The Roasted Pig

A rough beginning to my novel....any input or criticism greatly appreciated

                Under the light of the full moon, and a sky full of flickering stars, two shadowy figures tread the hard packed, earthen road. Not many roads in Doria were as well traveled as this. To the west this road led to a fork; with the untamed desert of the nomadic tribes to the south, and the harsh borderlands of the Dragon Clans to the north. Beyond the fork, miles of untamed wilderness, leading to the base of a jagged mountain slope, a sheer wall of mile high cliffs prevented any further passage or exploration to the west. A village, at this pass in the road, was a popular place for travelers, and the only place to stop and rest for many leagues. The Roasted Pig; was a favorite stop for many a traveler in the Western reaches of Doria. Roasted pig, potatoes, carrots and warm bread with sweet cream butter being the favorite of many, that and a large mug of mead to wash it down. The innkeeper was adept at pleasing his customers, and there was never a shortage of either.  “Lord Ton will be in a foul mood Stiff, we’re already late”. Stiff considered a moment and smiled. “Not if there’s enough serving maids to occupy him. Get me coffee woman”, Stiff ordered jokingly. Gray laughed aloud,” We should still hurry, or I’m sure we’ll be catapulted into next week. Stiff chuckled merrily. ”Of that I am certain” he clapped Gray on the shoulder. ”We are nearly there. I hope Ton has brought mounts. I would hate to journey afoot”. No strangers to being in the wild, these two men were skilled warriors, hunters, and trackers. Heavy leather trousers, and studded leather breastplate, each with a sword; and a bracer, a small lightweight round shield, slung over his back. A long belt knife, at each hip, and a small pack containing a bow, a quiver of arrows, and a bedroll for nights in the wilderness, were the only supplies they carried. Stiff, the stockier of the two men; almost twice of Gray in size and weight, fiery red hair cropped short and red beard to match, gave away his borderland heritage. Stiff was an impressive a warrior as he was loyal, and had worked with the lords and ladies of Rogue many times, and was a trusted friend of many years. Gray, his young apprentice, had proven himself not only a good warrior, but a good tracker and hunter as well. With time he’d be as good as his mentor. Not a small man by any means, almost six feet tall, lean and muscular, shoulder length wavy brown hair sticking out from beneath a leather cap, Gray was not nearly as intimidating as Stiff, but had proven himself time and time again against many foes, and Stiff was proud to know him. Though neither wanted for nothing, their dealings with Rogues lords and Ladies ensured that, each preferred their lives of warrior for pay, and the freedoms this life entailed, though everyone knew of their loyalty to Rogue Knights. As they neared the Roasted Pig the sounds and smells became apparent. The rusty colored window glass betrayed the firelight within, and the bustle of activity. Lively music, what must be a team of minstrels danced merrily on the breeze, and the smell of tender roasted pig and baked bread beckoned as they made their way to the main entry. The building itself was neat and trim, not a piece seemed out of place from the short white picket of the gardened flowerbeds, to the neatly jointed eaves. A freshly painted sign, with the image of a pig being roasted over an open fire, and the Roasted Pig boldly lettered hung over the door. As the pair of men entered the establishment, they were assaulted by the sounds and smells of the Roasted pig, Laughter, idle chatter, and the music of three boldly dressed minstrels. The smell of food was making stiff hungry. Three days on the road with only salted beef and bread made his belly rumble for some real food. “There’s our Lord Ton”, Gray pointed at a table towards the back of the room. As they moved in that direction Stiff noted that Ton was not alone, and sat in the company of two lightly armored women. No food on the table before them, only mugs of mead, and coffee for Ton, as he never drank mead, he couldn’t stand the stuff. I guess the food will wait Stiff thought. “Ah, Stiff”, Ton stood and stretched out a hand, “my friend, I’m glad you’ve come. I’d like you to meet the Lady Damsel, of the Rogue Knights, and the lady Crymsinn, commander of the crusaders. This is my good friend Stiff, and his young apprentice Gray, the best hunters and trackers I know”. Stiff bowed low,” My ladies, it’s very good to make your acquaintance. I’ve heard only good things of you both”. Lady Damsel nodded slightly.” I have heard good things of you to Stiffy, I was glad to hear you would be joining us, as I understand your skills go unmatched where tracking prey is concerned”. Stiff smiled widely.” My lady is too kind of course, but I will gladly take your compliment with another mug of mead. Do u mind if I eat? Three days without a hot meal has my stomach protesting such harsh treatment” he chuckled. “Besides, Ton is buying, laughing aloud he grabbed Tons Shoulder and gave it a friendly shake, isn’t that right my old friend?” Ton raised a hand and motioned the serving maid. “May we have meals, and rooms for the night, if you please madam” Ton placed a coin on the table.  As the maid left to get the food, he slapped her on the bottom. ”And don’t forget my coffee woman”. His friends at the table chuckled merrily. “Ton, you sure have a way with women.”  