All Alone

All Alone

“I told you I will be fine, it’s all in the past,” I said talking to my sister on the phone. “I am not going to snap on anyone again.”

I heard my sister sigh over the phone, she sounded worried and unsure about my statement. “I just want you to be safe, Leah.”

“A little time to myself will do me some good,” I said in a reassuring voice. I smiled wishing she could see how sure I look. “I promise I will be home soon.”

“Ok,” there came another sigh, “just be safe, okay?”

“Ok sis, love you, I really do,” I ended the call, I could hear a sob rising in her voice and I couldn’t handle hearing that. I loved my sister and my family but I couldn’t stay around any longer, I knew I would end up hurting them.

As soon as I got into the car I opened one of the bottles of whisky.  I was trying to drink away what was left with the memory. Still clear in my mind, the feeling of a helpless persons neck within the grasp of my nimble hands, i drank. I could still feel how left they felt and how numb my body felt at that second. I didn't have a care in the world. I mentally shook myself to forget that night that seemed like just yesterday. I left my sister and my mother, it was just an accident, I repeated over and over in my head. For the truth I wasn’t planning to come back, I couldn’t tell them that. I stopped at a gas station and got two bottles of whisky and went on the road again. I was heading for the coast, and I didn’t know what I was going to do when I got there.

The night air was cool and crisp as I arrived at a small diner for something to eat. A waiter walked up, looking half asleep and smelled of the cigarette she was smoking only moments before I arrived, I gave her my order and she went on to give it to the cook. He was a tall scary looking guy that had a quaint smile. The waiter sat down a cup of coffee and I drank it in small sips. ‘they know what you did’ a voice inside my head said. ‘They think you are crazy’ the voice continued. ‘No they don’t’ I just shook my head, trying to look normal. I watched as the waiter came up with my food. ‘They know what you did, you have to kill her’. I cleared my throat, “Thank you miss,” I said nicely. I had to get rid of this annoying rambling of my voice. I ate what I could, left a tip, then left.

Still trying to chase my thoughts of doing that away, I started driving down the road, ‘why didn’t you kill them!’ the voice sounded mad at me. I took another drink of that harsh liquid. I couldn’t handle this much yammering in my head. They will go away, that’s what the doctor is thinking. They did know what I did. They were judging me if they could of they would have killed me right there. I shook my thought out of my head and took another drink.

I took a few more before i started to feel tired and a bit buzzed, so i decided to pull over at a motel and stay there for the night. I went and paid for my room, got my key, then fell asleep. I was happy to have a peaceful nights rest but it felt like was instantly thrown into the past. I was a young child at the age of ten. I was such an odd child, not many friends, no one to talk to. I saw an image of me at school, i was sitting alone on the playground, I was talking to myself and humming a tune i knew at the time, but now i can not think of what it is, then a girl, that looked about my age, walked over. She started taunting me, calling me a freak, telling me i was a loser. I blinked away tears of that memory of so long ago, when i was just a child. The pain was still fresh from that day, that was so long ago. As i covered my face with my hands, sobbing, they continued on there rain of taunts and teasing. It fast forward to when i was in middle school, i was sitting alone at the lunch table, eating my lunch. Then suddenly I piece of food hit me on my chest. I noticed i was wearing a new T-shirt at the time. Everyone started laughing at me, calling me petty means, like freak and trash. I started crying, even now i can’t understand why everyone hates me. Then the seen jumped to the first day of my third year of highschool. I was still sitting by myself then a girl walked up and sat down. She looked about my age and she looked nice. As soon as she said, “Hi,” the memory jumped to random memories of her and I being friends. It kept of going and going until it came to the day i killed her.

We were in my room, an argument started between us. It was over my bad drinking habits, i just went through a bad break up. I started drinking to help numb the pain a little. I would talk it from my mom and dad or have someone buy it for me.  She started yelling at me that i was nothing but a freak and weird. Even in my dream i started to feel numb, I couldn’t think of nothing else then hushing her annoying taunting. When my hands wrapped around her neck i felt nothing but white fire inside of me, there was no remorse in my mind or my heart. I took pleasure from her soul leaving her body. When the cops came i played it off as self defence, that she was trying to kill me, so i killed her before she could. They believed me, why wouldn’t they, i was the only witness. My mom was at work and my sister was at her friends. I watched the cops come, there was no reason that i would kill her, other than she said she was going to do it first. I closed my eyes, i covered my face. The pain from the memory was too much to handle, my knees gave out under me. I screamed, “Go away!” to the sound of the memories that were still playing loud. I could hear her parents crying, i heard my mother say i need help. “Why!?” i screamed to myself. “Why are you doing this to me?!” i started sobbing as i watched my life get darker and darker. In the past 3 years i went through counseling and abuse from other people and myself. It seemed like i never had a happy day after that, i was always sad.

