19. Chocolate Moos

19

Chocolate Moos

 

I believe that your quality of life can be quite accurately judged by your biggest problem. Not necessarily the biggest but the problem you have that consumes you the most �" in this present moment. The one that takes up your time and frustrates you the greatest.

          For example if the thing that bothers you most �" right now, is the colour of your sports car, then it’s probably safe to assume you have a higher quality of life than someone who’s all consuming life issue is where the next meal will come from. And whilst I’m not a big advocate of living your life in comparison with how bad things could be, I do think it helps to add perspective every now then. For me this is most effective when I compare my current situation to a point in my own past, which was far worse. I’m lucky in some senses, no matter what problem I’m up against these days, I can find it within myself to smile and think well at least you’re not dragging Paul’s body down the stairs again… Which is nice.

 

         I’m awoken with a firm shake, two hands, one on each shoulder violently moving me forward and back. I groan and open an eye, Chloe is the perpetrator of my sleep and she’s dressed extremely smartly from the waist up. Blouse and formal jacket, from the waist down she is in her pyjama bottoms. “Time to get Emma ready she tells me.” She’s wearing more make-up than usual and her gothic norm has been toned down. “You look nice.” I say croakily, reaching out to her for affection. “I have that video call in five minutes.” Her voice has a little more stress in it than I’m used to. “You know you’re only half dressed right?” I reply tactlessly. She looks back at me with a mild glare, “Well I’ll be sat down at the computer, didn’t see the point in putting the suit pants on.” I laugh at her, she looks decidedly ridiculous but makes a well thought out point. I look up at the ceiling smiling and something hits me on the side of the head. “Ouch!” I throw Chloe, thrower of the missile a playful dirty look. “Emma, up and ready, now.” She says firmly fetching another laugh from me. It amuses me when she’s all stressed and bossy.

         I’m tired from the sleep I lost checking my social media page last night and as a result my head feels a little fuzzy, I stagger through to Emma’s room and pick her up from her cot. “Good morning my darling” I say in a hushed voice and gently kiss her on the forehead. As I take her into the hallway I hear Chloe shout “Ok I’m going live in thirty seconds please be as quiet as you can.” “You’re going to be great.” I shout back, recognizing her cry for quiet as a thinly veiled cry for encouragement. I love Chloe most of all when she’s like she is now, showing some vulnerability. Showing an ability to feel nerves and stress and other human emotions. I prefer it to the emotionless secret agent of the future I’m usually married to.

        Downstairs, I warm Emma’s food and think about preparing my own breakfast. Looking in the fridge, I’m greeted with a joyous sight. Chloe has bought in my favourite treat, ‘Chocolate Moos’. A chocolate mousse, high in calcium that we buy once a week as a treat for Emma. Fortunately for me they come in packs of two and I love them. Once a week I actually make time for it, sit alone and savour every mouthful. Every melting, airy, chocolatey piece of heaven. I remove one and put it on the side ready to devour.

       After I’ve fed Emma, I leave her in her high chair and run out to the car to take two of my Chlorpromazine. I then return to the house and prepare myself for my weekly chocolate indulgence. I take a teaspoon from the drawer and as I sit, mentally preparing myself for my treat, millimetres from opening the lid; Emma begins to cry… loudly. My shoulders slump and like a stroppy teenager, I throw my teaspoon onto the counter next to the unopened mousse.

        Holding my daughter in my arms I sway her left to right, bobbing up and down with my knees as I do. I gently shush her and carry her as far from where Chloe is as I can. I’m not sure what Emma’s issue is but it’s really griped her and she doesn’t shut up for an eternity. From where I’m stood with her, I can see my ‘Chocolate Moos’ looks like I’ll be eating you at the office then I think to myself, as I notice the clock getting close to the time where I need to start getting ready for work.

         Around half an hour later, Chloe comes downstairs. “Well,” I ask excitedly, Emma still in my arms. “How did it go?” She looks at me confidently, the nerves and stress of earlier have gone and my robo-bride is back, carrying her usual air of omniscience. “It went well.” She smiles, “I showed them the basics, they asked a few questions and they’re going to play with it for the day and get back to me.” “That’s great” I say striding over to her, I hand her Emma and kiss her on the cheek. “I have to get ready, Emma’s been fed.” I run upstairs and get dressed.

