Innocence lost

Still not sure if it was meant as prose poetry

Cursed with temper, my trust betrayed -
Where in madness my pleased Heart strayed
To let proud Jealousy rule all alone
Setting alight the immortal throne?
The charming fiend is often polite,
And a kind Heart gentleness did invite:
A thriving plan of ignoble decay
That a weakened Heart cannot blow away.
A cloak of righteousness he wore:
That the Heart might bow and folly Self adore.
Then roaring Anger came, to swallow all,
A smile, a tear, the jealous thrall,
Bargaining sleepless nights and misshapen days
That to another he might impose his sways.
Friendly Greed of gaudy minds
A question poses - the answer finds:
Was I not part of your utmost whole
Me, the thief who stole your soul?
Cursed temper, you made it clear
I was the slave of aching Fear.

Author's Note

NOTE: Please, do not review this piece anymore, there has already been enough constructive criticism. If you want to help me, review something else!

Reviews

[Dalton]

The abstract nature of this piece allows the reader to project his thoughts onto it.
I want to read a follow up, part 2, if one may be possible. If there is a part 2, perhaps it could juxtapose the first parts abstractness with concreteness.
"Friendly Greed of gaudy minds/ A question poses - the answer finds" - these lines are particularly beautiful; especially when spoken, there is such resonance between them.
Salute Stefano,
Dalton

[Stefano Segnan]

I always felt as if the poem was incomplete and that it still needs editing, so I could try to write a second part or just continue this one. Thank you for the suggestion!

[Davidgeo]

I know you're the twerp who spams me with the saying "verbal diarrhea"

Do it under your own name next time coward... you disgust me.

Fuggin Egomaniacs man... I just want to make a mess... you want to pretend you cleaned it up. Pathetic. Only one of us is real... and you ain't it Tiger.

[.]

Damn! This is very good, Stefano.

I am very familiar with your themes here, especially of anger and rage as a result of deception. Sometimes the gentle heart is preyed on by others. All we can do is steel it. And go on living.

Impressive work.

[Stefano Segnan]

Thank you for stopping by. More than deception created by fear... yes, lately I am focused on that issue, maybe I should change the subject a little (:

[V]

Interesting one, though somehow difficult to follow or to gain more from it (but only my opinion). But I like the last line, it sounds well written and thought over. And I think your flow could be smoother, the rhyming lines more matching, maybe.

[Stefano Segnan]

I agree that the structure could be smoother, after all it is a poem I wrote long ago, when I loved to write in the most abstract way possible. I try to pay more attention on that now.
Thank you very much for the review.

[V]

You're welcome.

[Rye]

Wow, another bold write, Love it. Loved those last 6 lines the best.
You are a very talented writer, enjoy your writes. keep penning always.

[Stefano Segnan]

I appreciate your support! Yes, those last 6 lines were written a couple of days after the rest, which may be the reason for the shift in rhythm and structure.

[Nisreen]

Amazing

Temper is fear of the highest degree
Something about your words reads like a storyline of trust being betrayed
The wrath one can experience can destroy all

[Stefano Segnan]

A vortex of all the destructive emotions. Thank you for reading and reviewing

[Terry O'Leary]

An intriguing, sinuous journey... nice write

[Stefano Segnan]

Thank you for the time you invested in this poem

[paddy d daly]

I enjoyed your poem, Great depth of
feeling with a nice flow too, look
forward to reading more.

[Stefano Segnan]

I am glad this poem was able to captivate your interest. Thank you for reviewing

[JustaManWithaPen]

Exellent truly a fantastic read keep up the good work

[Stefano Segnan]

Thank you for the support

[Aimloce Greyfield]

While i will have to read it over and over again, this is another amazing piece. Am learning something in your every poem. Keep the work going brother!

[Stefano Segnan]

Thank you (: