Together

very personal experiences

Through the pain in my soul

and the tears in my eyes

I sink to my knees

and look to the sky

I scream out to God

to tell me why

but my voice is drowned out

by my heart as it cries

 

Your voice echoes in my head

but fades with my heart

as I try to push the pain away

with a razorblade so sharp

 

Fade away O heart of mine

and bleed out all the pain

Darkness shrouds the world surrounding

and tortures me with shame

If you could see me laying here

this poor pathetic soul

I wonder if you'd question why

you'd ever loved me at all

 

Behind my eyes the darkness deepens

as do the cuts I bear

I say "this is it, this is the end"

thats when I see you standing there

 

My head starts spinning as I fall to the ground

Could this be all a dream?

As you sit down there beside me and say

"all is not as it seems"

 

You take the razor from my hands

and cut your arm times two

And say to me "I also bleed

but I too live on for you"

 

I turn my head to look at your face

and can't believe my eyes

As you transform from just a soul

to my angel fallen from the skies

 

You touch my arm so gentle and warm

as the cuts they seem to fade

You help me up into your arms

and whisper "It's going to be ok"

 

But your strong features quickly fade

as you thank God that I'm alive

I wipe  the tears from your face

and say "for you I'd surely die"

 

Thats when the light shines all upon us

as dawn begins to break

and hand in hand we start to walk

towards the life together we'll make....

 

 

Reviews

[LonelySoul]

I'm not a big fan of bleeding,but I understand...why
this is my advice,I can only hope you take it.
as for your poem,
Well done,and I can see this being a song for...your generation,
altho I'm a bit old fashioned and prefer older rock-n-roll

tho the cut was well and deep
inside your soul the hell you keep
red betrays the pain inside
your eyes can't hide what you've denied
the lights in your heart
to make a new start
only you can know whats true
only you can make it shine through
live the life without regrets,
live to share and watch sunsets...

[Voice]

This is a wonderful piece. Your emotions come through clear enough for the reader to feel them as well. A lot of raw power behind your words. Great write!!

Voice

[Twilight]

Very emotional and filled with anguish, yet you end this poem in a positive way. With the final line, "towards the life together we'll make...", suggesting that you feel hope for the future; but only in partnership with that special someone.

"I scream out to God to tell me why". This line cries out to the protagonists' saviour, with a crucial question. Also, it made me question what has brought about the protagonist's dark and anguished state of mind? Although she craves for divine intervention of some kind, it is the humanity of a loved one who actually saves her from this emotional crisis. A crisis of the heart, or something darker still? Only the writer knows for sure. Thankyou, for sharing this with your fellow members of my Group, "Twilight's Disciples"!

[Syke]

very well done. The pain comes through along with the hope, but as flashes and strong impressions, but never specifics of direct details. The poem manages to truly express what it is trying to express, emotion, without clouding over with fragile images. There is conveyed a strong sense of images and feelings and thoughts, but not the images and thoughts themselves, it's very well done. It does however seem like there is a block, a haze, a fog keeping the emotion from flowing strongly, the poet attempting to be honest, but unwilling to reveal all. The beginning is probably the best part, it gives a feeling of, form, I actually had to double check rhyme and meter the poem seemed to flow so smoothly and consistently!

[Dimples87]

Wow, this piece was definitely strong and it came through. I loved the honesty of it and the dialogue was so poignant. The whole piece drew you in from the very first lines of it. I enjoyed this very much.

[Constance L. Hartwell]

I can feel your agonizing pain through your words. This poem is honest and real. Great job.