           The drive to work is relatively uneventful, I have my chocolate mousse on the passenger seat and I glance at it at every red light. It looks back at me seductively and I barely manage to resist the urge to tear it open and mash it into my face like a food-deprived Labrador. I’m purposely fifteen minutes early for work so that I can enjoy it alone in my office before my first session of the day. When I get there I take my jacket off and sit at my desk, the mousse in front of me. My mouth fills with saliva. I’m about to remove the lid when I realize I haven’t brought a spoon. Frustrated I stand up and march to the small kitchen shared by the entire office building.

           Inside the kitchenette a fellow YOT employee is stirring his morning coffee with a wooden disposable stirring stick. I open the cutlery drawer and to my shock and �" in all honesty, anger there are no spoons in it. I look at the man preparing his brew. “Morning” he says, after I catch his eye. “Where are all the spoons?” I ask abruptly. He gives me a funny look, bringing my rudeness to my immediate attention. “err,” he begins almost warily. “The tea-lady has taken them all for the tea round.” A disproportionate amount of frustration fills my head. “What, like a hundred spoons for one tea round?” I ask, the frustration showing in my voice. The man looks nervous and apologises in that typically British way. “Sorry, that’s just where they are. I don’t know…” He slinks away from me coffee in hand and leaves the kitchen. I grunt in frustration and look at my watch, five minutes until my first appointment. My date with whipped chocolate ecstasy will have to wait even longer.

          I hate to admit it but I’m a bad psychologist for the first session of the day. I should be listening to what my client is saying. Analysing their words and body language. In truth all I’m thinking about is the chocolate mousse now hiding in my drawer, the taste, the texture and the clever pun on the packaging. I even miss a lengthy and probably important story from the kid’s childhood because I’m busy wondering if the man who came up with ‘Moos’ instead of ‘Mousse’ received a suitable pay rise.

         Eventually the session ends and shortly after the tea lady arrives at my office, trolley in tow. “Tea or coffee love?” She asks, “Tea” I reply with a smile, suppressing an urge to shout at her and call her a “mousse ruining, spoon hoarding witch.” She makes the brew and places it on my desk. “You wouldn’t have a spare teaspoon would you?” I ask her as politely as possible. “Of course love,” she says as she retrieves one from her trolley and places it next to my tea. She leaves and I throw my hands in the air in a gesture of sheer elation. I can virtually taste the creamy, gooey chocolate loveliness of it as I remove it from the drawer, spoon in hand. Nothing can stop me now I think. I place my finger and thumb on the wrapper, ready to peel it. Just as I do, there’s a knock on my door, it swings open and Amare pops his head around the now open threshold.

           “Stewart” he says, “is now a bad time?” I look up at him. “Yes,” I want to shout, “it’s a really, really bad time.” I try to think of a nice way tell a friend to ‘f**k off and leave me alone with my mousse’ but nothing comes to mind and instead I smile and say “no it’s fine, come in.” Returning the mousse to the drawer and thinking this isn’t over, mousse.

         Amare has his usual broad smile and when he sits in front of me; I can tell from his facial expressions and hand movements that he’s excited to tell me something. “Are you alright Amare?” I ask, updating some notes on my laptop. “Very well, thank you brother.” He says in his deep, rich voice. I finish typing and look at him. “Anything specific or have you just popped in for a chat?” I ask the question already fully aware of the answer. “Well I’ve got some news.” He says, a common way of procrastinating over actually giving news. “Good or bad?” I reply my curiosity taking my mind away from my chocolate mousse for a fleeting moment. “Actually” he begins, “it is both good and bad.” I pause, partly to allow Amare to continue and partly to dream about the contents of my drawer.

          “Do you remember the other night, I told you about that kid I was struggling with, the one I couldn’t help?” Thinking about it I answer honestly. “Vaguely.” “You said you’d talk to them, see if you could help.” Amare is putting a fair amount of energy into his prompting and I can tell it means a lot to him. “Yeah of course” I say putting him at ease. “Well…” he smiles as though he’s about to shock me a little �" but in a pleasant way. “Back in prison.” He jerks his head backwards as he says it, as though prison is simply the adjoining room.

