

Starved myself for 30 days

The bottom of the closet, now I face

I think all this might finally suffice

The amount I myself despise

 

The silver paintbrush gently over my wrist

Paints bloody red, that's the twist

I wish I can see him, in his dazzling orange attire

He'll have me done with cuz he's the fire

 

I guess it's time to wind up now

With a little curtsy and a little bow

I think all my words might finally emphasize

The amount I myself stigmatize