12. My Nineteenth

12

My Nineteenth

 

I’m turning nineteen today, still not even twenty and yet I’ve experienced a great deal. I’m incredibly thankful for this; some people live their whole lives without really undergoing anything. Even in the last year, I’ve experienced love at first sight, lived in a foreign country, made great friends, tragically lost great friends and gotten away with murder. It’s a list of highs and lows, but what a year.

                Of course dear readers as the murderers amongst you will know; the phrase ‘gotten away with murder’ is somewhat deceiving. Whilst I’m living proof that it is indeed possible in a justice-avoidance sense, you never really ‘get away with it’, certainly not on a personal or psychological level. With a secret that size, it’s only natural that you’re affected. Paranoia, episodes of mild psychosis and insomnia just a few of the punishments, life’s way of doing what the legal system failed to. Today though it’s my birthday and I have arranged to cook dinner for some of my friends, keeping myself busy allows me to regain a level of control mentally and always makes me feel better.

                 On the guest list tonight are Rachel, Chloe and Amare. I’d not invited Dan because I’d been seeing less and less of him over the past few weeks; I was a different person around him; a drinky, sweary occasional drug taker. Whereas around my Christian friends �" though not yet a Christian myself, I felt improved as a person, like I gained value and I liked that they wanted good things for me and that their input into my life was wholesome and nutritious (figuratively). By seeing less of Dan and more of the God brigade I was fazing out the old me and becoming a better person. Something I promised myself I would do when I decided to dispose of Paul’s body.

                Another omission from the guest list is Andrew, Rachel’s fiancé. He’s working an evening shift at his job as a consultant of some sort. After Chloe had put the idea in my head that he hits Rachel, I’ve been unable to think about very little else. I try to think of how to stop him but first I need to know he’s doing it, Chloe’s deductions were not evidence enough for me to potentially blow my friendship with Rachel. I’d rather have her in my life �" even as just a friend, than not at all. I see tonight as an opportunity to do some digging, I figure a dinner party is the sort of relaxed atmosphere where Rachel might give something away. Especially if asked the right questions.

              Chloe is due earlier than everyone else because she wants to learn some cooking skills and is to come and help me in the kitchen. I’m glad about this, she’s still a mystery to me and her past is something I’d like to get to know more about. Perhaps tonight I’ll learn about that darkness in her eyes and how it got there. Of course the learning about people is to remain a one-way street, Chloe can work me out far too well, even without me having to say anything. I’m obviously not going to help her figure out I’m a killer by saying things that lead her to that conclusion. By the time she arrives I’m already working on my main course of seafood linguine; prawns, crayfish and white wine sauce poured over some al dente pasta.

            The kitchen floor is immaculate after another bout of frantic cleaning that I’d undertaken last night. I still see occasional blood spots but only when I’m having a bad day so I presume them to be psychosomatic, regardless I clean them anyway. Chloe is a keen learner and seems relaxed and almost jovial �" a rarity in her case. She is wearing her hair up �" which I’d never seen before and a short sleeve T-shirt �" again new. I notice on her arms that she is quite heavily tattooed, inked on her skin are several graphic images that would shock a nun into hospital, perhaps clues to her former life. They add to her rather gothic appearance and heighten the element of mystery she carries.

              Shortly after Chloe, Amare and Rachel arrive together. Amare is the designated driver and has picked Rachel up on route. He is his usual joyous self, greeting me with a huge grin, a slap on the shoulder and a loud rendition of ‘happy birthday’. Rachel looks incredible so much so that when I open the door to her, my heart skips several beats. “We’ve brought wine for us and grape juice for Amare” she says lifting the bag she has with her. She leans in to kiss me on the cheek and I suffer slight breathlessness, managing to say “hi” in a feeble and pathetic way. She smiles back and the three of us head upstairs to my flat. “Mmm, smells fantastic” Amare says enthusiastically as we enter my hallway. I take their coats and show them to the living room - where I’ve set a table �" to seat them. “Ok,” I begin, “help yourselves to drinks, glasses are on the table. Chloe’s in the kitchen” I point with both thumbs behind me. “I’m going to go and put the finishing touches to the food and we’ll bring it through.” “I love it!” Amare exclaims as I leave the room.

                The food goes down well; oohs and ahs bounce around the room with each of the three courses I present. Conversation is a constant and pleasant stream and all four of us get to know each other a little better. Amare lived in a village in Sierra Leone as a small child and was taught how to hunt with a bow aged seven. Rachel is the youngest of four sisters and Chloe builds computer software as a hobby �" of course she does. I tell them things about me, mainly about when I lived in France and we all share anecdotes and laugh with each other until dessert �" crème brulee, when a conversational letup sets in.

