For my dear big brother,

It has been six years. Six years of wonder, anger, waiting, patience, confusion, and sadness. I have come to think I didn't have a brother or anyone who felt the things I did. I never thought about you. Not really. Not as I should have. You talked to me today with all your misspellings because you cant help but reach out to the only person who will talk to you like a human being. Just like I do. But I never thought about you. I will wail and sob over our neglecting father and ask why he wont love me. But I never thought about you. You live with him. Forced to abide by his way or be homless and broken. You felt the same even more so than I did. But, I never thought about you. You were a little boy who had dad's attention all the time. Way to go, son. Thats it. Just like your dad. I neve thought about it. Never thought you endured the abuse at a young age by the evil nanny like I did. Never thought that you too were damaged. Never thought you went to therapy like I did. You were forced to take pills like I was. You were neglected by dad like I was. You were treated bad by mom like I was. You too felt pain and confusion. I made it worse. In my anger at dad I lashed out at you. I made life hard for you. I confused you. I took so much from you, my dear big brother. But I never thought of you. You feel pain too. First dad wouldn't talk to you then all the attention of our mom went to our sister and me. The poor broken boy who knows how I feel exactly. You found ways to be happy with out help. I admire you. You still call me your sister. You know what our dad is like and you'll answer all my questions. You know what its like. You were more alone than I ever thought I was and yet you overcame everything. You did all the things I could not and I never thought of you. You miss us. You still love us.
I dont blame you for the years of fights. I dont blame you for being angry at me. I dont blame you for anything. Not anymore. I did. Not even thinking you went through the same if not worse hell that I went through. You understand. I'm so sorry. I should have you in my thoughts always. In the end you were the one standing there trying to reach me and like everyone else who threw you to the curb, I had my back to you.
Can you ever forgive my blindness, dear brother?
I am blind no more. I love you.
Please come home.