Setting Standards (original)

Bringing the comments back....

We often get caught in webs of hesitation
Looking for motivation
Too often finding the answer
In greed
All given the need to feed
To conquer our hunger for success
The mentality 

We all possess
Not realizing we digress
By our own actions

Satisfactions are being met
How can one not regret
The pollution they serve to these streets?
Carrying heat
Aiming with no goal
Standing on feet that have no "soul"
As if that s**t sets standards
Human hazards
Contaminated by society
Lost in the variety of trends
Trying to pretend
To be something they are not
The blocks are hot
Due to lack of deputation
Not lack of education
Our elders get no respect
Our own children we don't protect
Yet
As long as we collect what's owed
We feel we showed
Our own methods
Of democracy

Reviews

[SolomonSavant ~ The Rog..]

"Trying to pretend
To be something they are not
The blocks are hot
Due to lack of deputation
Not lack of education..."

EXACTLY! Man, people need to police themselves, don't they? Good Writing... Nice release.

[Timely Disposition]

Often we don't set standards. We just latch on to those that have been set. This is an ok situation. The problem comes in when people reject standards but don't actually know why AND they don't breed new ones. Right, wrong, or indifferent people, in a society, need standards (or walls). This piece is nice and poignant. And I like "nice" and "poignant". Keep trucking along Miss Li Li. The world needs your words.

[Cora Windover]

Hm, I really liked the flow and rhythm/rhyme of this poem... it was very lilting and would probably sound great read aloud. I think some of the meaning of specific lines gets lost in the rhythm, but that's okay, because at the end the reader is still left with a good impression of the message.

The only thing that wasn't excellent was the last line, last few lines... I dunno, I think it just didn't have enough punch to complement the rest of the piece, which was quite powerful.

My favorite line was definitely: Standing on feet that have no "soul"
I just love the way that sounds, and the line really stands out and makes you think. Thank you for the write!