Farmer Tales

 

The alarm rings,

The hands are coming soon,

Milking my sins,

Those f*****g Moses tablets I forgot to swallow,

I am heavenly Lactose and I can't tolerate life so,

So my cow is black,

Its heart is froze,

 

On my farm pigs fly,

And white children pick cotton,

I whip them for amusement,

A sort of emotional profit,

We all have are own vices,

What isn't there left for me to tell you,

 

I hope you don't read for nothing more than words.

 

 

Reviews

[Emel Kay]

I think the second stanza stands well on its own, and doesn't need much comment. It's the first stanza I want to talk about:
The alarm rings,
The hands are coming soon,
Milking my sins,
Those f*****g Moses tablets I forgot to swallow,
I am heavenly Lactose and I can't tolerate life so,
So my cow is black,
Its heart is froze,

First, I want to suggest putting a period at the end of this first stanza (to read 'Its heart is froze.'), merely because it will solidify the stanza on its own, which is sexy. Secondly, I very much enjoy you using the cow as the golden calf, and making sure the reader knows that it is quite opposite of golden, in fact black. You made a piece here very full of magics, and that's refreshing. Often times "poets" (yea, I effin hate them) use contradictions within their poetry and think that it means a whole lot, like "my dry crying eyes" or "the burning cold bright night sky" or some such. And you do use contradictions here, but it's not the same. You don't do it because you are thinking that we'll take it as clever as readers, or because you don't have anything of value to say, you're doing it for another cause, and I am so happy that you are.

Now, that last line...I like it, but it doesn't fit. I don't mean it doesn't fit because of its purpose, or because of its isolation. I mean it doesn't fit because of the dialect. I understand the use of two negatives, but it makes it seem backwoodsy (not in a bad way) whereas the rest of the piece isn't in that language. I think it's important to include, so I'd suggest just working out how to phrase it to fit the rest of the piece, or change the language in the piece to make that last line hold. Of course, you could also just leave it be, and let it stick out as a different voice, which is a good idea also, it's just something I noticed.

as always, a good job.

[Nicholas Hallows]

Ah... this is really good. I really like the biblical references you use and the play on words.
After reading Farmer Tales II I have come to the conclusion you have a very interesting farm.
I think Emel Kay raises some valid points in the featured review.
Words are always enough for me - but words used with skill and for reason are even better.
Good stuff!

[Lori]

I could picture a wonderfully surreal painting when reading this. It really shows a sense of humor with the unusual connections and twisting of simple phrases.

[Collette]

the dirty cowboy.?

[Jason]

oh, the irony I hear in this piece...it a dream place of undertones and symbolism and...flying pigs!

[Mark Pearce]

I get nips and tucks of flow and then I'm wisked off to somewhere else.

It's a fun journey.

I don't know if I like the concluding line or not. It begs the experience a bit. Tough decision.

[Emily B]

Oh, my! This is quite an intriguing write. One of the kind that you have to come back and read again. It was recomended to me, I can't remember by who, now. Great write!

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

I agree with Orlando - sounds like a foreboding place. Very intriquing words set to a succinct and vivid format.
Light,
Siddartha

[R J Askew]

Yikes, I would not like to trespass on this farmer's land by accident!

[W.k.kortas]

Trods around and on the line of tongue-in-cheek and dark just-still humor all the time. Mixes amusing and grim imagery, chucking them together with a damn-the-torpedos nonchalance. Affecting and interesting write.