Lost At Sea

A poem of desperation and hope in our darkest hours.

Midnight and I'm lost at sea
Struggling to float above
The water and it's hard to breathe
I'm all alone and out of love.

Am I worthy of saving
or Will Davy Jones take me? 
Will the waves that I'm braving
End up breaking my neck?

Father from me remove this cup
My lungs are weak and filling up.

Author's Note

Be brutally honest.

Reviews

"Struggling to float above
The water and it's hard to breathe" The way you formatted this is remarkably similar to the way I format things. Sometimes I don't always finish a line until the next one. So that's pretty damned neat.

The first and the 3rd stanza have some rhymes going on, and in the 2nd stanza you started a rhyming pattern, but the last line completely threw it off.
I'd say change that last line of the stanza. Seems out of place.

[Mauricio Montoya]

what I get from this piece is inner turmoil and the father is some kind of divine intervention to set you free. Nice work, well done.

[Aggie Skeleton]

I like how you worded it, it made me think a little.