Maybe One Day

A poem about today

I wrote a song, about you

if it wasn't for my inability to write haikus , or sing the blues. 

i would have done those two.

It started with me missing you , wishing you were here and with me, that i could tell you everything i was thinking and you would finally understand what goes on in my head.

I threw that one out.

 

It started with wishing the pain to go away, wishing life to stop and everything around me to rot. Wishing for a better life, where i got what i really deserved. 

I there that one out. 

It started with the idea of you with someone else, the words i uttered in love to you herd by another. It turned my rage into anger my anger into despair, and my despair into death. I had realized in that moment.

I had lost myself more then I had lost you.

I was now sitting in my room trying not to stare to hard at every little thing that gave me an ounce of memory of you. Then i closed my eyes and then i realized myself reminded me of you.

I wanted then and there to take the blade against my skin and drain you out of me, ever ounce of blood on my floor to see you gone. I wanted to cut so deep that when you found out you would leave to make it easier for me. I rather you had hate me then tried to love me as a mere friend. Then i remembered you, and your eyes, your eyes in pain, when i told you i had cut. I put the blade down, along with my emotions. I wasn't the same after that moment .

It made me realize how attached I am to you, and how much power you had to make me happy and how out of control i will now be without you.

SO here is a cheers to the new Stefen . He's dead.

Dead and alive, and maybe one day ... 

maybe one day I'll be Stefen again.