A cantankerous writer

Sometimes you are not a writer but just trying to be one

Writing a book is not that simple, it takes courage to write a book. Writing a book means you yourself become void and hollow. You put every thought, emotion, feeling, instinct, experience on  a few lines of paper. To me it is an act of suffering. Sometimes your pen follows you and sometimes it ceases to reveal your undetermined emotions. Writing means becoming a criminal in your mind where your thoughts haunt you, where fear gets you every time, where your imagination falls into an endless limbo without aiming to touch the ground.

  My question which I ask myself many times is why do I write? When writing something haunts me so badly. Why do I feel voidness in my soul? When I can't feed lines with proper words. Why do I cry? When I feel I can't write anything anymore. When they(critics) say writing is an art which only few possess, I ask them how? I want to tell them it is neither an art nor it is some talent, it is just a simple way to express your regret which has haunted you throughout your life. Regret is that compelling instinct which fills soul in the writing. To me writer is one who is unsuccessful in his life. When a writer can't achieve anything in his life he writes inspirational books. When he can't settle his life affairs, he writes fiction so that he can reason himself. When he wishes to master the nature and fails, he writes poetry. Hence writer lives in a universe where everything is followed by failures.

  Despite all this, sometimes when I am alone I think of becoming a great writer who is respected everywhere he goes, and for achieving it I had to be good at failures because failure represent how good I am at writing and how far can I go in this small universe of writers. I want to feel that pain which will help me to stray away from the norms of so called "modern society" so that I an always look at them with hate and hostility. So that I can deliver them the same pain with my feelings such that they will respect me just to keep themselves away from me. Only then I will be able to write what they call

"Writing".

Author's Note

Important note : This story is about a writer who is upset with the world not about me. And just because this writer is upset he sees things with hatred because he thinks these people are responsible for his failures and tries to write against them which make him a great write because now he is not writing he is expressing his feelings which are much more power than mere words.
Please don't forget to write reviews...its important to me

Reviews

[Kathy Van Kurin]

I for one am glad you decided to be vulnerable and put your true thoughts on paper. The human condition is messy at times; chaotic, difficult- etc, etc,. I needed the inspiration that I am not the only one who ever had doubts about my motivation, goals or dreams. Keep up the good work; your on the right track. I am a very newbie writer with just three poems so you are to me a great success.

[Pushkar Prabhat]

even if this isn't you.........you aren't wrong.........
failure makes for great stories.......
i will suggest you to at least build this up into an essay.......
writing hurts you.........
pain makes you want to write.....
its inescapable paradox.........
and that is the fun of it......i guess.

well written Usman.....
i loved this.....
:)

[θεά]

This has been a very interesting read Usman. I found some sentences and thoughts delectably enticing, and I could find Nihilism bearing some resonance in the narrator/writer's bewailing of the writer's affliction. To recall a very moving quotation I had read on a social forum, "It is both a blessing and a curse, to feel everything so very deeply". Your views in this espouse the pathology and the pedagogy a writer both suffers from, and wishes to ensconce, respectively.

This is rather remarkable. Conscious piece of writing, keep it up.
Best,
M.

[Usman Muhammad]

Thank you for your encouragement. I am glad you liked it.

[Alice Poésy]

You. You put it to words. I could never wrap my mind around it at first, but every time I wrote, I ended up feeling so empty afterwards as if I had poured myself all out on paper. And I just sat there, thinking: What if I could never write again? What if I could never feel again?

Which sounds stupid now, but was such a worry years ago. It still happens, but I'm also more used to myself now and know it's part of the process. It is a suffering, that if one has the need to write, he has to grow accustomed to.

You wrote extremely well from this writer's perspective. Felt extremely real and raw - and I found myself nodding along various times. Well done!

[Usman Muhammad]

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I am glad you liked it.
I agree with you that one has to get accustomed to this feeling of emptiness.
Thanks once again....

[Alice Poésy]

It was a pleasure to read!

[D]

A great writer you say? Heh... I think it's only a matter of perspective. To some I'm a great writer (never asked why tho. lol) while others just don't understand a damn word I write. Lol.
Some think it's because I'm "talented " others say it's because I'm not..
Anyway, yes, the more you've experienced, the more spice you can throw into your stories, and the more believable you can make it. As for fulfillment? . .I find it in just letting it all go out on paper. (Even if it's only virtual.) though when it gets to stories... Even when it's "finished " I don't think it's finished, and keep editing, rewriting, starting over, and criticizing myself for being so talentless, even after all the positive feedback. and *gasps for air * and that's all...
Well penned.

[Sami Khalil]

Wow. All true and well articulated. You have a sharp mind and wisdom. Enjoyed every bit of this...:)......................

[hi]

no, this poem almost made me shout for joy and cry,this poem hit me hard man,

lots of questions in this, i love how you think and how you can express yourself like
how you said only a few can writers can write.

and how talent is for few,

but i got to ask one thing,you said writers write because they fail at life, (you never said the words like that but you know what iam trying to say


anyway
so is a writer becomes a success and everyone loves him then would't that mean he failed
because to be a writer then you must be a failure, so if a writer is a success then would't that make him a failure at being a writer

[Sebastian Romero]

Really good piece. Really good ending, and I really enjoyed your pathos. For me personally, this may fall more in a sort of prose-poem, or a journal or something like that, than a story, but that's just what I think. Other than that, this is really really good! Loved the last paragraph, and specially that last sentence :)

[An owl on the moon]

So profoundly moving. Your words feel so personal, yet it speaks into every reader about our motivations, our inspirations. Why do we write? In pain or pleasure the words rise in us, and they need release. So powerful, my friend.

[Shabeeh Haider]

I like your take on this. Agreed that failure and pain in life are the ingredients that give more flavour to what a person has written but I feel that an inborn talent is just as important.
We have all played sports but not every one becomes a world renowned player. Only those who have the talent are the ones who will shine in the end.
Very well expressed

[Usman Muhammad]

Thanks Sir for reading my story. I agree with you that talent is required and your example is perfect for the situation. I tried here to show thoughts of a writer who has been neglected by the society. So my main aim was to show his emotions.
Thanks for the read once again.