Damsel laughed aloud. The maid reappeared with plates for all, and coffee for Ton. “The rooms will be ready at your leisure my lord”, she smiled invitingly at Ton as she picked up the coin. With a brass jug she filled the mugs of mead before each of them. “Enjoy your meals lords and ladies, anything you need just call on me”. And with a smile on her face, she left to attend other patrons. As the ladies began to dissect their meals with their provided utensils, Stiff grabbed at his plate, and savored his first few bites of succulent roasted pork. “So tell me Ton, what are we about?” Ton shook his head. “We are waiting other arrivals my friend, I only wish to explain once, and will do so on the morrow when we all are present. Stiff considered this unlikely group, and who else could possibly be involved. Why the secrecy, he wondered. ”Of course my lord”, he nodded graciously. Stiff turned his attention back to his plate, chewing silently, listening to the soft melody of the minstrels by the fireside. Gray, ever watchful of their surroundings, ate slowly and deliberately, constantly surveying the activity in the common room of the Roasted Pig, occasionally sneaking a glance in the lady Crymsinns direction. Crymsinn was a very striking young lady. Long auburn hair, draped over a shiny lightweight breastplate, with gauntlets to match, she was the very image of a warrior princess. Anyone who underestimated young lady Crymsinn would be on the wrong end of a beating to be sure. Stories of her prowess had reached far and wide in the lands of Doria. Dark Rogue himself was so impressed with her, gave to her command of  a legion of younglings who showed great promise in skills of war, now known as the Crymsinn Crusaders. Crymsinn had trained with lord Honore of the Elites, and was said with Lord Rogue as well. She was considered to be a competent commander at only twenty two years of age, only two years younger than Gray himself. The lady Crymsinns command was a southern keep, at the border of the waste to the south. The Keep was one of many that guarded Rogue lands from incursions from the south. There were similar strongholds along the borders to the north as well. Rogue was emphatic about border protection, and claimed there could never be enough, and most would agree with him. Grays attention drifted to a table of northern warriors, obviously of the Dragon Clans. At the head of the table sat a fine featured lady, with piercing blue eyes and  golden blonde locks tied into a tight braid. The way she sat spoke to Gray of royalty, and the fellows surrounding her  could very well be her personal guard. She spoke to them quietly, as not to be heard by anyone but her men, and the conversation seemed of some import as their attentions never left their  lady. Gray wondered to himself, what sort of business these northerners were on, deep inside Rogue lands. Rogue and the Dragon Clans were currently  at peace, but there have been times of war between them that would not entirely be forgotten As the serving maid cleared their plates, and refilled their mugs, Gray noticed a shadowy figure alone at a corner table. Wrapped in a hooded cloak of black, Gray could make nothing of his features but wondered to himself why he hadn’t noticed him before. It was not like him to miss details such as this. As he considered the figure in black, Ton announced he would retire for the evening. “Ladies and Gentleman, meet me here in the common room in the morning, and we shall begin to prepare for our journey. The others should have arrived by then, goodnight my friends and sleep well”. The lady Damsel stood as well, and began to gather her things. ”We shall retire as well my lords, rest well, and we will see you on the morrow”. As lord Ton and the ladies of Rogue took their leave, Gray looked in the direction of the lone traveler. The table was empty. Gray scanned the room for the mysterious traveler, who had vanished in a matter of moments, and could see no trace of the man he had seen. “I think I’ve had too much mead Stiffy, and believe I shall call it a night”. Stiff grasped his mug and gulped the last of his mead. “I will join you lad, if I know Ton there will be much to do tomorrow. I’m sure he has great plans and cannot wait for him to reveal them to us”. As they headed for the stairs, Gray suddenly had a feeling of impending dread. He scanned the room once more, and saw nothing threatening, pushed away the feeling, and made his way towards their room. Stiff pulled a coin from his pocket, and looked at Gray. “Heads for the bed, tails for the floor, you flip it”, and tossed it to Gray. As he flipped the coin, caught it, and slapped it to his wrist, the young lad frowned. “Damn, tails”, but smiled immediately upon entering the room. This room had two beds. Stiffy laughed aloud,” your lucky day lad, a pretty lady, a fine meal, and a night in a soft bed, what more could u wish for?” stiff laughed again,” don’t answer that lad, for I do know what your wish would be, and I also would wish for a fine lady’s company over yours, but at least no floor tonight”. As Gray made ready for bed, he wondered about the dark figure, and the feeling of dread that he could not shake, and what would tomorrow bring? The comforts of a hot meal and a warm bed soon consumed him, and he fell almost immediately into deep sleep.

