Derailing

I love the thunder
But I can't stand the rain
I often try to explain
My pain
Yet I feel like
No one will listen
I've built
My own prison
Chose to carry
All this weight
Can't even
Stand up straight
Somehow
There's still a smile
I can create

Behind an image
Of virtue and determination
There's conflict
And complication
Of what I feel
Others want me to be
I don't have solidity
I have strong beliefs

I know the difference
Between wrong and right
Just get tired
Of the fight
And often feel like I might
Break down
I've done soul searching
And all I've found
Is a woman
Wanting to excel
Never asking for advice
As though suffering
Will suffice

Never wanting to show
That I'm failing
I'm a train
Slowly
Derailing
Preparing myself
For destruction
Headed downhill
Fast paced
With brakes that won't function

I want to love
And be loved
Come push or shove
I try to rise above
The past
That never seems to rest
I try my best
To contest
All the pain I possess
But I can't find
A release
The heartache
Begins to increase
And the anxiety
Won't cease

I have pride
And find it hard
To confide
In things
That seem to good
To be true
I've written many chapters
Only content
With a few

I create a smile
Simply to show
I haven't given up
On the belief
That I can still grow
I have a long
Way to go
Until I can say
My journey was complete
I haven't conquered
The world yet
So I can't give in
To defeat

Without the past
I wouldn't have
The present
So I can't regret it
At the same time
Never forget it
I can only
Accept it

One must live
While learning
And that's why
I'm yearning
For resolution
Through
All the confusion
There's a simple
Conclusion
And that is….
I can't change the things
That I've done
No longer run
From the things
I chose
To neglect
What do I have to protect
If I don't even have
Self respect

There comes a time
One must
Put down what they carry
Grab a shovel
And start to bury
All the moments
That died in the past
The momentum
Wasn't meant to last
It was only presented
To show you can surpass
Times of despair

Walk away
Being self forgiving
Thankful as you take
Each breath
Proving
You're still living
I just need to listen more
To the advice
I'm giving

Reviews

[[untitled]]

This is awesome. It was a great read. I liked it a lot.
It seems like you are so in tune with yourself, especially through these lines....
Behind an image
Of virtue and determination
There's conflict
And complication
Of what I feel
Others want me to be
I don't have solidity
I have strong beliefs

I really like this sections as well as the last verse. It's almost like you came to a
revelation. Like the answers hit you. This was really nice.

[☮]

Your words reflect many stories from my own life:

"As though suffering
Will suffice"
and

"I've written many chapters
Only content
With a few"

I understand the struggle and it's expressed passionately here. This would be a flawless open mic piece.
The content resonates... us artists struggle for outside understanding while we cope with our inner demons. Yet we're still here, right?

[Akili Amina]

Bravo! your words ARE my life as well!

[Bill Rembert Sr.]

I like this a lot. The imagery is nice. It reminds me of Hans Hoffman's "Push, pull" theory in painting (i.e... I love the thunder But I can't stand the rain AND Without the past I wouldn't have The present). That quality maintains my interest throughtout the poem. I'm thoroughly impressed by your writing and look forward to learning more from you.

[wizthom]

self freedom leads to free form expressions opening door to passions,
that awakes inner affection,when we stop to listen to the voice within,,
u will be surprise to learn we all need to follow the advise that comes from inside..peace wizthom great write

[Maxine]

This is strong.

It all flowed together.

It made me think, made me imagine, made me feel.

Your a great writer.

[Xfaerie corpseX]

Wow.....


Amazing....i really love this poem. and the pic goes with it as well. good job! can't wait to read other works by you