Perfection?

I'm not quite sure if I like it or not... Comments? Ideas?

Your words settled down at the start of a storm

They followed their path as your heart took its form

I dared reminisce of the times we were warm

I’ve never before thought I’d see you transform

The days I was young were so bleak and lonely

Never once thought I would see you transform me

Mistaken I was, I returned to the sea

You said always be happy, I disagree

I need to feel the sadness inside of you

Feeling anything at all when I come through

Breaking hate barriers that once stuck like glue

I’ll hold tighter than any sorrow in you

Our time has given up, the sand hits the floor

You walk to the dirt road, till your heart’s restored

I’ve longed for such beauty, that beauty is yours

You left me forever, but that I’ll ignore

I lay in the field wishing you were still here

Your hands cold and lonely is what I still fear

Perfume on my shoulder is my souvenir

The truth to your perfection, is still unclear

Reviews

[Miss Marie Riorden.]

I love the ending. That's one thing that catches my eye
"I lay in the field wishing you were still here
Your hands cold and lonely is what I still fear
Perfume on my shoulder is my souvenir
The Truth to your perfection, is still unclear"
I think the only thing I could tell you to do is to watch how many words you add to each line.
My english teacher is always telling us to go back and look at our poetry. Take out any words that might not be needed. I guess it's so it flows easier, but also so it makes more sense.
Although I really don't see anything wrong with this poem. The flow is great, maybe a tiny bit choppy in some parts, but that's it.
I love your rhyming scheme. Same sounds for each stanza at the end of the lines.
Once again. I like this one too.

-Marie Riorden-

[The Winter Grey]

.........Oh, man.

First of all I'd like to congratulate you on the effortless flow of this peace, that kind of rhythm is hard to nail down. The wordcraft is eye-catching, the imagery crackles, and the meaning crashes over the reader like a tidal wave. Really, genuinally exceptional.

[Death Girl]

amazing peom. This is the best poem that I have read so far today.

[Megan Marie]

"I lay in the field wishing you were still here
Your hands cold and lonely is what I still fear
Perfume on my shoulder is my souvenir"

so.incredibly.perfect

[Black]

love it really!
though it really is sad :(

[BlackStar]

Hmmm should I say another favourite? Well, yes, it is. First and foremost, I like the structure because it's the 2nd thing which caught my eye whilst reading such perfect words. Also, your rhyming is so natural - you really have talent and inspiration to write great poetry. Really. The only words which didn't really rhyme were 'lonely' and 'me' in the second stanza..and i think it depends how you read them...not sure. Otherwise, it's a great write which could easily be transformed into a song. well done!

[NinjaPi]

I think the form of this poem is interesting but I don't understand its purpose in relation to your words. Does it have purpose I relation to your words?
The flow of your words is very smooth. I feels like eating pudding reading your words. Your rhyme feels so natural, effortless almost. Great poem.

[Sher{alynn} Veron{ica}]

Imperfection seen through perfections eyes :)

[piggy]

I think its ok but the way you wrote it is kinda messy.