                A silent figure in black, watched as the lords and ladies of Rogue made their way to retire for the evening.  The young ranger had seen him. The stones power must be weakening. Its power must be replenished soon. “Would you care for more mead my lord?” The pretty young serving maid wasted no time filling his mug. He tossed a gold coin onto the table, and looked directly into her eyes. “How much for a night of comfort my dear?” he asked her with a smile on his face. The young girl looked at the gold, then met his gaze. ”For that my lord I will comfort you well. I will be finished soon, and will come to your room if you wish me too my lord”. She took the coin and tucked it into her bosom. She caught his gaze once more. “ I will not disappoint you my lord, tis money well spent I assure you.” She winked at him and turned to go. “I do not wish to wait long my dear, hurry if u please”, he called to her as she scurried away. As he stood and made his way to his room, he considered the young lady. “A fine time it will be, killing two birds with one stone”, he muttered to himself. With a pleased grin on his face, he went to his room and waited for the young lady’s arrival. Removing his heavy cloak, and his boots, he began to ready himself. A black, translucent looking gemstone hung on a leather cord around his neck. Under his tunic, many scars adorned his upper body. What once must had been long deep gashes, from battle, or torture, one could not be sure. His skin was light brown in color, and among the scars a mix of inked tattoos of a strange origin. His hair was black, and pulled back into a tail of two braids that hung halfway down his back. Two silver earrings in each lobe, and a gold hoop in his nose. All these things , along with the  long curved sword in a leather scabbard hanging on a peg near the door, marked him as a nomadic warrior from the desert waste. Going to the pack on the chair in the corner, he removed a leather pouch, and produced a small wooden pipe, and some sort of herb. As he packed the  bowl , and began to smoke, there was a tapping on the door. “You may enter my sweet”, he called to the young lady outside in the hall. She opened the door as he blew a cloud of smoke in her direction. “Come try the herbs, they will help you relax and open you to a more enjoyable experience my dear.” She looked him up and down, stepped towards him, and reached for the bowl of smoke. “I will gladly do what pleases u my lord”. She put the bowl to her lips and inhaled deeply, held it a moment, then released a smoky haze into the air. ”Your smoke tastes quite sweet my lord, may I have another pull?” she asked. He nodded his agreement as she took another deep pull of smoke. He grinned wickedly as she exhaled another large cloud of smoke. This was going well he thought to himself. He would indeed enjoy this.

