Depression

Sorry for the grammatical errors... this one made me cry.

         So that's it.....It is officially over...You've moved on.....you're completely gone...and out of my grasp..

Why did it have to happen this way?

Welcome to my life.....Take a bite.

Chapter 4....Depression

You seem so happy, with out me. I bet you have already found a new lover, a new want a new desire. Watching you from the shadows hurts, do you know that? God I can't even begin. I quit because I couldn't bare reading your name, hearing your voice. Selfish of me I know. You moved on, and yet I am being a little b***h about it and staying away 

Forgive me yet? Want me yet? Kiss me?...Love me? 

Dear diary, 

   All I ever ask for is love. Grace gives me love, more than anyone else. Why can't the others? I am so nice to them. I try so hard...and especially him...why can't he give me love? Should I just give up trying and move on to? All of this thinking is giving me a major headache. I still have to wonder, if I wait, will he ever want to be more than friends? hey you....take your hands off of him..Cause he's the only one I've ever loved. 

I was wrong, It is selfish of me to ask her to leave him alone, but I don't want to imagine, what you say to her, what she says to you, how you talk with each other. If I run cuts down my arm, down my legs, down my wrists, will that make you notice me more? Maybe If I died? Will you notice me then?  Do you enjoy this god forbidden pain you put me through? I have tried so many ways to get out of this hell hole. I've screamed so hard at the clouds. Why do you put me through this?

Dear diary, 

  Just blow out the candles. Leave me alone in the darkness, to fend for myself. You've hurt me enough to begin with. I lied...Please stay. Just understand its hard having you so close yet so far, and I can't manage to erase you from my mind, all I can do is think of those words you said all of the time "Lets just stay friends". I don't want to imagine. I wish I was dumber, so I wouldn't have to think so much. I wish I didn't have to know. I wish I could run away. Run right into that freezing cold water, and shiver until every last limb every last fiber in my body froze.

To Freeze in time. Right before you left me, would be perfect. I wish I could go back and reword everything I said. I wish I did know what I had before it was to late and I lost it. I can't forget it...though I've tried. So if I tried to move on, would it hurt you? Please, answer me. Please tell me. It would hurt me to see you move on...but maybe you already have. My eyes are so swollen I can't even open them properly from how much I've cried. Gracy was right....I just pick all the wrong people. I can't erase the cuts and the wounds on my body. Just leave me to die in my depression...I don't mind running, I don't mind hiding, I don't mind leaving. If it makes you happy....I wish I could have another chance...I wish I could be yours....I wish you could kiss me and tell me everything will be okay. Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Watch me scream at the clouds. Burst into dust, flying away with the pollen in the air. Burst into nothingness. All because...even though I've tried to forget it...I can't. I know you don't regret leaving me.....my mind's told me so many times....Suki....I still wonder.....all the time. You're the only one that I've ever loved...you can't understand that though..can you? I can't erase this..

                                                     

Depression 

                                                    4/5 stages of grief

Reviews

[JordanIsaacSmith]

Depression is horrific, and you really do begin to feel absolutely awful about yourself. You blame yourself for things that weren't your fault. Once again, a fantastic chapter. Though ellipsis are usually only made up of three dots...

Great work, I'll read the final part now!

[Ivana~]

I know its only 3, I was actually REALLY depressed when I wrote this and decided to be like...To bad, I'm using 70 dots. Thank you again:)