Being Civilized

I am sick

Of being blamed

For the fact that my daughter

Doesn't have a father

 

I figure if he can't step up on his own

Why Bother?

It's not my job to keep him in her life

While he goes around spreading lies

As to why

He's not included

He's the one that secluded himself

 

The times my daughter was in bad health

He wasn't there

The times she said she wanted him

He didn't care

The times he said he would be there to get her

He never showed

So many events that have occured in her life

That he'll, never, know

 

So I'm the one that has to look in them big brown eyes

Trying to supply

All the answers as to why daddy isn't around

I can't make it right

But I can continue to fight

To stabilize her as she ages

 

I'm blessed to witness all the stages

From walking to talking

Watching the personality unfold

I've never told her anything negative regarding him

She's at an age

Where she can begin to form her own opinion

 

I can't force him to be at her side

Can't force that fatherly pride

I can only reside on her side as a mother

 

I can't make up for what's lost

I definitely regret the fact she has to pay the cost

For what happened between him and myself

 

A life isn't something you can just put on the shelf

Hoping somebody else

Will come along and claim them as their own

 

It will always be known that's not what's real

She will always feel that void of completion

From the thoughts that can't seem to find deletion

 

Yet in the meantime....

 

I have all these fingers pointed at me

Saying "why can't YOU be more civilized for the sake of your child"

Yet when all the facts are compiled

The truth is....

 

I'm not the one that chose to walk

Here I stand

Stabilized

Willing to talk about the situation

Hoping that one day

Mediation can be met

For far too much time has been spent

Pointing fingers to blame

When a child that shares the same blood

Still sits longing for her daddy's love

Reviews

[Kimberly Tickle ~~~ Dia..]

Li, girl you did your thang with this one... And i'm glad you put this out there because its alot of father's who aren't in their child's life not knowing that in some way that may effect the child, but yet again you put this you here and you tell these women who think they need to run up behind these men so that their child can have someone to call daddy, you tell them that women can do it on their own, and that their are plenty of women who are strong and independent and can take care of themseleves and their child...Great Write Li Li..You kicked but on this one girl....


~~~~Kimberly Tickle~~~Diamonds Of Life

[Richard B. Berry]

This is something that has become way too common in our society, written with powerful emotion. It's a shame that the one who gets hurt the most is the children. Well done.

[Candid Writer]

Very raw and real emotions. You speak with such honesty about such a difficult (sometimes taboo) topic. I agree that you can't force people to do what they should be happy to do in the first place. If they can't take care of their responsibilites, it is not your job to beat them with a big stick in their head for them to do the right thing. All one can do, is teach that child the right things in life... and be civilized.

[Gandré]

Single mom does an unbelievable hard job. They have to give love for two, they have to work for two, they need to be strong for two... it is wonderful that you never ever said something bad about the father of your cute daughty, i have seen the picture...very intelligent and level-headed. your narrative written poem has got even a poetic character. you are a great girl, I truly love u. great poem.

[Carl]

HEY VERY RAW PIECE BY YOU LILI. VERY EMOTIVE. YOU SPEAK ON BEHALF OF SO MANY WOMEN WHO ARE LEFT WITH A YOUNG CHILD AND LOADS OF QUESTIONS. JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE LEFT ON YOUR OWN WITH A YOUNG CHILD DOES NOT MAKE YOU A BAD MOM. YOU HOLD A JOB YOU HAVE PRESSURES THAT EVERYONE GOES THROUGH AND YOU HAVE THE MOST AMAZING KID TO LOOK AFTER TO. THROUGH ALL THE ANGER IN THIS PEICE THERE IS A STRAND OF HOPE THAT COMES THROGH. THE HOPE THAT MEDIATION MAY PREVEIL NOT BECAUSE YOU WANT HIM BACK BUT BECAUSE A CHILD NEEDS THE LOVE OF HER DAD AS WELL AS HER MOM. BE HONNEST WITH HER AND ALWAYS KEEP THYE DOOR OPEN FOR HER SAKE . MUCH LOVE

[T. Jones]

I agree with everyone else on this one...You are doing a great job of raising your daughter. I'm going through the same thing right now with my daughter's father...Everyone wants you to just "work it out", but why should you compromise your beliefs to be with an a*****e? It's so much easier for people to stand on the outside and look in, and try to tell you what to do. The fact is that they never have a clue what's going on...that is until you break it down, like you just did.

I felt the anger, and frustration in your words and in your voice. The flow of the poem has a calming effect on the listener...I could tell that you were trying to stay cool while you read this...Anyway, don't worry about those people. There are plenty of single parents out there that know exactly what you're going through.

[Tony Murray]

As I sat here listening to you with that hint of detest stirred into your poise and conviction I can't help but think how great a day God was having when he created such a strong woman. I mean it really seems as though he was in the zone. I know a lot of woman who are facing the struggles that you do on a daily basis. As a single father I should have all the answers to why men do as the one portrayed here does, but I too am incredulous. You have to deal with healing the hurt of unkept promises and answer questions that should never need to be posed. I love the spirit you have and can say that as an outsider looking in, thank you. Thank you for speaking up and calling an unfather out for the coward he is. The love of children comes natural to us all, except for the defective ones. So to be so defective that you can't yearn to be at your own child's side is inexcusable. I will never believe you lost your spirit.

[Timely Disposition]

As silly as you can be when there are ZERO children present, I can sort of tell, that you are doing this mom thing right. I obviously have no proof....but....oh but nothing. There are so many things here that could apply to my dad, that I just feel for you sister. I know how my mom had it and I feel for you.

Now, all that mushy mush aside, I am very glad you evoca'd it because I would give you the old "I am not sure how this is suppose to flow," speech. But then again, your stuff always, ALWAYS does flow so...I will stand here now and say that I will forever believe that your rhyme scheme works and never demand an evoca again. I will simply request because I feel you are particularily good at such things.

[Jadarae]

Girl, you are the mama and you are who is in baby girl's life. Like Nik said, you've gotta do what you have to in order to protect her from harm. People are gonna talk and say what they want cause they only see what's right in front of them, and not the entire story. You do the mama thing. That's all that matters. Cause there's gonna come a day when she is old enough to remember everything that you have done for her. And when she says thanks, it'll be "Thanks mommy."

[Nik'aule]

I left a comment about a paragraph long and then when I clicked submit, it all deleted.... that's the saddest thing possible to happen.. but basically what it boiled down to was that you're doing the right thing, and you've got to try your best to protect your daughter from harm in every way possible - not limited to a broken heart, because of broken promises made by her father - it's not your job to care what people think or say, it's your job to hinder negativity from coming that little girls' way - and if you feel it's best that she's not around her father, then that's just what it is - and f**k what people say, and you can tell them I said that - and when they gape and tell you to "be civilized", just tell them, "don't shoot the messenger"!

You're doing the right thing. I know - I'm there, too.