Denial

welcome inside my thoughts.

No no...how could this have happened?...Just a few days ago we were perfectly fine and now...now he's gone. 

Maybe not forever, but he's gone. This is lie, just some sick joke right? Right? I cried and cried when I realized, no in fact this is not a joke. The one person who made me really happy, left. What made it worse...it was because of me. SIMPLY I could have prevented it by talking to him more. Just a tiny bit more. 

                       Welcome to My life. Take a bite. 

Chapter One...Denial. 

                  My name's Star. I'm not going to go to much into detail about my little "episode" actually I am. That's sorta why I decided to write in this thing anyway. Where to start though? That is the question. How about we start exactly where we think we are going to. Right where the problem all began. 

July 1st 2013, 

    

    Dear Diary, 

          I'm crying once again. All because of stupid Gabriela and how she treats me. Why do I allow her to push me around the way she does? Why am I stuck living this life I live. We are all told, we must respect our parents, we must go to school and face those two timing backstabber b*****s. We are all told and we are all born to fight, and survive. We don't really care about the weaker ones, as long as we can survive one more day for our selves. So what happens when it's taken online? Of course teenagers like myself, don't want to tell anyone that they are being bullied. We try the best we can in our own ways to survive. For me, once it seems to get happy, its quickly shut down. I can't seem to ever be happy. My sister's always to sick to be around. My parents are never home. I am all alone. To make it worse, I can't leave the house with out telling someone, and I'm not allowed to call my parents at work, so I'm pretty much stuck here. 

         I don't want to cloud your minds with false information as to why I am currently depressed, and as to why this is about denial. So with that being said, I am going to jump right to the juicy part. What made me crack, What made me tick, what made me want to blow up, what made me want to kill anything that looked at me. When I decided to leave Gabriela and the others, I had found a whole new set of friends. They were a smaller bunch that my last group, and there wasn't much drama. Everyone liked everyone. Then I met him. Yes, Him. At first I pretended to hate him, played hard to get, but with in that first day, we jumped right into it, and started dating. His name was Suki. 

July 28, 2013,

    I got fired today. 

Honestly, I never thought someone could be so sad over losing a job. I was happy to go home and talk to Suki. But for some reason, some how. Gabriela managed to find this new account of mine.  She posted this meanest message to me I was already pissed off by my boss, now this. Damn it all. 

          Stupidly after being so upset, I went right to Suki. Like the idiot I am, and saying how he doesn't give me enough attention. What the hell was I talking about? He's the one that gave me the most attention ever. Why was I pushing him away, Why was I causing him pain and confusion. Why did I do this. Just like that......pop. The relationship ended. 

No no....It couldn't have ended. We were perfect...I was happy with you, and you were happy with me ...weren't you?...Weren't you happy? Or was I to blind by my on selfish wants that I couldn't see he was unhappy...I broke down. I cried, and smashed my favorite snow globe into the wall. Which was the cause of broken glass in my legs, and my body. I wish it could have smashed though my brain. I need death right now. I need to die. Pathetic you say? Do you think I am pathetic? How about this, Go get fired from your job, Get hated on, and take it out on someone you love the most. Then once you've calmed down, he'll already have been gone, and you just lost the person you love. So yea. Call me pathetic one more time. Do you know how it will feel if your mother really loved your father, and had to watch him just leave. Simply saying nothing, except he needs time. Do you know how heart breaking that is to go though? Well I do. He'll be back though. I know he will. He just needs to think....Then he will come back...and we will be happy again. I know it..

                                                               Denial. 

                                                      1/5 stages of grief. 

Reviews

[Ankur Sharma]

so much to said but not enough. the character thought and emotions feeling were really shown perfectly.

[Ivana~]

Thank you very much, but I had made each chapter short on purpose. They were meant to be short but packed with a lot of meaning.

[JordanIsaacSmith]

A fantastic short story. A can sympatize with the character as I've felt many of the feelings described in the story, and have been in the situations stated in the story. You've written about it exceptionally well. Will there be following chapters, continuing the five stages of grief?

[Ivana~]

Thank you very much, and yes this story is completely true. None of the details are fake, all a completely true story based on me. I plan on writing about all the stages of grief. I hope you will read them, Even though they may not be as well as your stories and screenplays, I hope that you enjoy them all the same . :)