Our "I love you" when our fingers touched

Our I love you was a little different. We perferd the term "I see you" which to us was more personal than I love you. It was more than we could say.

I want to sit in my room and hear you cough in the living room below me.. I want to walk down stairs and say I'll be back boss and have you question me.. I want you to be mad and yell at me.. I want to hear you say its okay babygirl... i wanna hear you call me your blue eyed wonder... I want to latch pointer fingers because it says everything we can't say with words.. I just want you to hug me and call me "breanna accidentally" ... I want you to be here... I remember you telling me how you would give anything for another day with your mom and dad... you lost them when you were a teenager... I got to have you thru my graduation and 21st birthday... but those are the only big accomplishments you will ever get to experience from my life....but daddy I want you to know, I understand.. I'd give anything i possibly could to touch your pointer finger and look you in the eye... if that was my only option I wouldn't have to say a single word as much as I'd want to... that always said everything for us... that and our tattoos... you mentioned "ICU" to me and it just fit for us... perfect. I see you, is I love you but so so much more.. you always said we were cut from the same cloth... and I get it now daddy. We think differently than others. We have been through more "life" than some of the people we know and love and most of it is because we never gave up on each other. We slept on couches at Davies girlfriend's house because grandma would let you stay at the house and I was not leaving you alone. We got a house in liberty that started as a blessing and slowly turned to a nightmare... but only because neither of us were responsible or honestly respectful to eachother but we still stuck together.. always... I loved you daddy.... I miss you... you weren't supposed to leave me so soon... I didn't get to make up for being distant... I didn't get to play cards or smoke with you... I should have been there daddy I always have been and I wasnt... you asked for my help and I didnt... I'm so sorry boss. I know whether I did or not you were going to choose to stop fighting I just wonder if I was there then would you be here now.... you felt so alone and all I had to do was sit downstairs and do the exact same thing I did in my room.. I know you wanted company even if I was watching the tablet or in my own world you just wanted my company and I wasnt there... I've always been there and I wasnt... you needed me like I need you now... we really were cut from the same cloth... I just really miss you daddy. I hope your dancing on two feet and singing with the angels... I hope dusty dude and buddy buck the wonder dog were the first to greet you... I hope that heaven is real because I can't wait to see my daddy again... you were so sorry that evan died you just wanted to make sure my life didnt stop and it didnt captain. And I know evan missed you. You walked through the gates or door or whatever and he stood there with his knucks out and said "what's up boss" or "yo boss" and I know it put a smile on your face. You told me you'd give anything to see your mom and dad again and they've been there waiting for you for a long long time. You finally have peace bossman.. one of the few things you have ever asked the gods for... but it was granted. You've asked the gods to watch over your children and your critters and silently you asked for peace...

Author's Note

Don't mind the grammatical errors.
For context Evan was my boyfriend whose life was taken by gun violence