Tick Tock in Study Hall

Something I came up with in study hall, Flow of conciensness really.

Light from the window Shines
down upon the dusty floor
particles of dust, floating in the air
silence...silence this room doth prize

The ticking of the clock
now forever ceased
the creaking of the walls now only the quietest knock

Mockingbird, Mockingbird
upon the branch outside
how odd it seems to mock
this house of wood petrified.

Checker shapes on the floor
bright yellow paints the walls
a notebook lies forgotten
the story that has no end

tears sting the eyes of a life forgotten
every second whisked away with
the non-ticking of the clock

Author's Note

Probably not finished, it just fades out.

Reviews

[emipoemi]

This flow of consciousness really has a profound solemnity to it. It definitely has some potential of being a brilliant gem if you really work at personifying that solemnity as you do on occasional throughout the poem already. When opportunity rises, always give more and keep adding until you can add no more. For poetry is all about raising dynamic with every breath until the denouement, and I could feel those crescendos with every stanza, but I felt there was something missing....the power wasn't strong enough. When there's a powerful overall stanza, you should also consider repeating it for effect, and the first ticking of the clock stanza is simply divine, that you could expand it the poem a bit to add on to the solemn and profound silence to drag the readers in more before the ending (for that switch is also good, I just feel that we need another ticking of the clock before there's the no sound at all. Well done!

[Wórdsmíth]

Wow ... I really wanted to read such a piece someday and see .. I read it today from you. When I get bored to death, some miserable thoughts always strike on with my head but I could never came up myself with such words. Yeah .. I`d written many .. but could never write such a poem like this, it`s a very beautiful write. I like reading your poems.

[Taylor H.]

I'm making up for reviews I haven't returned. So you may get a few from me depending :). OK, i agree. I think you need to add to this. But over all its a good poem!