Walk on the clouds

What happens on paper when your mind melds with nature and love....

I walk in a daydream...

 

The cool mist falls upon my face from a

gentle summers rain.

 

I look to the gray sky, clouds melded together,

 

Together. . .

 

Your heart is melded to mine,

yet

Your body lay elsewhere.

 

In the darkest nights I wonder if

your eyes search the stars for answers

as mine do. . .

The moon shines bright upon nights

as black as ink

And it's presence comforts me,

Reminding me of your words of

comfort,

of love

The gentlist breeze brushes across

my face, and oh how

I yearn for your touch

 

The rain mocks me, it washes away the ink

coming in the form of tears I

cannot cry.

 

Love, Please come soon and be my

salvation

 

Reviews

[Marie Anzalone]

Sometimes, the daydreams of love are more inspiring than the reality of the love. It is a difficult thing to face. But when we ask another to save us, we are asking for another person to be what should come from within. When we are filled with light, we can live with the daydream dissolving, and be ok with reality, and realize we have so much to give another person.

[Sofia N]

this is so sweet, i super love this poem, your words are really touching and beautiful..Great job, Keep it up :)

[Voice]

Brilliant Piece!! i can truly feel your emotions coming through this and you paint a picture that is perfectly clear for the reader. Great write!!

Voice

[Coyote Poetry]

A very beautiful poem. Your description is excellent and desire for love could be felt in your words.
Coyote

[LonelySoul]

this work,soft as the petals of a rose,and just as sweet

[Maestro]

I absolutley LOVED this!! I just saw tons of imagery!!!

[Creepy Swine Guy]

I think that this poem is fabulous. All that I would suggest is punctuation. You see since you wrote it, you hear it in your head as you know it should be; with all of the appropriate stops and pauses (line breaks do not necessarily indicate pauses or stops in poems). We readers don't know how it is supposed to sound though. We are at a disadvantage because we didn't write it. The punctuation acts as instructions on how to read it for us.

But as far as content, I often find that young writers struggle to convey love, longing and pining without sounding whiney. You did not have this problem. You combined longing with a wonderful awareness and appreciation for nature. I especially liked ...

"In the darkest nights I wonder if
your eyes search the stars for answers
as mine do. . .
The moon shines bright upon nights
as black as ink
And it's presence comforts me
Reminding me of your words of
comfort
of love"

... along with the closing lines. This was very powerful stuff.

[Fairy Tales]

very beautiful

[Boris Jonathan Novak]

Beautiful and heartfelt work. This was amazingly romantic and longing. I could really feel this from a deep level. Your work just keeps getting better and better.

[Marlena]

Very sweet and romantic, you misspelled "comfort" in this line "And it's presence comfots me" and also, "Your body lie elsewhere" I'm debating weather it should be "lays" or "lies", probably "lays" though. I really liked this one though, very sweet, and I'm such a sap for romantic stuff like this piece. Nice job! ^^