Journey

Dad and I spent 2 years together trying to hunt Rain down. I got very good at behaving like an armadillo. I had mastered their walk, their gaze. Their pentameter. Which became my new favorite word after reading some very old books. For those two years I had time to rest, heal, practice meditation and mindfulness and most importantly I had time to come to terms with life as it was. Every day it felt like we got a little closer to my sister Every day we were 2 paces behind. But we had to return for new orders every month, and when we did we had to bring some new soul in with us to become one of the militarized Armadillos. Often times all of our effort to find a person, capture them, detain them, and bring them in, resulted in another corpse for The Company.
The elites called their shimmering glass tower “The Corporation” and it was there that Armadillos were born, elites could mingle, and the fate of the rest of the world was decided.
In those two years I had learned a few things. First, this world continues to be an ugly, unfulfilled, and terrifying waste. Second, love is the most beautiful thing we have.
And finally, Elites eat some disgusting things.
After those two years of learning, growing, and adventuring with Dad (a whole book of its own really. A story I hope to tell some day.) I began wondering if Rain didn’t want to be found. We had found trails from her. Be it her fist imprinted on a broken down hunk of drywall, or her heavy boot-prints in the shifting sand. She seemed to always know we were coming. Maybe she could sense me, the way I could sense her. On a particularly hot day trudging through Death Valley I knelt down and touched her boot print. We couldn’t be more than a mile away. I stood and dusted myself off. Dad was behind me, sweating in the sun. I shouted my sister’s name. My tongue was dry and coated in fine dust when I closed my mouth again.
We proceeded with our tracking. And came up on a small town. One that Dad mentioned he saw her at frequently in the past. I slowed us down, assuming that maybe we could watch her move through the town from a hill above it. He agreed and we sat on a large flat stone burning our asses and looking for her. She ducked into a collapsing building with ease and confidence. It made my heart jump to see her but I recognized her immediately. Not many other women, even in the end times, would keep their hair that short willingly and constantly. And not many would ever have her musculature. She was alone. I quietly slid down the dune and crept up toward the building she was hiding in. Then I heard her. “Dirt, leave me alone. Go away.” I paused. “Rain, I’m so glad you’re-“ she turned to look at me with such a sharp glare that it cut my soul.
“Go away Dirt. I want nothing to do with you or our family. Still showed me how wrong we were about everything. Absolutely everything.” She was wearing the same suit I was.

Something was very wrong here. “Still promised me food, shelter, work, and her undying loyalty and admiration. All I had to do was complete a quest. Bring another wandering worm in to be saved. The elites? They want all of us to be taken care of and not to worry anymore. They’ll keep us safe!” my face was burning. I closed my eyes and inhaled 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. Exhaled 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Again, in, expanding the belly. Out, squeezing tight at the end. She looked at me like I was insane. But now I could begin to process without the anger. “Rain, I love you. I understand that you believe what they are doing is helpful. Everyone is fed. Everyone is clothed and safe. And that all sounds great. But are you free? Are you happy? Are you able to look back on your life and think that you did the best you could do and were proud of your actions? At the end of the day do you rest comfortably? Or do you think about the dumpster of corpses at The Corporation? And the children being ripped from their families? Do you imagine the moment I slaughtered the first Armadillo to lay eyes on you?” and that was a step too far. She hadn’t processed her own trauma yet. She stared at me, trembling. “Go away Dirt, or I’ll bring you in. You fraud.” I took a step back. “DAD!” I called out through the doorway. In a flash he was down the hill standing in the doorway looking at his kids and silently sobbing. He pulled us both in for a hug and Rain stared.