Hospital For The Insane.

I walk the halls like I don't exist and the words that coexist with the sentences forming in my mouth are just lines of bullshit. Trying to leave a shitwhole. Trying to leave; restraint. Trying to cut; restraint. You ask me why? Why do you do this to yourself everyone asks me. I think to myself.. You told me to be happy.. And still; They think if they take my phone away it will solve all the problems that exist in my head. I can't even hear my own voice they say. That may be true because nothing is as black as the blue that lies beneath your lying pair of hypnotizing eyes. Have you ever taken a blade to your wrist? Have you been skipping meals? How does that make you feel? Therapist after therapist. Still everything still remains the same. The brokenness is still broken, the lies are still running through my head, the hopeless are still begging for a chance to exist. I am two steps ahead but 15 steps behind. I fall every single time I stand; it never fails to amaze me how badly my heart is. No one understands how much pain I go through...... and the saddest thing about this is.... I can't even tell if I am getting any better or if I am just slowly getting used to the antagonizing pain. I don't cope very well, I cut very well though. I cut not deep but just enough to make myself feel alive again. Feel like I am not numb because to feel is what I have been dreaming for, for what seems like forever. Forever is a long time. This pain will last forever it feels like. I can't help wonder if any one would care or come after me when I leave. The pain grows inside and a fear comes alive... the truth comes out. I will never be free again. I am trapped in this world without a reason to survive but every reason to die.

I walk the halls empty corridors, when will I leave I question myself? I hope never because I can't deal with my grandfather. When will I become.. better.. okay.. loved... WHEN..

I am nothing but a patient in and out of the Hospital For The Insane.