hardwired.

i had a dream about you last night
you watching me watching you
from the dark place in the bushes
hidden and sneaking, watching
peering, panting, pushing ...stalking
here we are again, in the darkness
you think you remember me
    you think you know me
but you know nothing of who i am
of what i am, it's all a mystery
even to myself. no one will ever know.
the truth in my bones, aching to be released
burning to be screamed from the highest mountains
you think you know me, but you have no idea
i'm there
    in your dreams
        learning your secrets
your wants    and desires
learning         what it is
    that makes you tick
learning
    more and         more
and    more    and     more
until there's nothing         left
to know in the darkness    you know
touching this    and touching that
can you burn like this    in the darkness
    can you feel like this
in the darkness
can you touch the sky while i'm touching you
and you don't even know me
you think you might        have an idea
but the idea    is nothing but a mystery
hidden in the shadows    without answers
to the clue, you wonder and ponder hoping for more
    but there is nothing           but  a lie
stretching up and through the shadows
past the moon and burning    through the sun
to the son     you thought i never knew
here is what you think you know
    (absolutely nothing at all)
you think you know my machinations
hell    o    my    god
something         here    isn't    right
what    has    happened         to    me
something short circuited in my hardwiring
and i don't know what the problem is
where things went wrong
were they with  you or with her or a hundred years ago
sucking back nicotine and caffeine cocktails
going    to    hell    on     a
one    way    ticket    and    i don't know
where to go    how to get there
    or what to do    here anymore
teach this lesson    and i'll be your example
a martyr for the cause    and i don't know what that means
anymore        there's nothing left for me here
    can i help this contradiction
watching you watching me    watching the end of the world
fixating in the shadows on the shadows of your face
in your eyes looming like a ghost    i just... i can't tell
            anymore
there used to be a real me, hidden in my own iniquity
darkness shading darkness burning without a sun
i     want    to    know     you
to    touch     you     in    those little places
in    those    special     places
i just wish i could feel again to weep again to bleed again
to taste and love and be human and whole and divine again
i wish i could be pure again    i wish i could be in your arms again
something loose in the wiring
        something short circuited
in the shadows    in the darkness
i
    am
        watching
            you
        be
    human
for
me.