Anne Rice Is Back!

A Poem by Studio Dongo

And this time, it's NOT personal. It's presidential!

So you thought Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
was fun?

Think again.

What if the president in question wasn't Lincoln,
but George Washington,
the mack-daddy of them all?

And what if he wasn't a vampire hunter--
but a vampire?

Anne Rice raises these startling questions
in her captivating new opus:

George Washington: The Vampire with Wooden Teeth

[Scene:]
Martha Washington, wearing one of those white frilly caps,
you know,
the kind that make 18th-century women look
like they were wearing doilies on their heads.

She squirms and gasps
in George's arms.

"Let me go. You suck at giving hickeys!" she screams.

The ominous music comes to an abrupt stop as the camera zooms in on George
trying
and failing
but still trying, because that is part of our can-do American spirit,
to break the skin of her neck
with his wooden, fangless teeth.

But mainly he is just chafing her, and the sound of all that feckless gnawing
in a growing pool of saliva
is kinda gross and sad.

But then his demon eyes
open wide
and he snarls into the camera,

"Oh I suck all right. I will suck the life right out of you!"

Fade to black.

Graphics appear--
little victory wreaths around announcements

such as

"Winner: Cannes Film Festival"

and

"Sundance Special Category: Out-of-Nowhere Award for Best Screenplay"

which confuses readers,
who thought they were reading a book by Anne Rice,
not watching a movie preview.

But confused is just how George Washington likes them
as he sneaks up behind,
and spreads his wooden dentures wide,
and . . .

Fade to black.

Anne Rice has done it again!