Once Upon A Time

" My Lord, our kingdom is falling. You must act now. Please, my Lord, you must make your decision now, " implored the Knight in a battered armor which is tainted with dried dark red blood while kneeling in front of the King.

The King closed his eyes wearily and said, " My loyal Knight, the poor children, I cannot do this to them. I cannot make this decision. My only son ... "

" You have to make this decision or else our Kingdom will be doomed. The people of our Kingdom must be protected. The children will save us all, " pleaded the Knight.

" The children are not ready to bear such a heavy burden. I will not send them to their death ! Now, leave this chamber ! " said the King angrily, his noble eyes filled with fury.

" As you wish, my Lord. But listen to me for a little while more. They are the Chosen Ones. They will have to fulfill their duty even though they have to give up their lives. Remember that the late King Martel had charged you with the responsibility to protect the Kingdom, " the Knight inclined his head, stood and walked out from the King's Chamber.

The King is left all alone in the stone cold chamber.

Reviews

[James Watts]

" My Lord, our kingdom is falling. You must act now. Please, my Lord, you must make your decision now, " implored the Knight in a battered armor which is tainted with dried dark red blood while kneeling in front of the King.( try a rewrite here.

" My Lord, our kingdom is falling. You must act now. Please, my Lord, you must make your decision now, " implored the Knight kneeling before the king, his armor battered and tainted with fresh blood. Just gives it some clarity and omits unnecessary words.)

The King closed his eyes wearily and said, (try to avoid the -ly adverb, especially tagged onto dialogue. Sometimes they can not be avoided, but for the most part they can.

Not a bad start.

[aaaa]

cool, you got me all curious. Can't wait to read more