Day 5

So again I'm trying to write and I can't. I got a total of 5 sentences yesterday, and that took about 4 hours.

The problem is that every sentence I can hear my critics. Every sentence I can hear their voice and their wide-eyed expression or their pointing fingers or their proud look for seeing the wrong. And then I feel stupid and I see how many people would just finally be like, yeah you couldn't cut it. Or else they wouldn't even care. I do have a great writing group though, very supportive and they'll help me continue. 

I saw a great Ted Talk on procrastination with Tim Urban, and in it he talked about monkey mind and rational mind. The damn monkey mind is all about instant gratification, which is why he is the enemy of getting work done, because working sucks. It's no fun, and writing work promises very little gratification, or at least that's what you can easily tell yourself as you are working. The solution, according to Tim Urban, is the panic monster. When you get too close to the deadline, the panic monster gears up and gets everybody freaked out. 

But what do you do when you don't have a deadline? Or when you're deadline in my case isn't real? Is just a f*****g joke and you were pressured into paying this class anyway? Well, Tim Urban made a point: look at your life as boxes. You don't have that many boxes. Time is running out. I think I'm sore right now, well, just wait, hoo boy. 

So, I think what I need to do is put on music, put on music that is not connected to the laptop. And then I'll write it. But what I think I'm going to try is one of those write or die websites to keep myself writing. Or maybe I could make the text white so it doesn't kill me to read over my damn work. 

But I'm tired so I'm going to make a coffee and then start writing.