            I’m surprised by the aforementioned; Amare wouldn’t usually think something like this is good; he’d usually be greatly upset with news of this nature. Yet here he is telling me a kid he wants to help is going to prison and beaming at me like a Cheshire cat. “Prison?” I ask, “Prison… eighteen months.” He replies in a manner akin to telling me he’d got my drink order wrong.

            “Ok,” my words ooze out of my mouth slowly and cautiously. “I understand how that’s bad news but how is it also good news?” “Aha!” He exclaims, waving a finger in the air and leaning forward. “It’s good news because I spoke to the bossman and he says that now the two of you will have sessions as standard. It won’t be extra for you” He sits back again looking positively chuffed with himself. My response is again slow; I’m still a little confused. “But I said I’d talk to him anyway.” Amare isn’t listening he’s already stood up. “Well, I won’t keep you any longer.” He says making his way to my office door. Part of me wants to stop him and ask him to clarify but the overruling part lets him go, knowing that I’m an Amare exit away from chocolate heaven. “Ok, see you soon.” I say with a hidden glee, standing and marching over to the door. It’s barely shut and I lock it behind him. I’m filled with relief as I walk back to my desk and open the drawer. I take my chocolate treat out and put my mobile phone in. Close my laptop and place the mousse in front of me, readying the spoon for deployment. Nothing at all can stop me now… nothing. I peel the lid back, breaking the airtight seal. I feel my cheeks rise involuntarily, a smile taking over my face. The spoon slides into the aerated cocoa and lifts it to my mouth.

          The taste is exquisite, sweet and creamy. The texture soft and comforting, with the first mouthful I feel a weight of frustration and anger lift from me. It’s because of this that I start to laugh. A giggle at first but one that slowly builds into roaring, heartfelt laughter. I’ve been through a lot over the years, killed a man, felt a small amount of guilt and responsibility for the murder of two young girls, confessed how I feel to the love of my life and watched her walk out of my life forever. Even now, I self-medicate for a problematic case of insanity and I’m ninety-nine percent sure that I have a dangerous young man stalking me.

            But I believe that your quality of life can be quite accurately judged by your biggest problem. Not necessarily the biggest but the problem you have that consumes you the most �" in this present moment. Whilst I think about Paul, Izzy, Sarah and Rachel every passing day, today the thing that’s consumed me the most, the thing that’s bothered me more than anything else is that I’ve had to wait longer than usual to eat my ‘Chocolate Moos’. And as I sit in my office, my mouth covered in chocolate, I find that hilarious.                        

              

 

 

Reviews

[AprilRN1210]

I found this one delightfully refreshing.. It was what you needed.. It made me see family life a little more, it added a playful side to him and it made me LAUGH... thoroughly enjoyed this addition.. Oh my goodness, I will never look at chocolate mousse the same again... Well done... few things, I am not a grammar expert, just stating my opinion... (for what that is worth..)


1. Not necessarily the biggest (,) but the problem you have that consumes you the most (,) in this present moment. (I would actually leave out "in this present moment-you don't really need it here)

2. For example(,) if the thing that bothers you most(,) right now, is the colour of your sports car, then it’s probably safe to assume you have a higher quality of life than someone who’s all consuming life issue is where the next meal will come from.

3. For me (,) this is most effective when I compare my current situation to a point in my own past, which was far worse.

4. I can find it within myself to smile and think(,) well at least you’re not dragging Paul’s body down the stairs again

5. and she’s dressed extremely smartly from the waist up. (two adverbs aren't better than one..lol.. definitely wouldn't describe the way is woman is dressed this way)

6. “Ouch!” I throw Chloe, thrower of the missile a playful dirty look. (using "throw" and "thrower" right there threw me off.. you could just leave that part off and say--I throw chloe a playful... or call her missile launcher or something.. makes you stumble here)


ok wheeeew. sorry.. just trying to help.. I really did enjoy this addition.. :)