                Amare pours a drink and begins a new arc of conversation with “Did you see the local news today?” This is greeted with a general consensus of no. “Well” he continues, “you know that business park, way out in the sticks?” I feel a lump form in my throat, I know exactly what’s about to follow. Chloe answers him “the new one, the waste of money that’s never been used?” Amare smiles and points at her “that’s the one. Well they found a burnt out car there yesterday.” I feel a bead of sweat begin to scurry down the side of my head. Keep calm I think to myself, you knew this would happen at some point. They were always going to find it. It doesn’t mean anything. “In the boot of this car…” Amare leans forward, he’s an excellent storyteller, pausing for effect and building tension in the room. “They’ve found a body.”

            Light surprise fills his audience while Amare continues the story. “Apparently, the car belonged to a man the police were already looking for, in order to question him about another missing person. It hasn’t yet been confirmed but they suspect the body in the boot belonged to the owner of the car.” The two women on either side of me react to the story very differently; Rachel looks mildly saddened and a little shocked. Whereas it’s easy to see Chloe’s mind is working overtime trying to work the story out and answer the unanswered questions the news report poses. My reaction is one of controlled panic, the image of the police inspecting every aspect of the car’s burnt remains fills me with paranoia and internal questioning is happening about any details I might of missed. Any links that put me at the scene of the crime.

           Chloe asks, “Did the report say who the other missing person was?” It’s unfeasible and I’m aware that it’s merely paranoia but Chloe’s questioning worries me, as though she’ll figure the whole thing out from a second hand news story. Amare rushes to finish his chewing and answers, “A young girl apparently she’s still not been found. Police say the parents aren’t suspects for the murder though. They suspect someone or something else, maybe organized crime or something.” Chloe leans back her eyes darting around in micro-movements “I don’t think its organized crime” she mutters. My head whirs, it’s not a shock that it’s been found but it’s real now, there is a body and they’ll be looking for whoever killed it. I excuse myself and walk through to the kitchen. I close the kitchen door behind me, looking down I feel my heart rate soar, as the entire floor seems to be covered in speckles of blood. My new friends, my new life; sitting talking about the man I’d killed, in the flat I’d killed him in and it’s not going down well with my brain. Without thinking I fill a container with hot, soapy water and begin scrubbing the floor.   

           After a short while Chloe enters the kitchen, holding the now empty dessert plates and stops as she sees me feverishly scouring the tiles. “Stewart? You ok?” she asks in a seemingly chary manner as she slowly lowers the plates into the sink. I stop and catch myself, realize what I’m doing. The floor is obviously clean yet sweat is dripping from my forehead, with the effort I’m using to scrub it and out of context I must look a little mad. I bolt upright and smile “Fine” I say, “just saw some spillage that needed getting.” She looks at me in her usual analytical way and says in a joking tone, “well, I think you’ve got it.” I laugh nervously, “Yeah, think so.” She smiles as if I amuse her. “C’mon” she says opening the kitchen door “Rachel says she has an announcement to make.”

                Back in the living room, I can hardly think straight. I’m not a suspect I keep telling myself The police would have come for me by now, if I was. I know it’s the truth but it does little to calm me down. My brain is playing tricks on me and as I look up; DI Taylor, DI Allen and Paul have replaced my three dinner guests. All three of them staring at me, Paul is covered in blood and just sits there where Amare was seconds ago, gawking at me with dead eyes. “Are you ok Stewart?” DI Taylor asks. I shake my head and rub my eyes; he morphs back into Rachel who’s looking at me concerned. “Yeah, sorry. I’m fine… so you err… you have an announcement to make?” I can feel Chloe’s eyes peering at me; I know she can tell I’m not fine at all. Rachel smiles and addresses the group, “so Andrew and I are going to announce this in church on Sunday, with your blessing Amare.” She turns to him, he smiles in reciprocation. “But I wanted to tell you guys separately because I’m a little closer to you than the rest of the congregation.” Rachel sips some wine, the pause giving the announcement a little more gravitas. She looks up and says, “Andrew and I are moving to South Africa.”         