                Gray woke in a cold sweat. His dreams had been so vivid, and seemed very real. Stiff was still sound asleep and the sun not yet up. Gray quietly pulled on his trousers and boots. As he donned his leather tunic, he considered his dreams .He had been alone in a swamp, stalking a mysterious creature, something like he had never seen. As he had made his way, tracking his prey, he ran across a pair of younglings. A young man and woman lost it seemed in this black swamp. Both carried weapons, but did not look adept at using them. Odd that the young woman carried a small battle axe of sorts, something he had never seen in its crafting, though it looked to be very useful. Their chance meeting in this treacherous place was immediately interrupted by a foul beast of gigantic proportions. A cat of sorts, but bigger than a war horse. Black as night this beast, and hard to distinguish from the shadows, Gray yelled for the young couple to run, as he bared his sword and faced the mighty beast. He didn’t know if they listened or not, but this cat now had his full attention. He lunged for the cat, and it sidestepped and jumped inside. Hungrily snapping at grays neck, the killing blow that would be, Gray dimly remembered thinking. Those teeth would be the end of him. As gray fought to fend off the beast, he noticed an arrow protruding where it was not before. Looking to his right, he saw the boy, hastily reloading his bow. The girl, with a wild yell, axe bared, was moving to help with the attack. The sound of a low whistle, touched his ears, and as quick as the beast had come, it was gone. Gray had never seen such a fearsome creature. He had always believed he knew every animal in Doria, but knew nothing of this beast. And the whistle, was this a trained creature? And if so, who could master such a thing? These thoughts were in his mind as he woke, never knowing the identity of the young couple. Though the dream was so vivid, Gray didn’t know what to make of it. He had such strange dreams of late. Things were changing, that was for sure. There had been many rumors of fierce beasts and other creatures never before seen, wandering the lands to the south. He knew that they would travel south with Lord Ton and the others, but knew not why, or what they would discover. He hoped only that they would prevail, over whatever evil it may be. Gray strapped his sword to his waist and began to gather his things. He was as ready as he could be for whatever the day would bring, right after coffee. He thought of Lord Ton. Get me coffee woman, Gray chuckled to himself. If he tried that he would most assuredly get something other than coffee. With a smile on his face, he made his way to the common room. Lord Ton sat at the same table as last evening, alone, and enjoying a hot cup and looking over a map, with a serious look on his face. “Good morning my Lord Ton”, Gray greeted the older Lord with a smile. “The sun will be up soon my lord. Do I have time for a plate?” Ton motioned gray to sit. ”Of course Gray, you will need all your strength I fear, as we have a long perilous journey ahead of us.” Ton motioned the serving maid with a wave of his hand. “Breakfast for two my dear, and more coffee please”. As the girl went into the kitchen top prepare their food, gray looked about the common room. Much different from the night before, the common room this morning was quiet and empty, save for Ton and himself. The serving maid appeared with two steaming plates of biscuits and sausage gravy, toasted bread; with butter and jam on the side. “Be right back with coffee my lords” she said to them as she again walked away. By the time she returned, Gray had dug deeply into his breakfast, savoring every bite, as though it would be his last. When the maid returned with coffee, his mouth was full, so he could only nod his thanks. As he swallowed a mouthful of gravy and biscuits, he looked at Ton. “So, what are we about my lord?” Gray asked before shoveling another bite of food onto his mouth. “Wait until the others arrive my bold hunter, I only wish to explain once if I can”. Ton sipped his coffee. “I’m sure they will all arrive directly”. Gray chewed his food thoughtfully as he considered what their quest might be. He looked up from his plate to see Stiff make his way into the common room. “I see you’ve started without me Gray, as usual” Stiff took a seat next to Gray. “Looks good to, I’ll also have a plate miss” Stiff called to the serving maid. “All that sleep has made me hungry”. Gray laughed out loud. “You’re always hungry Stiffy. Good thing I know how to defend well, someday I may have to defend my food from you my friend, what a day that will be”. Gray chuckled merrily as he finished the last of his plate. “If you are finished Gray”, Ton sipped his coffee.” You could go out to the stable and see to our mounts. The stable hand knows which ones, and will bring them out. Give him this for me will you”, Ton flipped him a silver coin. “Tell him we would like a little extra feed if you please”. Gray stood and gulped the last of his coffee. “Of course Ton, I need to stretch my legs anyway”. Gray grabbed his pack and strode to the door and walked outside. The morning was fresh with dew, and the sun only now peeking over the horizon, making the low sky a colorful wave of orange, purple, and into black. There were a few buildings in the rear area behind the inn itself. Gray made for one of the big barns which surely where the horses were