Chapter 1

A Chapter by Silent Storm

More edited version on Chapter 1 for the book Untamed.

Chapter 1.

It’s Monday, 5 am. Sarah groans as she rolls out of bed. As she walks towards the washroom, a smile forms on her face. Today is my one-year anniversary working at Hoyt and Associates law firm. Sometimes I think I’m dreaming, although I know I worked damn hard to get here. As I get out the shower, I hear my cell start to ring playing “Mona Lisa” by Lil Wayne telling me it’s my brother Dominic calling. I’m so excited! He’s coming to visit for a couple of days and celebrate with his little sister. I rush to grab my towel trying not to slip so I can get to my cell in my bedroom. “Hey big bro, how are you doing?” Dominic chuckles. “Hello little sister, how are you?” I’m good. I can’t wait to see you. Are you still able to come visit for a few days? “Oh yeah no doubt. I’m at the airport right now going through security, so I will call you when I land ok?” Alright bro be safe. After hanging up with Dominic I finish getting ready. I decide on my new charcoal grey pencil skirt, ivory silk blouse with a black blazer and my black suede nine-inch pumps. Today is a special day so you know you girl has to look extra good, since Dominic and I are going out for dinner tonight. I figured we could go to my favorite restaurant the Pickle Barrel. A co-worker told me about it on my first day, since then I’ve been in love it. Gathering my purse and case files, I think back to the day I found out I’d gotten the job. I frown momentarily as I lock my door. Being so happy yet so sad because I was leaving my brother behind. Dominic means everything to me, my whole world. I know he would never tell me to turn down my dream job just because I didn’t want to leave him. He hugged me ever so tightly screaming “you did it, you did it!” All I could do was cry and smile. Dominic told me to go, and not worry about him. That’s just like him, always looking out for everybody. Coming back to the present, only god knows how grateful I am for my brother. Without his love and guidance, I wouldn’t have made it to where I am. As I look at my watch I realized if I don’t get moving I’m going to be late for work. I feel like it’s going to be a really long day. If it wasn’t so chilly outside I would have take the subway, but I wasn’t in for all that today. Traffic in downtown Toronto can be a b***h, but hey it’s a small sacrifice for working at one of the best law firms located in the heart of the city. I have no regrets moving here.

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© 2018 Silent Storm

Author's Note

ignore grammer problems

My Review

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JayG

1. Grammar matters because it's the thing that tells the reader HOW to read the words. They can't see your performance, or hear your voice, so it's the only way t get a hint of how you intended it to be read. If you are not willing to learn and edit for grammar as well as writing skills, you're lost before you begin. Take the time to learn it, you need it on the job as well as for writing fiction.

2. Without paragraphing it's an unreadable monolithic block of text. Paragraphing tells the reader when a new character speaks. It tells them when the subject changes. And, it helps track of which line you're on. It's easy to find your place in a paragraph, but not in a 26 line block of text.

3. A story is not a listing of events. We all get up and get dressed in the morning, so the reader is bored to have to read the details of the protagonist waking up and walking into the bathroom. The phone rang, and she answered it. That matters What her ringtone is, and who sang does nothing but slow the action, as does the explanation of what he plans to do. Story happens. It lives in the protagonist's hopes and dreams, and in their struggle, not "this happened...then that happened...and after that..." As the great Alfred Hitchcock observed, Drama is life without the dull bits." So gve the reader what matters, as it happens.

Here's a secret they'll tell you in school: We're not the first thing about writing fiction. We're given only the writing skills we'll need as a productive, and employed, adult. Professions, like medicine, accounting, and fiction-writing are learned after our public education years because there are tricks of the trade, specialized knowledge, and more, unique to EVERY profession, even fiction.

So keep writing, of course. But at the same time, make the effort pay by picking up a few tricks to make th job easier, more fun, and more successful. Hit the local library's fiction-writing section. You'll find the views os successful writers, publishing pros, and noteworthy teachers. Why reinvent the wheel when it's all there waiting for you?

Suggestions:

For help:
Pick up your personal copy of Strunk and White's Elements of Style. It explains grammar well. And don't just read it. Practice what you're given till it becomes automatic.

Read, Debra Dixon's, GMC: Goal Motivation & Conflict. Read it slowly. Stop to thik of each point as it's raised, and practice it till you can use it automatically. Fail to do that and you'll read it, nod, and a week later forget it exists.

