Theme tune of dead dalliance

He's background music
I'm not really listening
But I live
To his beat
To the rhythm of my loss

Reviews

[Shae]

This speaks volumes. We never really know how important people are. Lovely poem :-)

[MinorArt]

Apologies for how long it's taken me to respond to this but thank you, really

[Relic]

Wow, this hits hard. Life continues with him in the background even though he's gone. It takes years to learn a new rhythm. Some can't accept it and don't want to.

Nicely done.

[MinorArt]

This is 4 months too late but thank you, really, there's comfort in knowing I could make myself understood in so few words.

[fattycbreezy52]

Omg! it's like i am detached but not fully detached from him.Good use of words and good articulation.A great short writeup!

[MinorArt]

Exactly that... Thank you, I'm happy it spoke to you x

[Kelly Scheppers]

While reading this, I really liked the thought of you "not really listening to the background music of him". If I may suggest a change, it would be the two words in the last line... "my loss" to "his heart". I think it would best express how the heart can't easily let go of someone who once filled the void, now there.

...you still live to his beat, wouldn't it be natural to still live by the rhythm of his heart as well? Just a thought, darlin!

You are magic, you know!

[MinorArt]

Ack, I was really struggling with this choice as well! It would've definitely sounded better, especially as a play on words. But when I hear 'living my life to the beat of his heart' I imagine excessive, obsessive thoughts of the individual, a crippling feeling of missing them and being incapable of letting go of their memory. When I say 'to the beat of this loss' I imagine a state of mournful acceptance; one where you aren't particularly plagued by thoughts of him because your fixation has departed from the individual. Instead, your everyday life and mood are now somehow shaped by this quiet air of sadness and a profound feeling of loss that remain for long after. I guess I was trying to work on that distinction and paint a picture of a woman who - while largely unaware of it - just hasn't quite bounced back from a heartbreak... A woman whose life runs against the background of residual yet pervasive loneliness. Or maybe I need an entirely different word? Ah, I'm not sure. But I'll save another version of this with 'heart' instead of 'loss'. I'm quite drawn to the subtle hint of desperation that 'heart' carries with it. I know it's a difference of one word but it changes the undertones quite dramatically for me.

I really hope I'm making some sense here, I'm being unusually rambley and overal-analytical! Thank you so much for your comment though, it really means a lot coming from you, and it definitely made me think hard about what I write and why X

[Kelly Scheppers]

Sweet girl, that was just my opinion. Look, you're the writer of this piece, YOU are the one that has to be satisfied with the end result! You know what I do whenever I can't decide? I leave it alone for a while, then go back to it and see what happens. Sometimes all you need is a different perspective. Take heart, and don't be so hard on yourself. It will come to you! ; )