being kept. The doors were open and a soft glow of lamplight revealed the stable hand, feet kicked up on a stool, and smoking a pipe of tabac. He looked up at Gray. “Is lord Ton ready for his horses then my young lord?” He said as he stood. “Should I get the ladies horses too?” Gray nodded,” yes, I would say so.” Gray tossed the man the silver Ton had given him. “Ton wishes a little extra feed, if you please sir.” The man smiled warmly at Gray. ”Of course lad, lord Ton knows well I will take care of him”. As the man made his way to retrieve the horses, Gray considered his dreams, and his feelings of dread. What were they getting into he wondered. “Help me with this one lad, he’s a big one. Lord Ton has brought a pair of these big greys. Just take him and tie him to the rail out front thank u lad. Then come back for the next one if you please”. Gray led the hulking grey warhorse to the rail out front. Surely the greys were for stiff and himself. A fine choice of mounts, Gray was very pleased. Gray tied the second horse next to the first. “Could be twins in fact” Gray said aloud to no one in particular. Manes and tails cropped close to keep them from being ensnared during battle, muscles bulging from their shoulders neck and hindquarters, made them seem hardy beasts in deed. The saddles on their backs were of hardened leather, black with polished steel buckles and studs. Gray went back inside to get the next horse. A white mare with its mane and tail dyed black as night. Gray had seen this horse before, Lady Damsel’s Maneater. The next white mare must belong to lady Crymsinn. A fine white stallion, for my lord Ton, two browns , a beige sorrel, and a fiery black stallion. Gray wondered to whom these other horses belonged, especially the black stallion. Though it made its way quietly to the rail, as had all the other horses, Gray felt something within this horse yet untamed, just below the surface, a wildness that would never be conquered. He considered this carefully. The stallion gave him no real indication of wildness, it was just a feeling, though Gray was very sure of it, his feelings seemed to be more often right than not. Something was happening to him, something strange. He had never experienced such strong feelings, or the sensing of things as he was now, and the vividness of his dreams, more like portents and visions of what may come. Gray thought of the cat again from his dream, I sure hope not, he thought shaking his head. Never had he seen something as fearsome as that, and he didn’t want to. Gray reached into his breast pocket for his tabac. A small, brown leather pouch, opened to reveal some fine leaf tabac, and a simple wooden bowl. Removing the bowl, and packing it full, Gary looked to the stable hand. “Would you like a smoke sir?” Gray asked the kindly gentleman. The man smiled and moved in Gray’s direction. “Why thank u lad”, he said as Gray handed him some leaf. The man put it up to his nose, “a very nice aroma lad”. He cleared his pipe and packed it with the fresh tabac, put fire to it and took a pull. “Very nice, very smooth’ where did you come by such fine smoke, if I might ask lad, I would very much like to have some of this myself”. Gray shook his head, “a gift from the lord Rogue my friend, but a generous gift it was”. Gray reached into his pouch and pulled free a nice bit of leaf and held it out to the man. “Generous enough that I have a little to spare” he said with a smile. The man smiled wide as he accepted the tabac. “Thank you lad, I will remember your kindness. Not everyone is not as respectful as yourself, as you can imagine”. Gray ran his hands thru his hair, pushing it back from his face. His cap was in his pack, and not needed now. But if he didn’t trim his hair soon, his cap would be a permanent feature. “Which of the two greys would you suggest to me sir?” Gray was thinking how impressed he was with the first Grey he brought outdoors. “Oh, the one to the right there lad, that lady with the long scar down her flank, she is experienced, and been blooded, a better mount you could not have, mark my words.” The stable hand said with a look of conviction. “I had thought so myself kind sir. Gray picked up his pack and began to stow it behind the saddle on the large grey war horse. Once it was secure, he walked to the front of the horse, rubbing her neck gently and speaking softly to her. “Hello old girl” he said reaching into his coat pocket, he produced a couple of sugar cubes he pocketed during this morning’s coffee with Ton. Putting the cubes where the horse could see, rubbing her gently,” do you have a name girl?” Gray whispered in her ear. The big grey whinnied, and began to lick at the sugar that Gray held up for her. “What should I call you my lady war? That’s it!” Gray exclaimed smiling from ear to ear. “My Lady War, is your name my dear”. The big grey lady whinnied again, and stamped her foot twice. “Nice that you agree my Lady, you take care of me and I’ll take good care of you”, Gray patted her neck softly now. “You sure have a way with her lad” the stable hand chuckled merrily. “She really seems to like you too, smart move bringing that sugar, you’ve got yourself a sweetie now for sure”. Gray laughed as the horse nuzzled his pocket. “Seems I need more sugar, I need to go back in and get more coffee anyway, I’ll be back shortly good sir”. The hand smiled as he puffed his pipe, “take your time, while I enjoy this smoke, and just let me know when you’re ready lad”.