It this what you were hoping to hear? Of course not. You were hoping that people would like the STORY idea. But plot is easy. And plot can only be appreciated after the story is easy. What's hard is writing well enough that the reader will WANT to turn to page two. Better yet, need to. But think about your school years. Did your teachers mention the difference between a scene on TV and one on the page? It's significant. And if you don't know what a scene on the page is, how can you write one.

Did they mention the purpose of the short-term scene-goal, and how to introduce it? If you don't know what it is, will you include one?

How about how to provide the protagonist's viewpoint, and place the reader into that character's moment of "now?" Without that, it will read like a report, and who reads reports for entertainment?

The good news? Nothing I mentioned has to do with your talent or the story. It's about the learned part of writing fiction.

So...you have the desire to write stories. You have a story. But your reader will have been reading professionally written and edited fiction since first grade. And they expect the same quality from you. So doesn't it make sense that to be a pro you need to know what the pro knows?

For a clarification of what I mean, and a look at the things you need to know more about, poke around in my writing blog.The articles won't make a fiction-writer of you, and they're not intended to teach you the necessary skills, only give you an idea of how much there is to learn, and why, so you can plan your course with accuracy and assurance.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/

Posted 6 Years Ago

2. Without paragraphing it's an unreadable monolithic block of text. Paragraphing tells the reader when a new character speaks. It tells them when the subject changes. And, it helps track of which line you're on. It's easy to find your place in a paragraph, but not in a 26 line block of text.

3. A story is not a listing of events. We all get up and get dressed in the morning, so the reader is bored to have to read the details of the protagonist waking up and walking into the bathroom. The phone rang, and she answered it. That matters What her ringtone is, and who sang does nothing but slow the action, as does the explanation of what he plans to do. Story happens. It lives in the protagonist's hopes and dreams, and in their struggle, not "this happened...then that happened...and after that..." As the great Alfred Hitchcock observed, Drama is life without the dull bits." So gve the reader what matters, as it happens.

Here's a secret they'll tell you in school: We're not the first thing about writing fiction. We're given only the writing skills we'll need as a productive, and employed, adult. Professions, like medicine, accounting, and fiction-writing are learned after our public education years because there are tricks of the trade, specialized knowledge, and more, unique to EVERY profession, even fiction.

So keep writing, of course. But at the same time, make the effort pay by picking up a few tricks to make th job easier, more fun, and more successful. Hit the local library's fiction-writing section. You'll find the views os successful writers, publishing pros, and noteworthy teachers. Why reinvent the wheel when it's all there waiting for you?

Suggestions:

For help:
Pick up your personal copy of Strunk and White's Elements of Style. It explains grammar well. And don't just read it. Practice what you're given till it becomes automatic.

Read, Debra Dixon's, GMC: Goal Motivation & Conflict. Read it slowly. Stop to thik of each point as it's raised, and practice it till you can use it automatically. Fail to do that and you'll read it, nod, and a week later forget it exists.

It this what you were hoping to hear? Of course not. You were hoping that people would like the STORY idea. But plot is easy. And plot can only be appreciated after the story is easy. What's hard is writing well enough that the reader will WANT to turn to page two. Better yet, need to. But think about your school years. Did your teachers mention the difference between a scene on TV and one on the page? It's significant. And if you don't know what a scene on the page is, how can you write one.

Did they mention the purpose of the short-term scene-goal, and how to introduce it? If you don't know what it is, will you include one?

How about how to provide the protagonist's viewpoint, and place the reader into that character's moment of "now?" Without that, it will read like a report, and who reads reports for entertainment?

The good news? Nothing I mentioned has to do with your talent or the story. It's about the learned part of writing fiction.

So...you have the desire to write stories. You have a story. But your reader will have been reading professionally written and edited fiction since first grade. And they expect the same quality from you. So doesn't it make sense that to be a pro you need to know what the pro knows?

For a clarification of what I mean, and a look at the things you need to know more about, poke around in my writing blog.The articles won't make a fiction-writer of you, and they're not intended to teach you the necessary skills, only give you an idea of how much there is to learn, and why, so you can plan your course with accuracy and assurance.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

6 Years Ago

Well that was a lot to take in. JayG i'm not a writer, it's never been my strong suite. In terms of .. read more

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