I was suddenly awakened by an annoying tapping. I got up and walked to the door. When i opened the door, the man i paid for the room was standing there. “Is everything okay?” he asked looking concerned.

“Yes, why?” I asked confused.

“I heard you screaming, I was making sure you are okay,” he said.

‘He knows, he is judging you, he thinks you are crazy,’ my thoughts started coming back. ‘No, he is just concerned’, I thought to myself. ‘I see judging in his eyes, why would he think anymore of you than how much of a stupid freak you are’, ‘Good point why would he?’ I thought, then chased it away.

“Would you like to come in and have a drink?” I asked, unsure of why I asked. “I can’t sleep, so why not share a drink with someone.”

“Sure, I’d love one,” he said.

“Please come in,” I said motioning him in. There were two chairs by my bed. I little table sat in between them, I placed two glass cups that were in my bag on the small table. He sat down at one

of the chairs and I poured him a drink. I big boom of thunder made me jump slightly. This was the first time I noticed it was raining, and the man’s dark brown hair was soaked. I finished pouring the drinks and sat down.  

“I’m Leah, I believe i told you when i first checked in,” I said taking a sip.

“Yes, I remember. I am Adam McBownie, but you can call me Adam,” he said with a nod, then taking a drink. He stared at me with wondering eyes. He looked as if he was thinking of something, but what? ‘He knows, he is thinking about what a freak you are’. My mind jumped to that thought but quickly backed away.

“Adam,” I nodded with a small smile. He smiled back, his eyes took a big glance over my body before returning to my eyes. ‘What is he staring at,’ I thought to myself.  I cleared my throat and stared at him back. I watched his body movements, I made sure he didn’t try to hurt me.’He thinks you are a freak, he thinks you are weird, kill him, kill him and make him pay for what he is thinking!’ The voice in my head screamed at me. I pushed it away as much as i could, but it was starting to get too loud. ‘Go away!’ I screamed to my yelling voice. ‘Do it, or are you too weak,’ it said in a harsh tone. ‘I can’t, he’s too nice,’ I tried to explain to myself.

“So, tell me, where are you from?” he asked. I stopped arguing with myself in my head and continued to talk to him.

“I’m from Alabama, I was driving over to the east coast,” I said.

“Why, what are you doing so far away from home?” he asked.

“Running away from my past, I guess,” I said. “I just got tired of the same old thing.”

“Hmm, I understand what you mean,” he said leaning back in his chair and crossing his legs. “But it’s weird, you traveling all alone.” Something inside me snapped, hearing that word made my blood started pumping.

“What did you call me,” I said behind clenched teeth.

“N-,” before he could finish the words I hit him in the face with the bottle of whisky. The force of the blow made him hit the flood, The sound of the rain hitting to roof was like a sweet melody to my burning rage. He groaned in pain, as i wrapped my hands around his throat. My mind flashed back to when this was happening with my best friend, when she called me a freak, when she called me weird. I just wanted to shush his annoying noise. My hands kept on squeezing around his throat, until his eyes went blank and his body felt lifeless.

Tears formed in my eyes as i stood looking down at his lifeless body. I fell to the floor, and pressed my knees up to my chest. I covered my face with my hands. I shook my head back and forward not believing this happened again. I stood up and packed my stuff in the car. I left a note saying i was deeply sorry and i left it on Adam’s body. I choked back a sod as i got in the car and sped off.

I drove until i found i rock bluff that, i studied up on in high school. I stood on the edge looking down, my eyes filled with tears as i stood there. Wind hit me from all sides and rain soaked my clothes. ‘Freak!’ My voice in my head shouted. I had to stop my voices from talking to me like that. I had to stop everything from making noise. I cried as i held my hands out. I felt rain hit my face, i breathed in deep, moist air hit my lungs. The voices shouted and screamed in my head calling me a freak and a loser, I leaned over the cliff and started to fall. That was the first time in a long time, my head was completely clear.   

Reviews

[Chaos X 3]

I liked your short story. First, let me be the first to admit that I am a spelling Nazi, but that aside, it was a good little blurb. It had a really good beginning, a beginning that grips the reader is key. I think that you also left a lot of avenues open in this piece where you could expand or elaborate on why she feels the way she does. I think that a little elaboration would make the readers empathize more with the main character.
BUT
The story is still good without adding to it. Good job.

[Stephanie]

Thanks for the tip!