                As Gray neared the front entrance to the inn, the door opened, Ton, Stiff, and the Ladies of Rogue made their way outside. Behind them a man Gray felt he had seen before but could not place. A tall man, brown skinned with most of his head shaved, except for a long topknot of black hair, woven in two braids, hanging halfway down his back. The man’s armor was black leather, studded with small steel spikes, with boots to match. “Finely made for a tribesman of the desert” Gray thought to himself. “This must be the owner of the wild black stallion”. Ton smiled at him. “Are the horse’s ready lad?” Gray jerked his head in the direction of the horses. “Yes Ton, they are ready, I only need a moment inside, and I shall return swiftly.” With that, Gray entered the inn in search of a little sugar. Gray scanned the room for the serving girl, and once he laid eyes on her, he began to move that way. The inn was much busier this morning, and the girl seemed a bit frazzled. “Miss,” Gray asked politely. ”Would you have a small bag of sugar I can buy for the road.” The girl motioned towards the kitchen door, “could you please ask the cook, the other girl who works with me in the mornings hasn’t shown up and I’m terribly busy.” Gray nodded and made his way to the kitchen, purchased two small bags of sugar, and walked back outside. Ton and the others were stowing their gear on their mounts as he walked up. “Have you met Whahala?” Ton asked as Gray approached them. “He is a Warrior Shaman of the desert people, and wishes to aid us on our journey. He will be our guide across the desert sands”. Gray looked the direction of the warrior, who only nodded.  Gray noticed the long curved scabbard slung over this warriors back, along with a round bull hide shield with a small spike centered on its face. “That would seem very handy” Gray thought as he made ready his Lady of War. “Ton”, Gray spoke as he mounted the big grey mare, “what are we about? I’m sure we would all like to know”. Ton shifted his weight on the stallion. “The city of Southland is under attack as we speak, by what has been described as Monsters and Devil Knights”. “Rogue is sending five legions by ship. When we arrive in Southland, we are to take command of Rogues Armies, and investigate the appearance of these creatures, find them where they live and destroy them”. Gray looked at Ton in amazement. “And what of Lady Lou, and her Southern Sentinals, is there any word?” Ton shook his head sadly. “The last we heard, they had begun the fight, the Sentinals fighting the front line, but the information we were given leads us to believe they are sorely outnumbered and I am afraid we will not arrive in time. Lou is a good fighter, she has good knights, I’m sure she will do whatever is necessary, never fear for Lou young warrior, as she is quite skilled”. Gray considered Tons words, he hoped it was true, but he pushed past thoughts of Lou, and began to think of the dangers that awaited them. This was the most dangerous mission he would go on so far for The Rogue Knights. He gulped, and hoped he would make it through. “If everyone is ready”, Ton looked at the group of warriors. ”We might as well head south. We have days of travel ahead and no time to spare.” Everyone nodded their agreement. No one spoke as the started down the south road. Everyone seemed to be lost in their own thoughts now that the mission was revealed. Gray wondered how they all felt about it. He wondered if the ladies had already known, and were lady Crymsinns Crusaders among the legions in the ships. What sort of monsters, and devil knights, what could they be? All of these thoughts and more were swimming in grays head as Stiff rode up next to him. “What do you think lad, are you up for this?” Gray nodded his head, “I’m up for it Stiffy, how do you feel old man, gray laughed aloud, “you going to make it?” Stiff chuckled, “probably spend most of my time saving your behind”, he gave Gray a friend punch in the shoulder, “don’t get me killed alright lad”. Gray smiled wide, “just try and keep up with me will you” Gray laughed again as he returned Stiffs friendly hit. Stiff had lightened his mood, like he always does, Gray had great respect for his mentor, if Stiff wasn’t worried, neither would he. Gray assessed the group as they made their way down the South Road. The Ladies of Rogue rode to themselves quietly talking amongst themselves. Ton rode to the front with Whahala, while he and Stiff brought up the rear. They wouldn’t be expecting any trouble for days yet and were making an easy pace. Again he had that same bad feeling he woke with, and wondered of the cause, must be nerves he thought grimly to himself.

