A cantankerous writer

Sometimes you are not a writer but just trying to be one

Writing a book is not that simple, it takes courage to write a book. Writing a book means you yourself become void and hollow. You put every thought, emotion, feeling, instinct, experience on  a few lines of paper. To me it is an act of suffering. Sometimes your pen follows you and sometimes it ceases to reveal your undetermined emotions. Writing means becoming a criminal in your mind where your thoughts haunt you, where fear gets you every time, where your imagination falls into an endless limbo without aiming to touch the ground.

  My question which I ask myself many times is why do I write? When writing something haunts me so badly. Why do I feel voidness in my soul? When I can't feed lines with proper words. Why do I cry? When I feel I can't write anything anymore. When they(critics) say writing is an art which only few possess, I ask them how? I want to tell them it is neither an art nor it is some talent, it is just a simple way to express your regret which has haunted you throughout your life. Regret is that compelling instinct which fills soul in the writing. To me writer is one who is unsuccessful in his life. When a writer can't achieve anything in his life he writes inspirational books. When he can't settle his life affairs, he writes fiction so that he can reason himself. When he wishes to master the nature and fails, he writes poetry. Hence writer lives in a universe where everything is followed by failures.

  Despite all this, sometimes when I am alone I think of becoming a great writer who is respected everywhere he goes, and for achieving it I had to be good at failures because failure represent how good I am at writing and how far can I go in this small universe of writers. I want to feel that pain which will help me to stray away from the norms of so called "modern society" so that I an always look at them with hate and hostility. So that I can deliver them the same pain with my feelings such that they will respect me just to keep themselves away from me. Only then I will be able to write what they call

"Writing".

Author's Note

Important note : This story is about a writer who is upset with the world not about me. And just because this writer is upset he sees things with hatred because he thinks these people are responsible for his failures and tries to write against them which make him a great write because now he is not writing he is expressing his feelings which are much more power than mere words.
Please don't forget to write reviews...its important to me

Reviews

[Kathy Van Kurin]

I for one am glad you decided to be vulnerable and put your true thoughts on paper. The human condition is messy at times; chaotic, difficult- etc, etc,. I needed the inspiration that I am not the only one who ever had doubts about my motivation, goals or dreams. Keep up the good work; your on the right track. I am a very newbie writer with just three poems so you are to me a great success.

[hania azhar]

This is so good. I love coming across something that i can totally understand or relate to. Expressing your feelings either happy or sad, through writing is the best way to express them.I really admire your work.

[Usman Muhammad]

Thanks Hania Azhar, glad you liked it.

[hania azhar]

welcome :)

[Abby C]

Very good. I loved it very much

[Usman Muhammad]

Thanks Abby for your kind review.

[Abby C]

You are very welcome :D

[Flower]

I personally love stories that feature the inner struggles of less than perfect individuals so I found this piece quite appealing (what does that say about me, honestly). Polish up the grammar, and I say you have a nice little excerpt featuring a frustrated writer and his tumultuous emotions. :)

[Peter Rogerson]

I enjoy telling stories, especially to myself, and when I write I do just that. I have self-published quite a few novels and I think I can honestly say that I never knew how any of them were going to end when I started. I find the whole idea of knowing the long road ahead quite boring and much prefer to entertain myself with little adventures on the way. But I am impressed with the way you have given thought to your own journey into the world of words and I wish you luck in the future.

[Anindita Janhabee]

Once my teacher asked me to list some qualities important for 'success'. I went to the board and wrote 30 qualities for success. Finally, not a single was correct as per my teacher. He told that the only quality was 'failure'. So your story reminds me this situation...
And you have got a nice topic - about a writer... Most probably this is more powerful and worthy to a writer himself... It will take a long time if I go on appreciating...
Very well thought and penned. I loved the flow of your pen, also got so many new things, perhaps was inspired... (standing on reality) 'what a writer can do is only to amaze others through the magic of his pen by having a shine in his writing...'
Very good friend, keep writing, you have got lots of talent...
Anindita

[Captain Rilen]

I really enjoyed the piece and found the sentiment to be quite interesting. There are a few grammatical errors I came across but I think they're pretty easy to fix and they don't detract significantly from your piece. People seem to be posting their opinions a lot in the reviews for your piece. Hmm, I think some are missing the point. A writer is a writer and that's that. Saying that someone's writing is shallow because they aren't fulfilled seems a little ludicrous to me, for the simple fact that they are probably writing what is on their mind, just as you would be (and who is to judge fulfillment? It's not exactly quantifiable). Writing is what it is, it doesn't have to be fulfilling or nice, it is simply what we make it. For people to be angry that this would be someone's opinion seems a little strange to me too. It's incredibly fascinating to see the reaction it provoked in many of the people who read it. It definitely sparked a debate in my mind. Great work Usman, very thought provoking and interesting to read!

[Woody]

interesting thoughts Usman. I can see it from the point of view of a bitter writer who can't achieve his goal and blames it on others. really good. however, I had a look at barleygirl's review and I must say I agree to most of what she said.
keep writing and improving, mate.

[Usman Muhammad]

I agree with you totally...and will try my best to improve myself with time. Glad you read my story. Thanks

[Zee Langa]

Nice one man. Good story there. I feel for the writer.

[Usman Muhammad]

Thanks for review, glad to know you liked it.

[R Smith]

I have long desired to write a story but find the necessary discipline of holding to that work day in and day out until its in its most beautiful and complete stage is a mile too far for my mind, I enjoy the speed of a poem because it seems I can write it complete in less than a day, for a story or novel it is the work of months of hard slog and although this remains my hearts desire it is a million miles away from me, so I think if there is an obstacle to being a writer then for me its 'Discipline' I don't know Usman how this fits in with your story, I hope I have not veered too far but I just wanted to give you my obstacle to writing, its the thing that causes my upset but I am saved from despair by the knowledge that I can write poetry whenever I desire to, it may be complete rubbish but its my rubbish and I love it just the same. Thank you my friend for making me explore this avenue of myself, your story had a profound effect :)

[Usman Muhammad]

Thanks sir for your kind review. Your review is true in its every meaning particularly when you say
[it may be complete rubbish but its my rubbish and I love it just the same.]
We all write for ourselves, to satisfy ourselves, to cry out aloud our regrets, everything we write is for ourselves and after sometime we all will come to this mutual understanding that whatever we wrote in the past was beautiful. So according to me our stories are such assets which will help us to spend our time time when we will get old, when there will be nothing besides these writings in our hands. Thanks for reviewing.

[Danai]

Sometimes I feel like this writer...

[Usman Muhammad]

you mean this "Resentful" writer ;-)