                    The room falls silent; Amare, Chloe and I are all clearly in shock. “Well come on… say something” Rachel says. “How has that come about?” Chloe asks reasonably. “There’s a church out there, a charity that helps orphans. They’re struggling because they don’t have enough personnel, they need help and we’ve been looking into it and feel we can make a difference. Andrew has managed to get a decent job out there and we’ve decided to take the plunge.” Another silence, Rachel has clearly made her mind up and whilst it obviously saddens everyone at the table to lose her, it’s clear that there’s nothing they can do. The first to accept it is Amare, “well that’s awesome girl.” He says beaming, “If that’s what you want and what you feel God wants for you, then you should do it.”  Chloe chimes in with something similar, all three of them look at me awaiting my input. My heart is breaking; I don’t want to lose Rachel. The best I can muster is “that’ll be some experience for you.” and a frail smile.

                 The rest of the evening peters out and after everyone leaves I go through to the kitchen to wash up. I feel like breaking, after her announcement Rachel had told us she could be moving as soon as the end of the month. Visas sorted, work sorted, everything. They just had to pack and book the flights. I didn’t get chance to ask Rachel anything about Andrew and his potential violent tendencies but Chloe was never wrong and if he has a track record of it… Things don’t look great for the woman I love. Why would she move away with him? Why do victims of domestic abuse so regularly stay with their abusers?

                 As I begin to dry the plates I feel something drop onto my forehead, like a drip of something. I bring my fingertips up to feel it and upon inspection my fingers are red. I look up to the ceiling and right above me a crack has appeared, a crack that’s leaking blood. Blood from the ceiling I think to myself that’s a new one.

                 It’s far and away the worst birthday I’d ever had. I’ve found out the woman I love is moving to the other side of the world - with her abusive fiancé, and to top it off; I’m suffering the beginnings of insanity.   

Reviews

[AprilRN1210]

Another awesome chapter.. You are very talented.. This is my favorite chapter so far.. It was like I was transported into this cozy, inviting, dinner party among friends.. Great descriptions and attention to detail-like the menu, who is drinking what what Chloe is wearing, how her mind works, the difference in reactions between the two after hearing about the body found in the car.

I love the hallucinations of blood that are growing and evolving in his mind according to his state of mind and what's going on. Great new twist with her moving away, and suspenseful buildup and cliff hanger to end on as usual... You have it all, couldn't ask for more from a chapter.. As, I stated a second ago, my favorite yet.... awesome job....


****one side note (if I may).. I'm not a highly educated grammar or punctuation expert, but really didn't understand certain spots why there was just one quotation mark, and some spots where you had quotation marks and couldn't figure out why, like when explaining Chloe's dress-kinda threw me off... I don't know you probably have some punctuation rule that I haven't learned-but just wanted to let you know my thoughts..

(again) AWESOME CHAPTER

[StefanC]

Wow thanks, I'm really surprised by this being your favourite.
Surprised and delighted.

On the quotation mark thing, this has confused me massively!! I copy and paste onto here from a word document. Somewhere in the process phantom quotation marks are being generated because they aren't on my original copy.
So yeah it's a tech thing rather than some high and mighty English grammar secret. I'll have to look out for them and edit them out in future, the pesky blighters.

[AprilRN1210]

Ya! Yes, I love it. I usually have to edit because it mysteriously messes with my alignment and words get sprinkled all over the place messing up the meticulous process that I went through to get it EXACTLY like I wanted it-to try and have to figure out what the heck happened and then struggle with finding a solution. ((hugs)) been there, done that.. *on a side note*, had to google "blighter"-but can say, I learned a new word today:)

[AprilRN1210]

oh, and, I typed "ha" not ya... Don't know what happened there.... jeez

[AprilRN1210]

and... why surprised it is my favorite (this far)?

[StefanC]

Blighter's a marvellous word and I'm very happy that I've shared it with someone.

Not entirely sure why surprised, I think I have possibly the least amount of confidence in this chapter. Maybe that's why.
It's a terrifically pleasant surprise anyhow. :)

[AprilRN1210]

From a woman's point of view it was nice.. Yes, it didn't have wild, shocking plot twists like previous; yes, it didn't have gore like previous; yes-it didn't have heart pounding suspense like previous. What it did have however, was an intimate, detailed, "real" moment in the life of the character which was enjoyable. I love the attention to detail that enriched the story. So, yes I can see why a man (you) would have less confidence in this chapter and why a woman (me) would think it is one of the better ones :)

[StefanC]

Thanks that's a real eye opener for when I'm writing in future.

[AprilRN1210]

I am tickled I could be of assistance.. Isn't that what we are here for sir? to learn and help each other.. now you made me smile:)