�A Ray Of Son�

If I had a son
I’d call him Patrick
He’d be blue eyed and smile wide
He’d fall about laughing while learning to stand up straight
I’d slowly reveal the world around him and explain about the sky and stars
We’d look to the moon with the lights turned off every night before bedtime
All helping to stretch his imagination way beyond the need for a television education

We’d be best friends, but understand that he is son and I am Dad
He’d get upset at my ‘unfair’ demands, sulk and then agree with me as we both shake hands
Every morning a breakfast together of toast, cereal and real orange juice with bits
All ready for another exciting day of house work, playtime and maybe a chocolate milkshake
We’d explore the garden for tiny creatures scurrying and interesting pebbles to collect in his bucket
And out in the backyard we’d find thick hedges with secret hiding places
And giggle behind our hands as Nan tried desperately to find us

When we are walking he’d ask me endless questions that I hope that I could answer
If not, then we’d find an explanation later in an encyclopaedia or on computer
Counting would be fun with buttons and bottle tops, chalk then a calculator
He wouldn’t want to stop at a hundred as a thousand is too easy peasy
He’d love cartoons and understand their friendship- he gets that from me
He’d sneakily drink milk from the bottle when no one is looking- that’s what I used to do too
I’d love every hair on his head and keep him safe from harm
Protect him forever even when he’s left home and has children of his own
And as the day fades I pray to whoever that I’m so happy that he was made…

But today I sit and wish that he could be around
As it’s probably never going to happen now
I’ll never know how it feels for real
So I hold myself back from tears
Of men that will never exist.
 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Joseph - Michael]

I have a son. He was unexpected, somehow I fell in love with him and I'm very happy to have him as my own son. When I first read the first line; "If I had a son" It gave me some thinking the other way around "If I never had a son" I don't know why and I don't want to think about it, because I can't imagine what kind of person I'd be if I never had a child. About that line; "So I hold myself back from tears" I truly do agree with that, I mean, I'll admit that I hide my feelings and carry around the secrets that have never been told

Anyway, this is a real heartwarming and at the same time, a real heartbreaking. I don't know how to tell you this, but all I can say that it sure is well written piece you got there and you got my attention. So, it's all good here...

[ah]

im extremely curious about ur last stanza about you saying that you're probably never going to have a son... it sounds like your doctor said that you have a condition or something, at least thats how i interpret it... this is a great write, i really enjoyed it and thank u very much for sharing

[M Lamont]

This is just wonderful. I talk with a friend of mine, in great length sometimes, about the kids we won't have. We imagine what our child would look like, how they will be at 6, 13, 18, 30. We get excited, happy but never too sad or regretful. This poem reminds me of that rollercoaster of thoughts. Great job!

[Marlton]

Great work.

It captures moments I've had with other people's kids perfectly, when in playing with them you suddenly find out how you'd parent, and surprise yourself at the realisation.

Thomas [one of David's children] often gets confused and calls me 'Daddy' which is always poignant, and the end of day with them can often feel like your last verse.

SMH X

[Chris Bighorse]

It's hard the extend the idea of "if" throughout a lot of the poem. Through your elborate painting I forget that there never was a son. By the end I was playing around with my own ideas of what it would be like to have a child so the ending came around as a surprise, even though you start off the poem with ''if I had a son".

He'd fall about laughing while learning to stand up straight

I liked this line the best. So childlike in it's useage, and so surprisingly amazing, it's hard not to let the image burst in your memory. It was hard not to laugh. There's so much content within this simple line. I think the line before it can be edited out. There's so much happening in the first to lines and the fourth, the third one seems a little out of place. Unfortuneately, that's my only suggestion. This poem has an excellent structure, starting quickly into a reverie and then becoming airy as the dream becomes sharper and then abrupt language as the dream is realized. I would very much like to have a son. This dream sometimes comes to me at odd times and I find myself trying to see the mother more often than not. I know my son is my son. I just want to know who his mother is. Whoa, sorry, this is about you. I really enjoyed reading this. It's an excellent poem, striding into a topic well traversed in the human condition, but written so eagerly and passionately. Great write.

[TL Boehm]

ok, I have to go hug my boy now. Your poem was that powerful. I have felt this way about girls because I will never get the opportunity to have one. Child bearing is a finite thing. This is beautiful - heartwrenching poetry.

[Gary H]

Thats a really good piece. I feel a lot of Morrissey inspiration came to this - the name Patrick? The sadness reminds me of my daughter and I wonder where she is. I had dreams along the same lines but these vanished with her mother.
I guess a son brings different feelings and interests. For you, I think you have an endearing caring side that would make an excellent father. Don't despair though, you never know what opportunities will come around.

[Rod Zinkel]

I can relate to the sentiment. It first struck me as a powerful one when I saw the movie The Life Aquatic. One possibility, just something to experiment with to see what kind of effect, is to write all of it as past tense except for the last stanza, and leaving off the first line. I think it would be more powerful as the reader would think it all has happened, then to find it hasn't happened at all. As I read through the descriptions I forgot the first line of "If I had a son."

[R J Askew]

'If I had a son' made me blink. I don't get moved very often by much that I read -- other than in my head -- but things about kids do touch me more deeply. I have two sons, a fact I never really think about. So the first line of your poem makes me think anew of my situation, how how lucky I am. It is easy to take kids for granted maybe and not realise it. So the poem is a welcome jolt to me.

The first verse seems to tumble out in one burst and just feels 'right'. It is an honest expression of a natural wish. The second and third verses develop and indulge the dream with great sensitivity and there is nothing artificial or made up about them. The last verse is tinged with sadness as you mourn what may not be. From an outsider's view point there is another sadness to it as it is clear that you would make an excellent father. Any son would be lucky to have you to bring them up.