A Knife In The Dark - Chapter One

*Shrug* I dont know what to say here, except to ask that you read the first chapter...

The dagger gave the faintest whisper as it cleared it’s sheathe, and in one swift action, had sliced cleanly through the victim’s throat. Aeran hurriedly knelt and wiped the blade clean on the shirt of the man now lying prostrate at his feet, knowing the figure to have been dead before he even hit the ground. At least the viscous liquid that had been on the blade had worked as he was assured it would, even if the flask he had been given it in had shattered on him earlier this evening. He knew not the mans name, nor his importance or his position in life, only that he had been pointed out and marked clearly for death. Aeran knew he was being paid handsomely to ensure the poor fellow ended up in his current state at the end of this night.
After cutting open the fellow’s purse and retrieving its contents, Aeran hastened to the edge of the shadow shrouding both his nefarious deed and the alley in which he had committed it. He checked that no-one would see him leaving, and slinked off into the night. By mid-morning the man would be found, and should he be looked over by all but the very best of healers, it would seem that he had been nothing more than a very unfortunate victim of a particularly brazen footpad. The truth was obviously much more complex, beyond that even of a simple assassin; however he took some comfort in knowing that this victim, as with any others if given the option, died a very quick and painless death. Much of that was due to the poison that he had procured earlier that week.
While Aeran greatly regretted the necessity of wiping off any trace of the toxin from his knife, as opposed to scraping it into a sturdier flask, it was strongly ‘suggested’ in the contract that he remain entirely unknown and un-noticed, and he wished to leave no trace. He certainly was not pleased at the need to slay the old woman from whom he had obtained the powerful poison. It was both expensive, and notoriously difficult to find, but again, he would carry out the job he was given and adhere strictly to the guidelines set. Besides, he valued his own neck far too much to care too strongly about that of anyone else.
His padded boots silently moved across the cobblestones, Aeran keeping to the shadows and slinking along unseen. It was either a very lucky or blessed assassin that managed to remain living without any talent for noiseless movement, and he considered himself neither. At the last turn in the street before reaching the inn in which he resided for the moment, Aeran stopped and stripped off his black outer layer. The bac’lan’e, his cowled assassin’s mask, was unwound to reveal raven black hair, deep brown eyes, a slightly hooked nose, and a jaw that was uncharacteristically strong for one of his profession. As the mask was shoved into a small bag, and the cloth covering his chest and legs was just as speedily removed, he kicked off the padded boots and replaced them with polished black leather ones. Tying the mouth of the bag tight, he stuffed it into a lidless barrel just down the alley and strode out across the street. Should anyone come across the sack and think to look inside, they would see nought but a bundle of black rags, easily replaced in any city.
His knives were still scattered across his body, snugly in their sheathes and ready to be drawn at a moments notice, and Aeran thought he would die rather than willingly hand them over to anyone.
 

Author's Note

I would welcome any ideas or suggestions. This began merely as a means to satiate a curiosity and i would like to know whether or not others' believe it worth me continuing it...

Reviews

[Lorelee Tate]

This has a lot of potential. However, I think there are a few changes that could be made in order to strengthen the writing.

You have a lot of very long, complex sentences all bunched together. Having a large group of sentences that are all the same length like this can get kind of dull to read after a little while. Consider re-wording some of these or breaking them up into two smaller sentences to add a bit of variety. Others are worded in such a way that could potentially be confusing, such as "At least the viscous liquid that had been on the blade had worked as he was assured it would, even if the flask he had been given it in had shattered on him earlier this evening." With this particular sentence, you have a lot of unnecessary words and two semi-unrelated ideas addressed. You could either re-word it or just get rid of it, since it's not absolutely essential for the main idea of the paragraph.

Also, I think you might need a different title. Google "A Knife in the Dark" and see what comes up. ;)

Again, this has a lot of potential. I'm curious to see where this story goes, so keep posting!