~You are your only hero~

I wrote this piece over a year ago which is why I'm comfortable sharing it now. I hope that my writing will help you relate... you are not alone.

I dont want to give up. But sometimes it's all you can do to save yourself. Don't fall into the bullshit stereotype that people don't change. Someone will come along that sees the light in the love you give. No matter how bad that person might be to you never make another person feel like they aren't good enough. You are in a situation where you don't need someone to fix you but learn to fix yourself. The sooner you come to realize that no matter how dark it is some days or how empowering it can be, you are the hero in this story. Learn to love your own company so much. I'm still having trouble with that but I'm not giving up. I hate alone. To me it's scary. When your alone you can do one of two things: embrace it, or coware with hopes itll get better, or go away. You can learn to accept and appreciate the fact that you are really the one person that will never leave or do you wrong. Yes, we have people that would cross bridges over fire to wipe your tears and pick you up. But sometimes there is no bridge. Who's there for you now? You. Love yourself. I hear it's incredible. It's doesn't happen over night. Every single person will go through it differently. Just be patient. I'm trying to love myself. Here try imagining this, your best friend fell in love with someone who makes them happier than you've ever seen. Just observing them from a distance. You can see genuine happiness. Now What if the places were switched? Picture someone loving you the way you see them. Entirely casual like it was supposed to be this way all along. Now one more time, imagine this same, true pure love, entirely devoted to yourself. The kind of love you want for your bestfriend, or your sibling. All of that pure untainted love being directed towards the person in the mirror. When that day comes I believe some of your unanswered questions will be better understood. Your shoulders will feel lighter. Almost as if you are so engulfed with the genuine feeling of being happy that other peoples negative opinions or comments are less than relevant, basically nonexistent. Not only to you but to the demons that scared you away from the comfort of your own solitude in the first place. Winning that battle is starting to feel better than anything I've ever experienced. Soon I will finally never look in a mirror and not like the person staring back. In both senses, physical and mental. You see the thing is sometimes no matter how hard you try to defeat these demons, some are there for ever. When I say demons im referring to the reptitive damaging nightmares that bring you back to that dark place. The issues that your surrounded by that cause you to spiral back into a depression. Every single person has demons but never compare the battle your facing to anyone else's.  Not one person is the same. Don't ever make another feel like less of a person when it comes to the demons they face. For example, here's a story: life has never been easy on you. Growing up your house got foreclosed, your best friend passed away, you start a new school only to discover the agony of being bullied. You faced some pretty tragic events that made you grow up because you simply had to. Its just life givig you that s****y hand of cards youve always been dealt. Sadly, tragedy became a norm for you. One christmas day your drunken high dad comes in and kicks you out of your house and doesn't attempt any form of contact for over two months. You are facing a challenge you've never thought you'd have to go through. You are more alone than you have ever been and the darkness is literally slowing Killin you. You have to fill the spot that dad has always occupied, the hero. What the hell are you gunna do? Now look at your friend. She's grown up in an entirely different atmosphere. She never faced a dramatic change like moving. She went to a private school then the same public school until graduation. She comes home to a stable single father and a house that can't be taken away. She is rich and doesn't even know it. Her dad decided she needed a job and rent money. To him it was a life lesson. He was trying to make her understand that she truly is blessed with the life she was given. He wanted to see her take on responsibility and understand he won't always be here. He did yell and they argued but that's family. She was deeply hurt. Questioning what she did that made him so upset. She was betrayed by her "hero" these stories are so drastically different but have the same root. Don't belittle someone because their tradgidies seem smaller than yours. Your friends battle could be small to you but to them it's one of the hardest things they have ever been through. Always be humble and kind. Give the respect you'd like to be given, even if the gesture is not returned. Just because someone decides their miserable life should be expressed through anger or hurtful words does not mean you should return the gesture. Always be humble and kind. I refuse to let this generation turn me cold. I will smile at every person that makes eye contact with me. I will complement that strangers dress, who knows that might be the best thing she hears all day. I will always go out of my way to make sure the people I love are taken care if. I will never let the hate that is polluting our society dull my glow. Always kill people with kindness. The s****y costumer who is cussing you at for a simple mistake would be entirely and uderly confused if you reply with a smile instead of an angry tone. I read a quote once and I can't remember word for word but it's basis was a ship. It floats and will not sink unless water gets inside. Similarly you are the boat. You cannot sink if you don't allow the negativity of the world to get inside of you. And Again. Look who's the captain... YOU! You control this whole ride we call life. We are dealt a hand of cards at birth you can either pout and hope for a better shuffle or play that hand like it was the one you wanted. You can't stop the bad things from happening but you can change how you perceive the situation. There is good in every bit of bad and the same goes for bad in every good. Learn to find the bit of good in everything and everyone. Think like this for a second. What if peoples intentions were worn like clothes? You can look at any person and physically see the fire that keeps them burning. That fire is their happy. Now what if this same person wears every emotion on their skin. Depression, hate, disappointment, happiness, regret every single emotion that this person may be feeling. Now you can physically see the weight on their shoulders. No situations or back stories just a person who wears every feeling on the outside where it cant be hidden. This person begins to run out of places to express these feelings. All thats left is their fire. You physically watch this person take so many heat breaks and tradgidies that they have run out of room. The only spot that can be filled is actually being replaced. They no longer have room for happiness. They begin to suffocate their fire because the weight has gotten to heavy. What if they can't come to a conclusion that allows them to erase one of these feelings before their fire burns out? You have watched this person go from wearing stress, happiness, and ambition on their sleeve, everyday common emotions, to nothing but negativity head to toe. We don't know why his happiness has disappeared. Or what changed his will for ambition. We just see a person who is struggling to carry everything by them self.  There are no back stories or explanations in this story after all. But that person can't hide behind a fake smile anymore. That person is now literally covered in depression, self-doubt, and rage. So entirely covered that they smothered their fire. They got to a point where they gave up and ended their struggle. These same people become nothing, empty. As the fire is being smothered these emotions that held this person down begin to disappear. They are goin numb to the hurt and suffering. Shortly all of the emotions have disappeared and the fire has been put out. This person gave up on fighting and caused their fire to be extinguished forever. Now not only is this person gone but the weight that crushed they're chest has moved on to the next host. This is real everyday life. The only difference is our emotions are trapped and cant be seen. Be courtious to others. So many people are taking their lives at such young ages. It is so horrible to hurt somebody to the point where the only solution they see is death. Love one another. You never know, your kind words may have saved somebodies life today.

Author's Note

Ignore the grammitacal errors, I write for fun and use it as a way to express myself