Farmer Tales

 

The alarm rings,

The hands are coming soon,

Milking my sins,

Those f*****g Moses tablets I forgot to swallow,

I am heavenly Lactose and I can't tolerate life so,

So my cow is black,

Its heart is froze,

 

On my farm pigs fly,

And white children pick cotton,

I whip them for amusement,

A sort of emotional profit,

We all have are own vices,

What isn't there left for me to tell you,

 

I hope you don't read for nothing more than words.

 

 

Reviews

[Emel Kay]

I think the second stanza stands well on its own, and doesn't need much comment. It's the first stanza I want to talk about:
The alarm rings,
The hands are coming soon,
Milking my sins,
Those f*****g Moses tablets I forgot to swallow,
I am heavenly Lactose and I can't tolerate life so,
So my cow is black,
Its heart is froze,

First, I want to suggest putting a period at the end of this first stanza (to read 'Its heart is froze.'), merely because it will solidify the stanza on its own, which is sexy. Secondly, I very much enjoy you using the cow as the golden calf, and making sure the reader knows that it is quite opposite of golden, in fact black. You made a piece here very full of magics, and that's refreshing. Often times "poets" (yea, I effin hate them) use contradictions within their poetry and think that it means a whole lot, like "my dry crying eyes" or "the burning cold bright night sky" or some such. And you do use contradictions here, but it's not the same. You don't do it because you are thinking that we'll take it as clever as readers, or because you don't have anything of value to say, you're doing it for another cause, and I am so happy that you are.

Now, that last line...I like it, but it doesn't fit. I don't mean it doesn't fit because of its purpose, or because of its isolation. I mean it doesn't fit because of the dialect. I understand the use of two negatives, but it makes it seem backwoodsy (not in a bad way) whereas the rest of the piece isn't in that language. I think it's important to include, so I'd suggest just working out how to phrase it to fit the rest of the piece, or change the language in the piece to make that last line hold. Of course, you could also just leave it be, and let it stick out as a different voice, which is a good idea also, it's just something I noticed.

as always, a good job.

[S.E. Conway]

very nice wording.

[Legion]

I assure you my good man, pigs that fly will not stay on a farm. :)

Good piece.

[[untitled]]

This one got a big belly laugh out of me!
Great word smithing.
Back soon for more for sure.
JKC