first rainstorm of october

old butwith edit

First rain storm of October

 

 

 

i have been sitting here
going mad, rain on the aluminum roof
applauding my failed attempts-
its been raining for days
the stream to the drain carries newspaper in hand
pushes drowned wet mat frowning chipmunks
down the block, against curb, into driveway,
mammal carcass strewn, only freckles on the onyx street's skin-

i have no name,
been months now, stolen in the astral height of mountain-mist-northwest while i slept in a tent,
drinking sangria and reading tristessa with a
toothless vampire-
drunk i raced a train;
saw apocalyptic savior light in yellow night
growing in size, a thirsting tick
latched onto the back of the city, arm of the suburb,
prick of the ghetto; only another bolt in the mechanic structure world
and lost that race as well-.

my declaration of tolerance
lays crippled-corpse on nightstand, unsigned.
its anatomical sentences, ink chromosomes
interrupted, amputated by details of my life;
by rolling papers&tobacco
quarter sack&lighter
candle erected in the center, when lit
stands a beacon, back bay lighthouse; radio tower
emitting light and frequency,
so my eyes follow droplets of lucid wax
along the shaft to rubbage details of my life,
leaving the document signature less.

i have been sitting here
going mad, dreaming of death in a silver dress.
a book of ginsberg, a grip of tulips in hand,
her breath smelling of curry and lavender.
lips cold-smooth, a residue frigid and slick, they're
slug like, just as thick pinning mine down;
(open, sprawled, spread eagle, spread like poor dead dancer butterflies in glass case)
she tastes of water chestnuts and incense.
her and i
in alley way;
puddle in a dead dog's side i see the
reflection of garage light; felines missing
eyes, blink hiss spit, crying came from an ivy garden on the corner, she stands before me.

its been raining for days
they expect it to continue for two more.
i still remain nameless, sitting, thinking
about how many more chipmunks will drown;

How much further to go mad.

Reviews

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~ i'm astounded by the images... i relate to the third stanza the most... am reminded of what a former best buddy once said... she said... "it's difficult to be a nobody" when i'd just finished telling her about a dream that made me feel my life was worth it just because i saw it... she shredded me in seconds... and, i think what i experienced in the first few moments after that phone call is brilliantly articulated in this piece... i just wanted to go mad like never before and die... she just didn't get it... when i look back now, i feel like smiling at the moment... today, nearly five years later, nothing she says can take away that feeling i had and my gratitude to that dream that keeps me going even today... on my blackest of days... thank you for this post... i felt shattered as i read... and now i'm smiling... ~ thank you for writing this piece... it helped me articulate something that happened in january 2008... wow...