Reviews

[Anonymous00]

The story moves fluidly; it's very believable, to-period, and exciting. The dialogue is absolutely marvelous - it brings the characters, and the setting to life in a way that most stories fall short of. There is a perfect balance between description and character musings. The character's themselves are believable, funny, charismatic, and interesting. Minus some grammatical errors, this is an absolutely astonishing sample.

Don't get discouraged with your lack of reviews - I was wary, given the format, to dive into this, but after reading the first few lines, I was completely hooked.

Keep going. And please let me know when you've finished your next bit, I'd love to see what happens next.

[semppu]

Very well written. No blatant grammer errors or anything that couldn't be fixed upon a quick revision. Scene to scene flows great together and description of environment was also well worded and thought out. I was, however, wondering if the sections were massive paragraphs or a problem with the upload. Now I want some pulled pork and potatoes. mmm...

[CleverKitty]

This is fantastic! I'm really enjoying this so far and I can't wait for more.
There were a couple grammatical and spelling errors I noticed (I'm a little OCD about those things). I would try spacing the dialogue so it's a little easier to follow.
Other than that, very well written, flows nicely and I love how it started. It feels like you just flowed effortlessly into the story, no lengthy explanations. Love it!

[Schyala]

I've absolutely fallen in love with this series! The beginning was amazing! I'm surprised you don't have more views with a story like this! Read request me when you write the next chapter, please hurry!

[StonyB]

Thank you so much, and i surely will the next segment is coming along nicely..thanks for your great comments and interest. Honestly i was becoming a little discouraged. My friends who have read my story so far have given me great praise, but while reading some of the works here, yours included, i began to feel a little inadequate. again thanks for your comments, you have made my day.